CONFESSIONS

A Sequel to A Renewal of Life

by

Jane Daffron

The sun was just beginning to rise, its rays bringing a soft orange glow to the cool December morning. A lone jogger, a young blonde haired woman, ran down the beach near the Nelson Institute of Marine Research. Clad in a Virginia Tech sweatshirt and sweatpants, she had decided to start her daily routine earlier than normal that day. Returning to Santa Barbara only the day before, and on Christmas holiday break from college, she had surprised her mother, Captain Karen Davis, with her unexpected early arrival.

The girl was using her workout to vent frustrations that morning because, although Karen was glad to see her, Caitlin’s early arrival had caused herself a minor embarrassment. In an effort to surprise her mother for Christmas and help get the decorating started, Caitlin had neglected to take into account that her mother now had a very personal life. When she had arrived at their apartment late last evening, in high spirits because of the season, she had inadvertently stumbled into a very compromising scene between her mother and Admiral Harriman Nelson. Deciding not to awaken them, Caitlin had made a quiet but discreet retreat to her own bedroom. It was because of Caitlin’s insistence that Nelson had finally asked her mother out on a date. It was not seeing them together that bothered her, nor the fact that she was quite well aware that her mother and the Admiral had become lovers. It was the nagging doubt in the back of her mind that, somehow, all was not quite right with Karen. It hadn’t been since spring and Caitlin was worried.

Caitlin stopped her running after about 5 miles. Stopping near a rock formation that extended out into the water, she stretched out her legs to prevent the possibility of cramps. Deciding that this would be a good place to think, she climbed up on one of the boulders and sat down, watching the breaking waves and the rising sun. She turned her thoughts to the past eight months and the effect it had had on her mother. Karen had taken leave from the Institute after she was almost killed in a diving accident off the coast of the Azores. She and one of her team had been buried by an undersea avalanche and had to be rescued by Admiral Nelson and Captain Lee Crane. Badly injured, she had had to undergo emergency surgery aboard Seaview. The incident had shaken her mother’s confidence to the very core. And it was only because of the love that had grown between Nelson and Davis that Karen had returned to the Institute. But she wasn’t quite the same person she had been and this worried her daughter. She had never seen her mother give up without a fight on anything important to her. And this is what she felt Karen was doing now. She was letting her fears win out. Although she had returned to Nelson, a part of her remained on that ocean floor, 5200 feet down. Karen was so very good at putting on the facade, when all the while being terrified inside.

Caitlin had recently received an e-mail note from Nelson, stating that her mother was well enough to return to duty and to diving. She, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t see it; he loved her mother, for Christ’s sake. Is he that blind not to see how she was covering up her fears in order to accommodate what he wanted? Caitlin had to do something about this, but was unsure how.

After about an hour of sitting there on the rock watching the sun come up and getting soaked from the sea spray, she resolved that she was going to have to confront him about her mother, reasoning that, if he loved her as much as she thought he did, he would see what was going on and handle the situation accordingly. Caitlin smiled inwardly, thinking of the numerous e-mail messages between the Admiral and herself, regarding her schooling, career choice, and of course, her mother. It was she who had kept him up to date on her mother’s recovery, passing on information once to twice a week during the period of her absence. She was the one who had seen her mother wake in the middle of the night, crying and calling out his name to rescue her and to not let her die. The nightmares had continued for months until they finally subsided. But something had taken Karen’s confidence away. And somewhere deep inside, Caitlin knew that only one person could help her regain it.

She got down off the rock and started back up the beach toward the Institute, knowing now what she had to do.

óóóó

Admiral Harriman Nelson casually strolled into his office that morning, peacefully content with himself. Last night had been an interesting one. He and Karen Davis had spend the afternoon walking along the beach, talking, and then spent the evening together at her apartment. She had cooked dinner for the two of them and then they had settled in for a quiet evening watching a movie on the VCR. The evening had further advanced into a very romantic liaison and he had ended up spending the night with her at her apartment.

Angie Pearce, his secretary, handed him his messages and his appointment list, and then advised him that he had a visitor waiting in his office.

Opening the door to his expansive office, he found Caitlin Davis, Karen’s daughter, sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs opposite his desk. He was a bit stunned since she wasn’t expected home until later that evening.

"Caitlin, what on earth are you doing here? I thought you weren’t due in until late today."

"Actually, I came in very late last night...I decided to come home a day early to surprise Mom and help with the decorations for Christmas. But I, uh...apparently came home a little too early." she sheepishly replied with a grin.

Instantly, Nelson knew why she was acting so embarrassed. Poor kid. Well, I guess we got caught in the act, Karen. He chuckled to himself. He had not seen her in the apartment this morning. She must have gone running before we woke up. And after all, she was the one who provided the encouragement for him to ask Karen out this past February.

Not wanting to prolong her embarrassment, he somberly asked, "Did you want to see me for any reason?" He placed the messages down on his desk and sank down into the large leather chair behind it.

She got up and started to pace the office floor. Looking at him now, she could see how her mother had fallen in love with him. He was definitely her mother’s type.

"Yes, sir. Frankly, I’m worried about Mom."

He leaned forward across the enormous desk, expressing concern about her comment, "What do you mean?’

Sitting back down in the chair, she continued, "Has she been out on any dives with the team since she came back?’

"No, but then again, it’s only been about two months. We haven’t had any reason to activate the team. She’s had them in constant training sessions, but there’s been no assignments. Why do you ask?"

"I believe that she’s lost the confidence in her own ability and she’s afraid to go back down. Admiral, I’ve never known my mother to give up without fighting back when she’s down. For her not to go on the training dives means something’s wrong."

What she had said concerned him. He had thought he was imagining it, but it all fit now. Numerous times, Karen had found a reason not to accompany the team down below, leaving the hands on training to Chip Morton. The reasons were always so plausible that he never had really questioned it. But now...

"Caitlin, your mother is a very strong woman, you know that. I know she had a very traumatic experience, both physically and mentally, but she’s apparently gotten over it. That’s why she came back here," he explained, sitting back in his chair. It was clear to him that something was very wrong and that maybe he was missing something. He had tried to be extremely observant of her since her return in October. What had he missed?

"Has she?...Has she, really, Admiral? Look, the reason Mom came back here is you. She loves you and she promised you she’d come back. Admiral, you know that Mom’s real good about putting on a ‘game face’ when she has to," Caitlin tried to explain to him. "But I saw her during those six months...." She looked straight at him and then asked, "Is she still having the nightmares?"

Nelson slightly cocked his head to one side and raised an eyebrow. "Nightmares? What are you talking about?"

Caitlin leaned back in the chair and pulled one leg up into it. She rested her chin on her knee and looked at him. Obviously, her mother hadn’t told him.

"She started having nightmares. Bad ones. They’d be so bad that she would actually be crying in her sleep. I came in one night and heard her talking in her sleep. She was crying...really crying, tears and all...and calling out your name, for you to come save her and not to let her die." Caitlin looked away from his eyes and stared out the window behind him. Her eyes were starting to blur from the tears that were forming. "It went on for months. Night after night. I wanted to call you. To get you to come to her. But she wouldn’t let me. Said it was something that she had to work out for herself. That’s why I kept sending the e-mail. Finally, about July or August, I believe, they stopped. And she seemed like her old self. But I’m not so sure anymore. I’m a bit surprised she didn’t tell you, but then again..."

Nelson looked at the young woman seated before him. He could see Karen’s resemblance in her face and it was obvious that she was deeply concerned about her mother.

"Your mother didn’t mention anything about nightmares to me, and to my knowledge, hasn’t had any. In fact, she really hasn’t talked much about the incident at all. I’ve tried a couple of times to talk to her about it, but she avoids the subject. But now that you mention it, I’ve wondered about times she could have gone down with the team and didn’t. The question is, what can we do about it? I really don’t want to have to order her to dive, especially if she’s not able to."

"That’s the problem. I don’t know. See, usually Mom wants to talk about things that upset her. But this was so bad that she won’t. She won’t talk to me about this and I’ve tried to get her to. I really think that the key to this whole thing is you."

"I don’t understand," he remarked as he leaned back in his chair.

"Look, Mom loves you. That’s the real reason she came back. Admiral, let’s face it, I’m not exactly naive here. I know that you and Mom are lovers." He looked up at her in a slightly shocked manner. "And it didn’t take last night for me to know that." She stared him straight in the eyes. "She needs you to get her to open up. She won’t do it for me. Maybe she’ll do it for you."

"Caitlin, I’ve tried, but she won’t even go near the subject."

"Then try again, and again, and again...until she finally breaks down." Caitlin was almost on the verge of pleading with him. "Sir, I really do believe she wants to but something is stopping her. Maybe she feels that it was her fault. That she didn’t do enough to keep it from happening. I don’t know. But I do know that if she doesn’t get this out soon, she may very well never dive again. And that would, for her, be admitting total defeat. And that, Admiral Nelson, is totally out of character for my mother."

He sat back in his chair and contemplated the full meaning of her words and realized how very true they were. Karen was a very strong natured woman and for her to utterly give up was totally out of character. The question was how could he really help her if she wouldn’t let him?

"Caitlin, I’m open to suggestions here. What do you want me to do?" he asked in an imploring tone. He observed the girl, very much like her mother in so many ways. The forthright and plain spoken manner were traits she shared with Karen.

She looked at him for a few moments, drew in a deep breath, and then explained, "Take her away for the weekend. I know for a fact that the two of you haven’t been away from here since she came back. At least not together." She caught the surprised look on his face, evidenced by the raised eyebrow. "Come on, I told you that I’m not naive...Anyway, get her some place where the two of you can concentrate solely on each other. Then get her to talk to you. If she’s away from here, she may open up. She’ll be under less stress and you’d stand a better chance." Catching her breath, she continued, "You know, Christmas is three weeks away. Take her somewhere where it’s decked out for the holidays. I’ll decorate the apartment for her while you’re away so she won’t have to do it. That way, when you all get back, maybe she’ll be herself again."

Nelson pondered over the suggestions the girl had provided him. He admired Caitlin’s devotion to her mother and the fact that she trusted him enough to come to him. He had been worried about Karen since her return, but she had assured him that she was fine. He realized now that she was covering up the real situation. He got up from behind his desk, walked around and sat down in the chair next to her.

"If I get her away, and mind you I said if, she will undoubtedly resist any conversation about the accident. If the situation is as bad as you say, then she’s clearly not ready to talk about it. And if that’s the case, there’s nothing we, or I, can do until she is."

Caitlin looked away from him. She didn’t want him to see her crying. She wouldn’t look at him.

"Caitlin?" his tone demanding that she turn back to face him.

She slowly turned her head and he could see the tears slowly following a path down her cheeks.

"Damn it, Admiral! Mom needs your help. If you love her half as much as you’re supposed to, you’d realize that. She’s never, ever given up before. She’s a fighter. Is, was, and always will be. Even when Daddy died. She cried…she screamed…  She’d hit a wall or the door…  But she never ever gave up. I’d hear her at night, alone in their bedroom, crying. There were times it was so bad for her that she’d come in my room and sleep on the bed with me because I was crying and she’d end up crying too. But she helped me through Daddy’s death and she pulled herself through it someway. But this is different. I don’t know how to help her." She buried her face in her hands and the tears came streaming down.

Nelson felt helpless. He had totally misread Karen’s actions and now he was faced with a situation he wasn’t prepared for. He sat back in the chair and watched Caitlin as she composed herself. Karen seemed to be all right; at least, from all outward appearances. He certainly didn’t detect anything last night when they were together, or this morning either. She seemed to be her usual laid back self. Now he was afraid that all of that was a façade for the real pain that lay underneath.

"Caitlin, I’ll do whatever it takes to help her. But you have to understand, if she doesn’t want it, there’s nothing I can do." He looked at her and placed his hand on her arm, reassuring her. "I’ll arrange for us to go away this weekend. I know of a place up around Napa Valley that would give us some privacy. You go ahead with your plans for the decorations. I’m sure that will surprise and please her. When we get back, we’ll review the situation and see what else needs to be done."

"What about the dive teams? How are you going to handle that?"

He sat back in the chair and contemplated her question, and his answer to her.

"That’s an issue that I’ll have to deal with at an appropriate time. For right now, I’m concerned about your mother more on a personal level. If we can clear that up, the professional decisions will then take care of themselves."

óóóó

Over in one of the laboratory buildings, in Karen Davis’ lab, experiments were underway to test new lenses for the still cameras the DWD teams were using. Commander Chip Morton, Seaview’s executive officer and the team’s second-in-command, was in the process of subjecting the lenses to the various pressures in a specialized pressure tank. Karen in the meantime was entering the data into a computer as Chip called out the readings. As each batch of lenses were tested, any failures were marked and set aside.

One of her assistants came into her and said, "Captain, Admiral Nelson’s on Line 1 for you."

"Thanks, Irene. I’ll take it here." Turning around to the telephone, she activated the speaker and then punched the blinking line.

"Hello."

"Hello, yourself. Are you busy?" he inquired.

"Actually, Chip and I are right in the middle of checking the new batch of camera lenses. Is it something that can wait a couple of hours or do you need me right now?"

"What I really wanted to know is if what you’re working on is going to have you working all weekend?"

"No, we should be finished here by the end of the day. Why?"

"Are you free this weekend?"

"Ah ...Caitlin’s in. I ...ah...found out this morning that she’d come in late last night."

Nelson chuckled. "I know. She came to see me this morning after she’d been running on the beach."

"Oh, really?!....And what did she say?"

"That she came home early to surprise you and that she knew the full extent of our relationship."

"She did, did she? I guess I’m going to have to have a little talk with her about prior notification when she decides to come home early," she commented, a little perturbed.

He laughed and then said, "Karen, I really don’t think it’s too much of a secret from anyone around here anymore. Not after the accident and especially after you came back. You know the ‘grapevine’ is too strong and too quick."

"Harriman, I realize that. But my daughter has better sense than to come home unannounced, especially now."

He couldn’t help but smile at her slight indignation. But it did not distract him from his primary reason for calling her.

"Listen, I’ve got reservations for us at an Inn up in the Napa Valley region. Get your bags packed and we’ll leave at noon tomorrow." He could sense her wanting to protest, so he didn’t give her the chance. "And that’s an order, Captain." It was said in such a tone that there was no use in trying to argue with him.

"Yes, sir! ...I will, sir!" Actually, she was kind of glad he had suggested the weekend away. She hadn’t really been able to truly relax since she had come home.

Karen had not been able to shake the uneasy feeling she had every time she came near the Diving Lab. Memories would come back. Memories too painful for her to share with him or even with Caitlin. They were beginning to consume her. In fact, she had feigned illnesses the times when the DWD teams had gone down below. So far, she had gotten away with it but even she realized that there would come a day when the excuses wouldn’t work any more.

"Karen, are you there?" he asked after a period of silence.

"Huh?....Oh, sorry. Yes, I’m still here. And, yes, I’ll have a bag packed and be ready to go at 1200 tomorrow."

"Good. Now what about dinner tonight for the three of us at the Harbor Restaurant?"

"Fine. I’ll find Caitlin and we’ll be ready to go at about 1830, if that’s okay." She continued to enter the data as she talked to him. Thank God for speaker phones.

"All right. The reservation will be for 1915. I’ll pick you both up at your office."

"No, at the apartment. I’ll need to shower and I’m sure she will also," Karen laughed. "Besides, you’ve never had to contend with two females in one household trying to get ready at the same time. You just have NO idea what goes on."

"Okay, the apartment then. At 1830."

"That’s fine, thanks. ‘Bye."

She smiled and then turned back to the phone to shut the speaker off just as Morton brought the newest batch of data in for her.

"Looks like we’ve got about twenty-five percent defective rate here," he told her, holding the lenses out for her to see.

"Twenty-five percent! That’s totally unacceptable, Chip. The manufacturer is going to eat this, not us. First thing in the morning, I want all the information on the rep and the specifics on the order we placed. Then I’m going to have a little heart to heart talk with that rep. I think I may have to remind them about the performance clause in the contract as well as the definition of breach of contract."

"I agree. I’m also concerned that since these didn’t hold up under pressure, something else could be wrong with their equipment as well," he told her.

She took one of the defective lenses in her hand and held it up to the light.

"You know...you might just be right. I know it’ll mean extra work, but let’s check on clarity as well. If what I suspect is true, we may have to chunk the entire lot or most of it at least."

"You think they tried to pass off the defective lenses, figuring that we wouldn’t find them until too late?"

"I’ll bet you twenty dollars that’s exactly it. And, if that’s so, then there’ll be hell to pay. I’ll not have the Institute pay for their mistakes!" She fingered the lens absentmindedly. "Also, I’m going to be out of town this weekend. We’ll get done what we can today and tomorrow morning ‘cause I’m leaving at noon."

Chip looked at her as she gazed out into the lab from the computer room. He could tell her mind was elsewhere.

"You and the Admiral going away for the weekend?"

She turned her stare toward him and arched an eyebrow. Hesitating, she finally answered, "Yes. He thought we needed to get away from here for a while. I guess he’s right. It’s just....I just hate leaving this for you to complete."

"Hey, don’t worry about it. Besides, I think the O.O.M.’s probably right. You’ve been working constantly since you came back. You need a mini-vacation."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Chip."

Morton sat down on the top of the desk next to the computer. "Karen, look...we all know what you went through down there and we all know how close you and the admiral have become. Hey, I stood there with him when the teams stripped off your suit and we saw what kind of condition you were in. I saw how he reacted and saw his face when he looked at you lying there."

She grimaced in pain at the memory, even though she really had no active memory of the event he described.

"Karen," Morton continued, "...He’d do anything in the world for you. But you’re going to have to get over this. We all face it every time we go down there."

She looked at him. Heard his words…but refused to acknowledge them as the truth. She couldn’t let him know…

"Chip, I’m just fine. Now, if we can get back to work…"

óóóó

At noon the next day, Karen Davis was placing her weekend bag in the trunk of Harriman Nelson’s dark blue Mercedes. Caitlin was giving her mother last minute instructions that she was to rest and enjoy the time away. She also assured her mother that their apartment would be decorated for Christmas, just as they had planned.

Nelson finally got Karen situated in the car and then proceed to tell Caitlin, out of Karen’s hearing, "I hope this works......For all of us."

"So do I, Admiral. So do I. Thanks."

The next few hours were spent talking and laughing as they drove northward toward Napa Valley. Finally, at about 1700, they came to a beautiful old Victorian styled home on the grounds of a huge vineyard. The view was absolute picturesque of 19th century California. Acres upon acres of vineyards stretched outward and around the beautifully restored Inn.

As Nelson drove his car into a parking place in front of the Inn, Karen looked around her. She was awestruck.

"It’s beautiful! How did you ever find it?!"

"An old friend of mine owns it. He went through the Academy with me. Retired about 10 years ago and settled here. This has been in his family for over 100 years. Come on, I’ll introduce you." He got out and came over to open the car door for her. As she slid out and put her arm through his, a man with salt and pepper hair, dressed in jeans and a light red plaid shirt came out the front door and down the steps.

"Harriman Nelson, as I live and breath!! Is it really you? Lord, I must be getting old and going blind." He stopped short and looked Karen over. "And with a very lovely lady on your arm to boot!"

The two men embraced each other warmly.

"John, you haven’t changed a bit. The place looks great!" Nelson exclaimed.

"Well, it’s about damn time you took time out from that Institute of yours to come see." Turning to Karen, he bowed slightly and winked. "Ma’am, I’ve issued I don’t know how many invitations for Harry here to come up and he always had an excuse not to come. Too busy, out at sea, whatever. Now....I see that someone has finally gotten you away from there." Looking at Nelson, he grinned, "Harry, aren’t you going to introduce me to this lovely lady of yours?"

Harriman laughed at his old friend as he turned to Karen. "Karen, this is retired Rear Admiral John Andrew Prescott, owner of this fine establishment. John, this is Captain Karen Davis."

Prescott looked at her, eyes squinted at first, then wide open. He took her hand and softly kissed the back of it.

"So you’re the one who’s stolen Harry’s heart?! Well, well…I thought I’d never see this day." He then took her arm and led her up the steps to the front door. "My dear, I’m going to have to give you the lowdown on this gentleman. I do hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into with him."

Karen took an instant liking to this gregarious and charming man. Playing along, she smiled demurely and replied, "I think I’d like that very much, sir." Frankly, she’d had her doubts about this weekend, but now she was glad that she had let Harry ‘order’ her into it.

As the three of them entered into the Inn, Karen gasped. It was something out of Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carol. Holly and pine wreaths everywhere, a large ornate Christmas tree in the middle of the front living room. Lighted oil lamps enveloped the rooms in their soft glow. There was even the soft warm delicious scent of cinnamon and vanilla in the air.

"Maggie…that’s my wife…is in the kitchen with the housekeeper working on tonight’s dinner. I’ll see that your bags are taken up to your room," Prescott was saying but she really wasn’t listening. Karen was enchanted with the sheer beauty and charm of the place. It was as if she had been transported into another land and time. Looking over at the counter in the front hall, she half watched Nelson as he signed them in and was given a single key to their suite.

"Come on, you two. I’ll show you up personally. Harry, you’re going to have to give me the complete rundown on your lady here."

Nelson looked at him, laughed, and then placing his arm on Prescott’s shoulder, replied, "John, if I told you all her secrets, she’d kill me."

They were led to a second floor two room suite that quite literally seemed to have been transported from the turn of the century.

"It’s beautiful, Admiral Prescott," Karen gasped as she looked at the room full of antiques. She was enthralled with the charm of it. "I believe these are original pieces, aren’t they?" She asked, referring to the furniture.

"Yes, they're all originals. And please, it’s John or Mr. Prescott, whichever you prefer. I left the title years ago when I retired. Unlike Harry here, I don’t maintain ties with the Navy. Now...dinner's at seven-thirty, breakfast at eight-thirty and lunch is served at twelve-thirty. You have full run of the grounds. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask."

"Thanks, John," Nelson told his old friend as he walked him to the door. He then lowered his voice a bit. "I’ll talk to you later. Right now, I think what we need is some privacy."

"No problem, Harry. I understand. Come see me later and we’ll talk," Prescott remarked, then turned and addressed Karen. "Captain Davis, it’s an absolute pleasure to meet you."

She nodded and smiled. "Thank you…Mr. Prescott."

Karen turned around and gazed out the window. The view was magnificent. Vineyards as far as she could see. Even though the growing season was over and the vines no longer held their leaves, it was still an impressive sight. The sun was setting and its last amber rays were descending low over the trees. Nelson came up behind her and encircled her waist with his arms. She leaned her head back on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Are you tired?" he asked, softly kissing her cheek.

"A little. But dinner will be soon and we’d better unpack."

"That can wait a bit. I want to just stand here and enjoy this for a while. Do you realize that we haven’t had time together like this since Williamsburg?" He slowly turned her around to face him. "Karen, I’d truly thought I’d lost you, in more ways that one. I’m awfully glad I didn’t. Maybe when you almost lose something that’s so important to you, you realize how very precious it really is." He held her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly, then simply held her for the longest time. He knew if he had any hope of breaking through the façade, he had to go very slow.

That night at dinner, they dined under the stars by candlelight. The Prescotts had arranged for them to have an intimate dinner apart from the other guests. The coolness of the evening necessitated sweaters but the clear sky was worth the trip outdoors. After dinner, they decided to walk for a bit. Since they were away from the residual lights from the cities, the night sky seemed so much brighter and the stars stood out like diamonds on black velvet.

"I’m glad you talked me into this. I think I really need this," she said as they walked on the grounds.

"I know I did. John’s been after me for years to come up here. I just never had an excuse to until now."

They came to an area on the grounds where there was a gazebo near a small pond. The full moon hung midway in the night sky and left a silver streak across the still waters of the pond.

Sitting down on the bench in the gazebo, he held her as they looked up at the brilliant night sky. He knew what he had to do. Somehow, he had to break through, to get her to talk. The problem was how.

"Karen…?" he whispered in her ear.

"Hmmmm…"

"Karen, you never did tell me what you did during the six months you were gone. Where did you go?"

She was silent for a while before she spoke. "I went to Blacksburg and stayed with Caitlin, for the most part. I also visited where I grew up. Saw some family I hadn’t seen in years."

"Why didn’t you call me? I would have come, you know that."

She turned around to face him. Even in the moonlight, she could tell from his eyes that he loved her.

"I know you would have, but this was something that I had to deal with myself."

"And have you?"

She looked at him. How could she tell him about the nightmares she’d had? How could she tell him how every time she thought about diving that she would freeze? In one way, he expected so much from her. The bad thing was that he had every right to.

"Yes, I have. I’m all right now."

He looked at her. If he hadn’t had the talk with Caitlin, he’d have been inclined to believe her. God, she’s good. Her face gave no indication of the pain below the surface.

"Karen, are you sure? You know you can talk to me. Lord knows, I know what it’s like to come that close. I’ve faced it too many times myself."

"Harry, I’m sure. I’m fine."

"Karen…" but before he could utter another word, she pulled him close and kissed him.

When the embrace was broken, he looked at her. This was going to be harder than he thought. She’s really trying to avoid the subject. Holding her, he lifted her head up a bit and softly kissed her.

"Karen…talk to me, please. I know everything’s not all right."

She tried to turn away from him, but this time he wouldn’t let her.

"Karen!.....Look at me!.......Look at me!!" He commanded her using a tone of voice reserved exclusively for dealing with subordinate officers. It was then that he saw the flicker of pain in her eyes. The brick wall is beginning to crack a tiny bit. Taking her by the shoulders, he stared her straight in the eyes. "Karen, I know you were hurt. I helped get you and Johnson out of the mini-sub. I helped carry you to the decompression chamber and I had to stand outside while they operated on you. I almost lost you then and I won’t lose you again because you can’t come to terms with what happened to you."

She looked at him and wanted to shrink into the woodwork somehow. She couldn’t make him understand what she couldn’t understand about herself. That for the first time in her life, she was truly afraid to continue her work and what she loved to do.

"Harriman, stop it!… I’m fine!…  Please?!" She pretended to look annoyed at him. "I think we should go back to our room. I’m a bit tired."

He realized he wasn’t getting anywhere with her this way. He was simply putting her on the defensive. So he figured he’d have to change his plan of attack. Maybe between John and him, they might just get through to her.

"All right, you’re right. I guess I’m a bit tired, too. Maybe it would be good if we did call it an early night." He offered her his hand to help her up and as she took it, she looked into his blue eyes. She knew she had to divert him off this subject someway.

"Harriman, you know, between the drive and the work with the lenses, I’m tired and tense. I think I could use a good long soak in that wonderful tub I saw in the bathroom."

"All right. Then while you’re enjoying your bath, I’ll go down and talk to John."

"Actually…Admiral…" she coyly remarked as she placed her arms around his neck and kissing him lightly, "…I was hoping that I could persuade you to scrub my back."

He looked at her.  Okay, we’ll play this your way for now. But later…Besides, he smiled to himself.  There’s much worse ways to end an evening.

óóóó

Later that night, as the moon hung high in the sky, Karen tossed and turned in bed. Unsettling dreams filled her restless sleep.

No, no…Tom, we’re going down! No! No! Oh, God, NO!!!! God in heaven, we’re being buried alive. NOOOOO!!!!!!

Harry!… Harry!!!!… Please, please save me. PLEASE DON’T LET ME DIE!!!… I LOVE YOU. PLEASE…HELP ME!!!!!!!

Nelson woke up, found her moaning, and heard her calling out his name. Turning over to face her, he reached for her and in the moonlight saw tears streaming down her face even though she was asleep.

"Karen?… Karen, wake up!"

She was fighting him, not sure what or who was real.

"Karen?… Wake up!  It’s Harry…I’m here."  He took her in his arms and cradled her, not daring to let go. She was trembling. Just like she had that day in SickBay when she came out of the coma. Caitlin was right about the nightmares. Damn, why hadn’t he noticed this before?

"Karen, it’s okay. I’m here. Shhhh…I’m here!" he tried his best to calm her. Her whole body was tense and shaking; but as he held her and talked softly to her, she seemed to relax and finally fell into a quiet, deep sleep.

óóóó

In the early hours of the morning before dawn, she awoke in his arms. He was half-sitting up in bed but his arms were firmly wrapped around her. She couldn’t remember going to sleep like this. She did remember them making love after her long bath. And she remembered ...the horror suddenly came across her face. She’d had another nightmare! She hadn’t had them in months. He must have heard her.......seen her. That’s why he wouldn’t let go of her. Thoughts raced through her head. Why didn’t he say something to her? But then again, she remembered, he had tried last night, but she managed to divert the conversation.

Her hand slowly stroked his bare chest. His breathing was slow and rhythmic, and she could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong, as her head lay there on his chest.

He’s sound asleep.

She hated not being able to tell him her fears. She loved him but couldn’t bring herself to bare her complete soul to him just yet. A tear fell from the corner of her eye onto his skin.  When she could take it no longer, she slowly and quietly eased herself up out of bed. Finding her gown at the foot of the bed, she slipped it over her head and then found her robe. Crossing the room quietly and entering the sitting room, she stood at the window overlooking the vineyard and at the moon above. And then she bowed her head and silently cried.

Waking up slightly, he realized she wasn’t there beside him. Sitting straight up in bed, Nelson allowed himself time for his eyes to become accustomed to the residual light in the bedroom. When he didn’t see her there, he got up and walked into the sitting room. He found Karen sitting in a chair in front of the window. Walking over to her, he knelt down beside the chair and took hold of her hand. Slowly, she turned her head toward him and he could see she had been crying.

"Karen…come with me," he quietly and gently told her. He led her back to the bed and sat her down beside him. "I can’t help you if you won’t let me or if you won’t help yourself." He wiped away her tears with his fingers. "I love you, but you’ve got to let me help. Don’t do this to yourself…or to us."

Oh, God, how she wanted to tell him. But he expected so much from her that she couldn’t. It was tearing her apart, but she couldn’t let him know how afraid she really was.  "Harriman, I’m fine. I just…couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you," she replied, barely above a whisper. "I just had a very…unsettling…dream, that’s all. Really."

He was slowly losing patience with her. Why wouldn’t she admit what was wrong? He could plainly see that she needed to talk and it was extremely frustrating that she wouldn’t talk to him. He wanted to help but she wouldn’t let him. Caitlin was right about one thing. It was almost as if she was giving in to whatever was bothering her. If this went on too long, there could be consequences, not only for her, but for the DWD team as well. And he knew the decision he would have to make if that came to pass would not be a pleasant one for either of them.

Deciding against an alternate course of action for now, he simply put his arm around her and said, "Then come back to bed and get some sleep. We’re here to rest, so let’s do it. If you want to sleep in, then we’ll do just that. John will understand if we don’t get down for breakfast."

She looked at him and could see in his eyes the pain she had caused him. Nodding silent agreement, she slid across the bed and settled underneath the covers beside him. He pulled her to him and put his arm around her shoulder as she lay her head on his chest.

He bent his head and softly kissed the top of her head. "Go back to sleep, Karen. We’ll talk in the morning."

The minutes passed slowly but soon he heard the slowing of her breathing and her body relaxed in his arms. Smiling slightly, he then allowed himself to finally drift off to sleep.

óóóó

A few hours later, Nelson awoke and found Karen still asleep in his arms. Good, maybe she’ll finally feel safe enough to let me help her. He looked at his watch. 0900. He’d have to let John know to send a tray up to them.

When he had contacted Prescott about this weekend, he had told him why he was bringing Karen to the Inn. Prescott had agreed to help him to get Karen to confront her fears. John had been a close friend in the years before the Institute and had known Katherine Campbell before she died. And when he was told about Karen, Prescott had been overjoyed that his old friend had finally found someone that he could share his life with.

Looking down at her, he marveled at how peaceful she looked, yet he knew that deep inside she was trying desperately to fight a dark force within her own mind. He had seen absolute terror befall even the strongest of men, although he had always known her to be one of the strongest people he had ever met. And yet she was, at times, so very vulnerable. That was one of the things that had drawn him to her. Her inner strength and ability to go on, no matter what.

She stirred slightly and her hand came to rest on his chest. He covered it with his free hand and then kissed her lightly on the forehead. Karen then stirred and slowly opened her eyes. Focusing, she looked up at him and smiled slightly.

"Good morning."

Bending his head down slightly and kissing her softly, he replied, "Good morning to you. You feel better?"

She slowly became aware of the implication of his words. "Yes, thank you. I had a bad dream and…it was really very weird."

He looked at her, trying to figure out whether or not to call her bluff on this. But it was too early for confrontations and he really wasn’t ready for it, either. Harry shifted his weight and turned on his side facing her. Taking his left hand to her hair, he pulled her gently to him. His mouth then came crashing down on hers, taking her breath away. He let his hand wander downward to her waist and pulled her even closer and then on top of him. She returned his kisses with equal enthusiasm. His hands then rounded her back and slowly found themselves grasping her buttocks and pulling her tighter onto him. For the longest time they were intertwined in the embrace and its ensuing passionate conclusion.

An hour or so later, Karen was still lying under the covers on the huge four-poster bed but now she watched Nelson as he dressed to go downstairs to see Prescott about a tray for breakfast. He had showered, shaved, and was about to leave when he turned back to the bed and leaned over and passionately kissed her.

Karen’s arms moved around his neck and when she broke the embrace, she smiled and asked, "Hmmmm…what was that for, sir?"

"Simply because I wanted to, m’dear," he replied, returning her smile. "I’ll go see John about something to eat. Sleep a while longer if you want." He stared into her eyes trying to see what was behind them. Was this a mask she wore or was the safeness she felt real? Could he get her to open up?

"Actually I think I’m going to go in and take a quick shower while you’re gone. Please extend my apologies to Mr. Prescott about our not coming down to breakfast." She stretched her arms over her head and looked at him. "Actually, some coffee and a couple of bagels wouldn’t be bad if you can manage it."

"I’ll see what I can find. See you in a bit," he replied, kissing her lightly again, then headed out the door.

Karen lay there, alone in the huge old bed, surveying her surroundings. She felt safe here for some reason. She reasoned that it was because she was here, in this beautiful, wonderful fantasy with him. But deep down inside, she knew it was because she was away from the Lab and the possibility of diving. She clasped her hands behind her head and took a few deep breaths.  She knew that sooner or later, she’d have to confide in him.  The problem was…would he truly understand.

She threw off the covers and grabbed her robe that was hanging on the bedpost. She walked over to the window and stared out. The sun was hanging half way in a brilliant cloudless blue sky. Looking out over the grounds, she found herself deep in thought as to what she really was going to do. Then suddenly, as if a cool fresh breeze had blown through the room, she knew she had to have a long talk with him. She had to make him understand something that she herself wasn’t sure of and hope that he wouldn’t be too disappointed or angry.

óóóó

Harriman Nelson descended the staircase that exited down into the kitchen area. Turning the corner, he found John and Maggie Prescott sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee.

"Harry! Come on in. Grab a cup and pour yourself some coffee. Maggie just made a pot so it’s fresh."

Nelson took a cup from a little stand on the counter and poured himself a cup of the coffee. Turning around and leaning back against the counter, he slowly sipped as he looked at the two people sitting at the table.

"Harry, you don’t look happy, my friend." Prescott remarked.

"It’s okay, John. It’s just that…"

Maggie Prescott looked over at her husband. A silent nod from him and she stood up. "Harry, I think I’ll fix a tray and take it up to your room. Is she awake?"

Taking another sip of the hot beverage, Nelson nodded. "Yes…well…at least she was when I left."

"Well, I’ll take the tray up and you two can talk," Maggie Prescott said. She got up and took hold of a serving tray. Within a few moments, she had filled it with a thermal pot of hot coffee, bagels, cream cheese, fruit and all the trimmings. She then turned and told the men, "I’m going to leave you two to your scheming. But I’m going to put my two cents worth in here." She turned to Nelson. "Harriman, she’s been through a very traumatic ordeal. And from what you’ve told us, she’s never had to face this before. never. At least… not for her own self. Tread lightly, ok…."

"Maggie, I have been, I’ve given her plenty of chances to talk to me, but she refuses. Even denies that there’s anything wrong. She’s been having horrific nightmares. Had one last night, in fact. I’m losing my patience and I know that’s not the right thing to do with her."

Maggie sat down the tray on the counter and put her hand on Nelson’s arm. "Harry, from what you’ve told us, she’s had her share of tragedy. She’s just had to face the real prospect of her own mortality. And considering the kind of work she does, it’s amazing that she hasn’t had to do it before now. Either she’s one lucky lady, or she’s had a guardian angel sitting on her shoulder the whole time. Give her the time she needs; she’ll open up to you. And when she does, you need to be there to hold on to her, ‘cause it won’t be easy."

John Prescott looked at his wife and nodded. "I agree with Maggie, Harry. She hits me as being one intense lady when she has to be. I’ve seen that before in people. So focused on one thing and expectin’ so much of herself. No, Harry, she’s had her confidence shaken to the very core. Keep chipping away what’s wrong. It may take a while, but eventually, you’ll wear her down."

Nelson drank the coffee and then refilled his cup. "What I’m afraid of, John, is that her reluctance to really deal with this is going to also affect the DWD team." He cocked his head slightly and continued, "Chip Morton has already approached me about it. He sees it too. And he’s her number two man on the team. It puts me in a rather ticklish situation here. On one hand, I want to give her all the time she needs, but on the other hand…"

Prescott nodded, "…On the other, you’re going to have to make a tough decision with what do with the team. I know. And that’s a tough issue. After all, you are her commanding officer, not just her…well, whatever they call it these days." Prescott narrowed his eyes and one eyebrow arched itself. "You know, you might just have to take her off of the team. Temporarily, of course. But if her behavior is a determent to the team, you have no other choice. Look, Harry, I know things have changed a lot since I was in, and you run an informal group down there. But you may really have to get tough with her. She impresses me as being one tough cookie. And from what you’ve said about her background, I think she just might need the shock. Now, mind you, it won’t be easy. Her pride is going to take a beating, particularly with it coming from you. But…if she’s got what I think she has deep down inside, she’ll come out of this ok and much better to boot."

Maggie stood with the tray in her hand and leaned slightly against the door frame at the bottom of the staircase. "I agree with John, Harry. But, beware.....she'll put up a fight until then. Just don’t lose that Irish temper of yours and blow the whole damn thing. Now, I’m going to get this upstairs before it gets cold." She turned and started up the stairs. Prescott watched her as she left and smiled.

"You know, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m one lucky son of a bitch."

Nelson smiled slightly. "You’re right, John. She is the best thing that could've ever happened to you."

"And Karen Davis is the best thing that’s happened to you, my friend." Prescott raised his cup in a mock toast to his old friend. "Seriously, Harry, you get her through this, you really ought to marry the lady. She’s just what you need. Fire and ice, Harry. That’s what you need. Not some little mouse that’s gonna sit in the background and play the role of showpiece…No, old buddy…you need somebody with some backbone. I checked her out, you know. I do still have some contacts. And I was impressed, to say the least." He sipped his coffee and then looked at Nelson with a somewhat mischievous grin. "What I want to know is how come it took you two years before you asked the lady out?"

Nelson shifted his weight and then walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. "Frankly, I’m not sure. Looking back on it now, I realize I was attracted to her from the first moment I laid eyes on her. There was just something about her, you know? Anyway, as you well know, I’ve always kept my personal life separate and apart from my professional one. Karen was, from the very beginning, a part of the professional one but her daughter, Caitlin, kept dropping little comments ever so often.  And then everybody else down there…including Rennalt.  And you know how much of a pain in the ass Tony can be at times." Harriman smiled to himself, remembering the various e-mails that he had had from Caitlin, especially the one that finally led him to take the final step…and the fact that it seemed that everyone at the Institute was in on the conspiracy to get them together. "Now that’s a kid you ought to meet, John. She’s the one who kept after me about her mother. I’d swear that if I didn’t know better, she was trying to play matchmaker between us."

"Who knows, Harry, maybe she was. A lot of times, others see what we ourselves refuse to. Maybe she saw her mother’s reaction to you and vice versa and decided to take matters into her own hands. Whatever. As for Tony…I’m not surprised to hear he meddled in your ‘affairs’.  He’s been doing that for a long time now and you can’t tell me he hasn’t been.  But the point is, you finally did do something about it. Now, old friend, it’s up to you to help the lady get back on track."

Prescott got up and retrieved the coffee pot from the stove. Refilling Nelson’s cup and then his own, he sat the pot down on a trivet in the center of the table.

"John, I know that. But the problem is how to do it. She’s so very good at hiding the hurt. I watched her last night and this morning and I’m telling you, had Caitlin not clued me in on the real problems, I’d have never known."

"Harry, what really happened down there? I know only what little you’ve told me. But for it to effect her this bad, there’s got to be more than what you’re telling me."

Nelson leaned back in the kitchen chair and stretched his legs out. Holding the cup in both hands, he pondered his response for just a few moments.

"Basically, in a nutshell, there was an undersea avalanche that buried her and a team member in one of the mini-subs. They were both hurt. Lee Crane and I had to help get them out by using the robotic arms on the Flying Sub. Karen was hurt the worst, John. Will Jamison said it was fluid pressure built up on the brain. They had to do surgery right in the decompression tank. She was in a coma for nearly 48 hours afterward. I think the fact that she was conscious during the avalanche coupled with seeing themselves being buried alive nearly a mile down must have hit her pretty hard."

Prescott passed Harry a plate of the bagels and handed him some silverware and cream cheese. "Look, wouldn’t you be scared too, if that had happened to you for the first time? Think about it, Harry! Think about the times that you and Seaview and her crew have been sitting on the bottom in some bad circumstances. Now, turn that around and you’ll see that, for her, this was 1000 times worse. Especially since she had never faced the possibility of her own death before," John exclaimed. "Harry, would you like me to try to talk to her and see what I can do? Maybe someone who’s not close to the situation may be able to get further than you will? Or maybe Maggie?.... Actually, come to think of it, Maggie might be the one who would be better suited for this than me. Another woman and all that, you know. What do you say?"

"John, at this point, I’ll try anything."

"Ok, I’ll talk to Maggie. But then, if I know Maggie, I’d be willing to bet that she’s up there right now assessing the situation and talking to her. And if there’s anyone that can make heads or tails out of a strange situation, it’ll be my Maggie."

óóóó

Maggie Prescott was indeed talking to Karen Davis. She had taken the breakfast tray up to the suite and found Karen about to head for the shower. The two women struck up a conversation and Karen seemed to find herself completely at ease with her hostess. Maggie was regaling in telling Karen how long she and John had known Harriman Nelson. Feeling more and more like her old self, Karen chimed in with a few of her own stories about him.

At one point, Maggie deliberately but delicately asked about the accident and if she was all right now. Karen thanked her for her concern and advised her that she was just fine. Maggie wasn’t convinced, however. There was a certain strain to her voice, almost undetectable to anyone else. She watched Karen’s mannerisms, listened to her. Although she didn’t know her, she still picked up on the body language. Harry’s definitely got his work cut out for him here. She’s scared about something, that’s for sure.

"You know that John and Harry are old, old friends. John actually is the older. He was in his third year at the Academy when Harry got there."

"Why did Admiral...I mean John...leave the Navy?"

"This winery belonged to the Prescott family. It was usually handed down to the oldest son, which John is not. Anyway, John’s brother never really took much of an interest in the business. In fact, they almost had to shut down. John, though, had the real nose and palate it took, so in order to save it, the family approached him about taking over when he retired. He did and we’ve been here ever since. You don’t know how long he has tried to get Harriman Nelson to come up here. And Harry always had something else he was into. But now he’s got you to think about, now doesn’t he?

"This is a beautiful place, Maggie. It’s probably more so in the spring and summer. I envy you."

Maggie Prescott watched Karen as she spoke. She saw the flickers of light in her eyes as she spoke about Nelson. It was obvious to Maggie that Karen was in love with him, but at the same time, there was something else there. She wasn’t sure, but she could have sworn it was fear. Why would she be afraid of him if she loves him so much? This doesn’t make sense.

"Well, I’ve got to get downstairs and start cooking for lunch. If you want anything, use the phone and it’ll ring in the kitchen." Maggie started out the door when she suddenly turned and said, "And if you ever just want to come down and talk, I’d love to have another set of hands in the kitchen."

Karen smiled at the gracious woman. "Thank you, I’ll remember that."

Maggie left her to her coffee and bagels and headed back down to the kitchen. When she turned the corner, she found Nelson sitting at the kitchen table with John. She pulled out a chair and sat between the two of them.

"Harry, that’s one hurt lady that’s up there."

Nelson looked at Maggie in disbelief. How could she know anything after just a brief meeting with Karen?

"Look, don’t ask how I know, because both of you would think I’m crazy, but I do know a few things. One, she loves you very much. Didn’t have to say it, but the tone of her voice showed it. Two, along the same light, though, she’s afraid of you for some unknown reason., and three, she’s most definitely fighting some sort of battle inside herself."

He sat the coffee cup down and rubbed one hand through his hair. "Ah...and you got this from your conversation with her, did you?"

"Look, often times it’s not what is said, but what is not said that gives the clue. Now, I may be wrong, but for some unknown reason, I think she’s afraid of you. Now, the reason why is something you need to find out." Maggie looked at Harry and then to her husband. "John can tell you that I’m pretty good at reading people. Ahhh....Harry, there’s no doubt that she loves you. Her eyes light up at the sound of your name. But at the same time, there’s something else there.....almost like fear."

Nelson looked genuinely puzzled. Why would Karen be afraid of him? That just didn’t make any sense!

Maggie sat there, letting him digest what she had just said. Then she made an offer to him. "Harry, let me try to get her to open up. You’re too close to the situation. She may perceive your inquiries and concern as a threat. Can you stay for a few extra days? It may take that long, but if it works, it’ll be worth the time."

"We could probably stay a day or so longer, Maggie. I’ll try anything if it will help."

"Good!....Then it’s settled!" John smiled. "Now, Harry, didn’t you say that you wanted to see our operation here?"

Nelson nodded and the two men left the kitchen and head toward the winery.

Maggie, in the meantime, started on a plan to get Karen to open up and confront whatever was haunting her.

óóóó

Up in the suite, Karen looked out the window and saw Nelson and Prescott head toward the winery operation. She decided to dress and take Maggie up on her offer; maybe she could talk to her. She seemed to be just what Karen needed - someone to really pour her heart out to.

Karen dressed and found herself going down to the kitchen. Maggie was washing fresh vegetables for the chicken cacciatore that would be served that evening for dinner. Upon seeing Karen, she smiled.

"Well, hello....I’m preparing the vegetables for dinner. Want to help?"

"Sure, I can cut veggies with the best of them," she replied.

Maggie then handed her a knife and the two women proceeded to cut, slice and dice the vegetables for dinner. They laughed at each other’s jokes and Karen seemed to be relaxing. Maggie was easy to talk to so when she asked Karen about the accident, Karen decided to finally say something.

"I guess Harry’s told you what happened to me."

"Well, he did sort of say something to John about it. Told him that you were pretty badly injured and that you took about 6 months off to heal. I hope everything’s okay now."

Karen stopped what she was doing and gazed out the window at the vineyards. Tears suddenly formed and she started to cry. Maggie saw what was happening and put her knife down and put her arm around her.

"Maggie, I’ve got to talk to someone. I’m so afraid."

The two women sat down at the table and Maggie put her hands over top of Karen’s.

"Why are you afraid?"

Karen looked up at her, tears following worn paths down her cheeks.

"I’m afraid that if Harry knows how really frightened I am that he’ll be angry and disappointed. You see, I was originally brought aboard as the Seaview’s new Diving Officer. I was the one who built the Deep Water Diving Team for him. He has such high expectations, as well he should. But I’m afraid that those same high expectations also extend to me as a person. Maggie, I don’t think I’ve ever been as afraid of dying as I was that day. A mile under water, buried alive. I watched those rocks come down on top of us and I couldn’t do a thing. I couldn’t do a damn thing! I tried, Maggie, I really truly tried. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t.... ."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

Maggie let her cry. For at least ten minutes or more, the two women sat at the table, Karen crying her very soul out and Maggie holding on to her. Best to let her get this out of her system, Maggie thought.

After a bit, Maggie got up and got a box of tissues and sat them down next to Karen. Sitting back down, she leaned back in the kitchen chair and looked at her. She saw a woman who, for the very first time, had had to come to terms with death. Whether she lived or died had depended upon unforeseen forces and she had not been able to influence the outcome.

"Karen," Maggie softly said. "We don’t usually pick the way we die. That’s not for us to do. These things are not exactly in our control."

"I know. But I’ve gone over it and over it and over it in my mind so many times to see if there was something I’d missed.....something I did or didn’t do....that caused us to be buried......and......."

"And you can’t find anything, right?"

She nodded her head yes.

"Karen, Harriman Nelson is the type of man who accepts things like this. He knows you did every thing in your absolute power to keep this from happening. Yes, he has high standards. But he has to. Look, if he didn’t, do you really think you’d be aboard Seaview?"

Karen got up and crossed over to the sink. Turning around to face Maggie, she dried her tears with the back of her hand. "I know what you’re saying is true, but still........"

"But still nothing. Listen to me, ok? I’ve know Harriman for a long, long time. He’s in love with you. We knew Katherine Campbell long ago and you’re nothing like her. But I’ll tell you this....You are the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He really hasn’t wanted to get serious about anyone until you came into his life. I see how he acts around you, how those blue eyes shine when you’re around or when your name is mentioned. Karen, look. A word of advice, okay? Tell him exactly what you’ve told me. You might just be surprised at what you find out."

"I can’t, Maggie. Then he’ll know I’ve failed him."

"Oh, bull. You haven’t failed him, Karen. Not in the least."

"I have if I can’t dive!"

So that’s it! That’s what she’s afraid of. Maggie looked at her. "What do you mean if you can’t dive?"

Karen looked away from the gaze of her eyes. Swallowing hard, she looked back.

"Maggie, I’m petrified to go back into the water to dive. Every time I get near the diving lab, I freeze up. And even thinking about going back down there puts me in a cold sweat. I’m afraid to even come near it for the first time in my life. Look, ever since my husband died, I’ve lived on the edge. The FA-18s, the diving......everything. I felt like nothing could touch me. Maybe it’s been a death wish........I don’t know. But I know that, for the first time in my life, I’m afraid to even go back."

The two women looked at each other. Karen was standing there with tears in her eyes.

"And if I can’t dive, what good am I to Harry or to Seaview? That’s why I was brought aboard. I can’t ask him to keep me at the Institute simply because I’m his lover."

"Karen, you’re much more than that to him. I know that for a fact. Good God, woman, don’t you see what’s going on here? You’ve let the fear take over your whole being. Now, listen to me, you’ve got to talk to him. Tell him. Let him know. And if I know anything about him at all, he will understand."

"Maggie, I’m afraid that my self-doubt is going to effect the team. If they were to get in a tight jam, right now, the way I feel, I can’t even put a wet suit on much less look out Seaview’s bow without getting antsy."

"Then you’ve just got to confront your fears, Karen, and you’ve got to tell Harriman about it, too. You owe him that much."

She bowed her head slightly and nodded. "I know, I know....it’s just....just...that I don’t really know if I can face him about it."

Maggie got up and crossed over to where Karen was standing by the sink. "Well, you’d better get over that real quick, ‘cause if you don’t, he may have to take some drastic measures that he doesn’t want to take."

Karen looked up at her and she recognized that the older woman was giving her a very subtle but gentle warning. She was no fool. She recognized the fact that Nelson was her commanding officer and her employer, not only the man with whom she was in love with. And he had responsibilities as well. He would make decisions based on the welfare of the crew and the facts of a given situation, and if that included an unpleasant one involving her, then he would do what had to be done, regardless of how he felt.

Just about that time, Nelson and Prescott came through the kitchen door. The two men stopped short and Maggie shot a quick hard look at her husband. John knew that look so well that he immediately said to Nelson, "Harry, let’s go get a bottle of our best vintage for dinner tonight. I think the ladies need some more time to...ah...get things under control here."

Maggie made slight motion with her head and John herded him out of the kitchen. She didn’t want Karen to feel threatened just when she had finally decided to open up. Having Harry around would not be conducive to the process.

Karen looked at Maggie in appreciation and got herself together. She certainly didn’t want Nelson to see her in tears. He would ask too many questions, and she wasn’t prepared to answer them yet.

"If you want to talk, you know you can talk to me. I’m really good at listening," Maggie told her.

"Thank you, Maggie. I really appreciate that. I know that I’ve got to talk to him. I’ve got to confess the whole thing to him....I just don’t know whether I’m really up to it yet."

"Karen, can I give you a small piece of advice?"

Karen looked at her and a slight smile crept onto her lips. For some reason, she trusted this older lady. She just bared her greatest fears to her and found herself valuing her opinion. If there was anyone who knew Harriman Nelson, it would be the Prescotts. And Maggie probably knew him as well as her husband.

"Sure, go ahead. I’ll take any I can get."

"Talk to him. Tell him everything you’ve told me. I think you may actually be amazed that he really does understand better than what you think."

"Thanks, Maggie. I eventually will. I’ve just got to figure out a way to do it."

"Don’t wait too long, Karen. He’ll understand, but don’t wait too long to do it."

Karen then excused herself and went back upstairs to their rooms. The longer she stayed there, the more she realized that Maggie was right. Shortly, Nelson came in with a couple of bottles of vintage wine in his hands. He explained that John Prescott had shown him the winery’s vast inventory and had graced them with a couple of bottles of their finest vintage years. Karen patiently listened as he explained the various processes and types of wines produced by the Prescott Wines. She sat over by the window in the bedroom, occasionally glancing outside and letting her mind wander back to the accident, then her mind would snap back to the present and she would hear him explaining the chemical processes of wine making.

"Karen, are you okay?" he asked her, suddenly seeing a far away look in her eyes.

She looked at him, seeing him, yet not seeing him; hearing him, yet not hearing him. Her mind obviously somewhere else.

"Karen....?"

"Yes?....Oh, I’m sorry....I was thinking about something....Harriman, I need to talk to you."

He stopped short and looked over at her. Watching her closely, he thought he saw something different in her eyes.

"I’m sorry, I’m absorbed in all of this. What is it?" He came over and sat down next to her.

She looked at him and studied his expressions. Taking slow deep breaths to center and calm herself, she gathered her courage to face what she was about to do.

"Karen, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

She looked at him, watching his expressions, his body language. She drew in a deep breath and decided to dive in, feet first.

"Harry, you’ve been asking me what was bothering me. Well, I guess I need to tell you."

He watched her as she looked past him to the outside. He could see flickers of pain behind the eyes although her face was expressionless. Somehow he knew that this was what he had been hoping for. That she was about to open up to him.

Minutes passed without comment. Finally she turned toward him, and without further comment, she said, "Harriman....I’ve been....having.... nightmares."

"I know, Karen. But why? What’s wrong?"

"The accident...I keep reliving the accident." She looked at him. Tears were starting to form and she had promised herself that she would not cry when she told him. She had to be strong if he was to have any respect for her.

"Harriman...I...I...couldn’t do anything when the rocks started to fall. I tried to get us out of there, I really did. I tried. But it wouldn’t budge." She looked away. She didn’t want him to see the tears.

His hand went out to hers. Watching her now, he could see the anguish behind the mask starting to come through. For the first time other than when they made love, she was letting her true feelings come through.

"Karen, I know you did all you could. We all know that."

"I’ve failed you, Harriman. I allowed that situation to happen. I should have known...should seen the problems..."

"You did, don’t you remember? You told me that you were concerned about the terrain. You told me that a couple of times. Karen, I had reservations about the dive myself. I had a bad feeling about it and I could have...should have...stopped you. But I didn’t. You’re not responsible for what happened down there."

"Yes I am, Harriman. I was in charge down there. I’m the expert, remember? I should have been able to have foreseen what was going to happen."

"Damn it, Karen. Do you think that I hold you responsible for what happened? That area was unstable. You tried to get Johnson and yourself out of there. I know that and so does your team."

He got up and moved over to her. Taking her hand, he slowly pulled her up to him and held her as she started to cry. This can’t be all of it. There has to be more. This is too deep a hurt.

Putting his hand under her chin and lifting her face up to look into his eyes, he saw the tears as they streamed down her cheeks. He softly touched his lips to hers and tasted the saltiness of her tears.

"There’s more to it than this, isn’t there?" he calmly asked her.

Closing her eyes, she couldn’t look at him. This was going to be the hardest of all to admit and she wasn’t sure that she could.

"Karen,....what else is there? Tell me." He could feel her heart pounding rapidly. She was clearly anxious about something.

The tears slowly came down. Opening her eyes, she found herself staring straight into steel blue eyes that showed obvious concern. Swallowing hard, she tried to find what courage she could before finally making the confession to him.

"I....I don’t know....if I...can dive again."

He looked at her, puzzled at her statement. "What do you mean, you don’t know if you can dive again? Of course you can. You’re more than fit to dive, Karen. Dr. Jamison cleared you to dive."

Looking away from his stare, she realized that he hadn’t understood her statement. "Harry,...I’m....I’m afraid to go back in," she finally admitted to him. "I honestly don’t know if I can dive." The tears had started to stream down her cheek now. She finally looked at him and waited for his reaction.

He stared at her, trying to comprehend the meaning of her words. He suddenly realized what she was saying. The accident had finally cracked that impenetrable amour and struck at her very being. She was now totally terrified of diving. He had seen this reaction before in many men. But she was the one person that he never expected to see it in. She was always so in control, so calm, so collected. Now he understood. She had been fighting her own fears and she needed him now more than ever. Whether she wanted to really admit it or not.

"Karen, I don’t know what to say. There’s no shame in being afraid...," he found himself saying.

"Harry, I’ve been afraid before.  Hell, that’s what keeps me alive in the air and in the water. You don’t realize that every time I fly…every time I dive I ...we ...risk being killed. I’ve lived with that every day since I came in the Navy. It’s not that ..I wish it were that simple ….No, it’s not that."

"Then what is it? How can I help?" He reached out for her hand to bring her closer to him but for some inexplicable reason she pulled it away.

"Harry, you have a right to expect your officers to give you 1000 percent. And right now, I can’t do that. I can’t even give you ninety percent. You give me an order to dive right now and I couldn’t obey it."

"Karen, you can’t mean that. You’ve always given everything you have and more. Your team would follow you anywhere, anytime. You know that."

"Harriman, didn’t you hear what I just said?! I can’t dive!!!...," she told him in a constrained, hushed tone. Then, in a near whisper, she said, "I won’t dive."

Nelson looked at her in amazement. After all this time, she finally had let the fear win out. This was definitely not like her.

"What do you mean you won’t dive? Karen, you can’t let fear win out here. You..." he told her.

"Harry, you don’t understand, do you? Your head Dive Officer can’t dive because she’s afraid to go back in the water! I’m no good to you...or to Seaview!" Her reserved calm had finally broken. The barriers had crumbled and she had finally bared her very soul to him.

Standing there, he watched her as she totally lost her composure. It was as if every fiber of her being had been stripped away. He finally reached out and took hold of her. Resisting at first, she finally gave in and let him wrap his arms around her. They stood there for the longest time, him holding her, no words being said. He felt her breathing and heartbeat slow. It was only then that he loosened his grip on her.

He raised her head slightly and bent down and kissed her lightly.

"Karen, the one thing I know about you is that you are not a quitter." He smiled slightly and continued, "I’ve been on the receiving end of your ‘tenacity’, remember? Admitting our fears is three fourths of the battle. The other fourth is dealing with them after that."

"Harriman, I can’t..."

"Yes, you can and you will. Now that I know what is really wrong, we can work on it together."

Karen looked at him and wondered to herself if she could really do what he was asking her to do. She would have to try. Her very being depended upon it. Resigning herself to his wishes, she decided to try it his way.

"All right, Harry," she sighed, reconciling herself to the fact that he now knew but she felt he didn’t really understand. She would have to deal with the actual problem herself….if she was really able to.

óóóó

That evening, dinner was a bit strained between them. She felt a bit uncomfortable now with him. For some inexplicable reason, she felt extremely self conscious now, unsure of herself. He watched her, observed her. Caitlin was right! She has given up. It’s as if someone has broken her very will, her very spirit. He decided that staying there an extra day would not be necessary now. They would leave Sunday as planned. What had to be done now could be handled back at the Institute. And he could now enlist Caitlin’s help. I just wish she hadn’t kept this from me. Lord knows what she’s been going through!

Later, after dinner, they went for a walk. Reaching the gazebo they stopped to talk but in fact did very little of it.

He held her as he had the night before. However, this time, he decided not to pressure her. His ultimate goal, to get her to open up, had been obtained. But there was something decidedly different about her. In actuality, she spoke very little. It was what she didn’t say that spoke volumes.

As they walked back to the house that night, he felt her distancing herself from him. Thinking maybe he was imaging it, he put it in the back of his mind and decided instead to make this last night memorable for the both of them. Stopping underneath a huge oak tree, he suddenly drew her close to him and kissed her passionately. But even in that, he felt that she lacked the fire and passion she had always shown. Something else was wrong, but he didn’t know what it was and even though she had finally told her about her fears and nightmares, he knew that this wasn’t the end of it. All he could do now was hope for the best and that she could deal with what was bothering her.

óóóó

Sunday morning, the sun hung midway in the sky when they woke. A slight knock at the door had awakened Karen and she silently got out of the bed and went to see who it was. Opening the door slightly, she found Maggie Prescott holding a tray with coffee, bagels, and cream cheese as well as muffins and some butter. Karen motioned her to place the tray on the large round table in the sitting room. Before Maggie left, she looked at Karen and then asked quietly, "Did you tell him?"

Karen closed her robe, sat down on a chair, and nodded. "Yes, for what good it did. Maggie, somehow, I don’t really think he understands. He says he does, but somehow...I just don’t know."

Maggie touched Karen’s arm and smiled. "Give him a chance, Karen. He does understand. Far more than you know."

"I hope so, Maggie. I really hope so."

óóóó

That afternoon, Karen Davis and Harriman Nelson said their goodbyes to Maggie and John Prescott and headed back down the center of California to Route 1 and the coastline toward Santa Barbara. Conversation was constrained, but amiable and pleasant. Some good had come out of this trip at least, he thought. He now knew what was troubling her and what she had been facing. It still had to be fully reckoned with, but he now had a handle on a possible solution. Driving back, he wanted to try to talk a little further with her about it, but somehow could not keep his mind on the subject after seeing a black Ford Bronco shadowing them since they had let the Prescott’s. At first he thought he was imaging it. Seeing things that weren’t there. But after about an hour of looking in his rearview mirror and seeing the same vehicle, he began to wonder. Then all of a sudden, the Bronco was gone and instead there was a green 4 door sedan in its place. Nelson put it out of his mind, looking back only occasionally. Then there was the funny occurrence that the green sedan disappeared and the black Bronco showed up again.

This is odd. Very odd. If only I could get a license plate number for Security to run after we get home.

He tried slowing down, but the other vehicle at first refused to take the bait, then all of a sudden, passed him in a rush. Nelson quickly made a mental note of the California license plate, AES-7153. He would have to remember to have Security run the tag as soon as they got home.

Something just doesn’t smell right here but I can’t put my finger on it.

Karen had been watching all this transpire without making any comment. She had enough just enough covert training to recognize the look he conveyed when he suspected they were being followed. Silently, she watched him as he maneuvered the Mercedes smoothly around the mountain curves near the shoreline. Never once did she feel threatened nor uneasy, just curious as to what was going on. Then, without comment, she saw the black Bronco pass them and afterwards saw Nelson exhale a small sigh of relief as he apparently saw no one else behind them. Maybe it was a fluke, but then again, maybe it wasn’t. Whatever it was, it was enough to cause him a bit of concern and he didn’t like that at all.

Nothing was said about the incident. Making a mental note to check with security once they were back, he settled into driving the picturesque Route 1 highway from south of San Francisco down to Route 101 heading into Santa Barbara. Just prior to Route 101, he turned off onto a smaller paved road that headed toward the Institute.

If anyone’s following now, I’ll definitely know it. The only ones that should be on this road are persons who have business here.

The closer they got to the gate, the more he was now convinced that no one had followed them since the turnoff. Once they reached the security gate and pulled up to the guardhouse, Nelson relaxed. But he still wanted that license plate run as soon as possible. There was something funny about the whole thing.

óóóó

The next two weeks passed calmly and without much incident. Caitlin had decorated the apartment elaborately then she and Karen had made the trek to a tree farm to hand pick their Christmas tree. They then decorated the tree with a hodgepodge of ornaments collected from years past.

On Christmas Eve, Karen and Caitlin hosted an elaborate dinner party. The 2 women had spent most of the day cooking and wrapping packages. At 1700 precisely, Harriman Nelson walked through the Davis’s front door to a flurry of activity. Caitlin was finishing the table with its elaborate antique china, silver flatware and crystal stemware. Karen was still in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on the dinner as the final dishes were placed in the oven for baking. She hadn’t even had the chance to take a shower. She came out of the kitchen to find him standing near the tree, gazing at the lights and deep in thought. Caitlin shot her a look and then quietly exited the room, leaving the two of them alone.

"Penny for your thoughts," she spoke softly.

Startled, he turned around and looked at her.

"Hmmmm,…I’m sorry…..What did you say?"

"I said, ‘Penny for your thoughts’...Looks like you were in such deep thought….The tree is beautiful, isn’t it? Caitlin and I had a wonderful time decorating it. I’m amazed each year that we have so much stuff that we never get to use."

"The tree is definitely beautiful," he agreed. Looking around the apartment, he smiled. "Caitlin did a wonderful job."

"Yes, she did." Karen moved over beside him and slipped her arm through his. Raising up a bit, she kissed him softly on the cheek. He shifted slightly and turned her action into a full blown kiss. Holding her, he smelled the wonderful array of aromas of what she had been doing mixed with her personal perfume.

"Now what was that for, Captain?" he smiled and asked, teasing her as he held her.

"Well, I just wanted to thank you for that wonderful weekend we had."

"It was my pleasure, Karen, you know that." He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. She looked up at him and grinned, then softly kissed him again, but this time, he wouldn’t let her out of the embrace.

They stood there before the lighted tree, locked together. They were so involved that they didn’t notice Caitlin standing in the doorway with a dishtowel.

"Hum...uh," she coughed, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. "Will you two break it up?! I need Mom in the kitchen, Admiral."

Karen caught herself and then shot her daughter a sly grin. "Caitlin, really! Your timing leaves much to be desired. I thought I taught you better than that."

"But, Mom, you did! You know, I could come back later, but we do have to get finished here before everyone else comes. I’m sure that the Admiral would understand that if he wants to eat dinner, the cook has to be able to finish cooking it."

Nelson found himself amused at this little domestic scene. Actually, he suddenly found himself quite comfortable in it, and that amazed him. Slightly releasing his hold on Karen, he spoke directly to Caitlin.

"Young lady, I most humbly bow to your wishes. From what I smell, dinner should be absolutely delicious." He then kissed Karen on the cheek and released his hold on her.

"Well, sir...dinner is actually almost ready. Now...if the other guests will get here..." Karen replied as she returned his smile and started to wander back to the kitchen.

Caitlin remained behind in the living room. She had been looking for a chance to speak to Nelson for the last several days, but could never find the time to talk to him. Once she saw that her mother had gone back into the kitchen, she walked over and stood beside him as they looked at the tree.

"I wanted to thank you for helping Mom, Admiral."

Nelson turned slightly. In a low tone, he asked, "Do you think it’s done any good? She’s still edgy around the diving lab. At least now we know exactly what’s wrong. But we can only do so much." Suddenly turning dead serious, he continued, "Caitlin, I have to be honest with you. If Seaview goes out, and she refuses to dive for other than a legitimate reason, I will have no other choice but to remove her as head of the team."

Caitlin stared at him. She knew he was right; he was doing what was best for everyone. But she also knew what such an action would do to her mother if that happened.

"Have you told her  that?"

"No, but she knows that her actions affect the team. She basically told me so herself. She also told me that she won’t dive. If she does that…if she deliberately disobeys orders…I’ll have absolutely no choice."

Caitlin’s bright blue eyes stared into his. Her face suddenly showed the sadness she felt. Although she was 19, she was mature beyond her actual years. She nodded in agreement at his statement. In a hushed tone, she replied, "Please don’t bring it up tonight, Admiral. Mom seems to be coming back to her old self on her own. I don’t want this holiday to be spoiled for her."

"Neither do I, Caitlin. But I am just letting you know in case it should happen. I certainly hope it doesn’t."

"Well, Admiral, it’s Christmas. A time for miracles, I do believe," she stated quietly and then left him to contemplate the decorations on the tree.

óóóó

Later that evening, laughter filled the Davis’s apartment. Lee Crane and Chip and Matty Morton had joined Nelson there. Although Caitlin had offered to babysit Robert Crane and Alexandra Morton, the offer had been graciously refused so that she could enjoy her time at home playing hostess for her mother. Karen had outdone herself that evening by preparing a bountiful and exquisite dinner consisting of Cornish Game Hens cooked in White Wine and Herbs, Virginia Ham with a pineapple and raisin sauce, wild rice stuffing with chestnuts and oysters, corn pudding, broccoli casserole, green beans almandine, sweet potato casserole, homemade bread and to finish it off, an Irish Cream cheesecake.

Karen had decided to pull out all the stops for the dinner. During the preparation, she stopped ever so often to remember that she had confessed all to Nelson. She also ever so often got a small ache in her stomach that she knew she would soon have to face her nightmare somehow.

Dinner went smoothly enough. In fact, they lingered over the dinner table so long that Karen finally looked up and saw the clock said 10:30. Had they really sat there for nearly four hours eating, drinking, and laughing? It certainly hadn’t seemed like that long.

At 11:00 pm, Lee Crane and the Mortons decided to call it a night. Matty quickly helped Caitlin clear the table and put away the food, leaving Lee, Chip, Karen, and Nelson in the living room. As soon as all was squared away, they bid Karen and Caitlin a Merry Christmas and left. Now, only Nelson remained. Caitlin decided to leave him and her mother alone for awhile so she busied herself in the kitchen with the final cleanup.

Karen walked out onto the balcony with Nelson following her. Slipping her arm through his, she placed her head on his shoulder. It was a cool, crisp moonless night, yet the stars seemed unusually bright, as if they were diamonds hanging against the blackness of the sky.

"I have something for you," she whispered.

"Oh?!" he replied, slightly amused, yet curious.

"Hold on for a moment. I’ll be right back." And she left him standing alone on the balcony, gazing out onto the vast expansiveness of the ocean. He looked sideways a bit and saw her retrieve a small elaborately wrapped package from underneath the tree. Turning back around, he placed his left hand in his trousers pocket and felt a small box there.

She again slipped her arm through his and then handed him the box.

"Merry Christmas, Harriman," she said softly as she kissed him on the cheek. "I know it wouldn’t be too kosher if a subordinate gave her commanding officer this gift, but considering our relationship, I felt that this was in order."

"Karen, you didn’t have to…."

"I know, but I wanted to. Besides, it’s something that you needed anyway," she remarked.

He slowly unwrapped the package and opened the box. Inside was a beautiful man’s watch with two LCD displays.

"It’s beautiful, Karen. And you’re right......I did need this. I couldn’t believe I was so careless last week in the lab."

"I know. After you told me about breaking the other one, I knew exactly what to give you. And this one is very special. A friend of mine made it up on short notice. It has a couple of special features that I’d better let you in on that actually might prove useful to you in the future."

He examined the watch face and was amazed to see not one but two separate display areas. She pointed to the bottom one.

"I knew that you absolutely hate to wear a digital pager so the bottom part here is actually an alpha-numerical pager display. It takes the place of your regular pager. The messaging system is voice activated and will display the voice message here," she told him, pointing to the display area. "The other ‘little’ feature is a homing signal which can be activated by pushing the two buttons together three times. It’s on a special high frequency ban that is assigned especially to you and you alone." She looked at him and smiled. "Who knows, if you ever get lost, shot down, or God forbid, kidnapped, all you have to do is activate the signal and we’ll know where to find you."

"Well, hopefully, I’ll never have to use that feature. It’s beautiful, Karen. Thank you." He kissed her, slowly at first and then passionately. "Now, I have something for you. Actually, I wasn’t sure what to get. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this, so I hope you like it." He pulled the little box from his pocket and handed it to her.

Equally elaborately decorated, the small box resembled that of a jewelry box. She carefully unwrapped the package and peered inside. Her eyes widened as she looked at the beautiful broach which lay on a bed of black velvet. The broach was a small gold replica of the Seaview; its bow was that of small diamonds with a ruby sat where the bow search light would be located.

"Harry, it’s beautiful!! Where on earth did you find this?" she exclaimed, taking it out of the box and pinning it onto her dress.

"A friend of mine in Boston made it for me. I’m glad you like it. When I went looking, I really couldn’t decide what to get you. Then Levi Marston, the friend of mine, suggested this. So he made it for me and sent it by special courier last week

"Well, it’s beautiful. I love it. Thank you so very much." She returned his kiss with one of her own.

Inside, the antique mantle clock softly struck midnight.

It was Christmas.

óóóó

For all intents and purposes, the Nelson Institute of Marine Research was on Christmas vacation until after the first of the new year. Most of the Seaview’s crew was on extended leave with their families and those that remained at the Institute saw light duty at best. Karen kept busy by continuing the tests on the newest camera lenses in her diving lab. She still had trouble going to the lab, but she forced herself to go, hiding the fact of her fear to any and all who worked around her. Somehow, she even managed to fool Chip Morton, who usually could spot her moods easily when no one else could.

One day in the middle of January, the Institute received a request for its DWD team to help find and retrieve the components of a missile that had mysteriously blown up in the mid-Pacific area just east of the Hawaiian Islands during a test flight. The component package had gone down in about 5000 feet of water and was emitting a homing signal. Karen and her team would be responsible for bringing up the ‘black box’ that would provide the mission control personnel with the reason that the missile when haywire. Some salvage personnel would term it trying to find a needle in a haystack at that depth and terrain, but Seaview’s DWD teams were becoming used to it. Not a very exciting assignment, but it paid the bills and kept the Admiral happy.

Seaview arrived at the drop coordinates and proceeded to track the homing signal to within a 1000 square meter area. Once down on the bottom, it was then the DWD’s responsibility to find and retrieve the components of the missile. Lee Crane guided Seaview to a soft landing on the ocean bottom next to the search site.

The teams readied themselves. Sophisticated metal detectors combined with a special sensing device would help to guide them to the missing equipment. Down in the missile room, Karen slowly approached the specialized diving gear. Tom Johnson, Mike Thompson, and Chip Morton were present when she entered to start to suit up. Chip watched her closely without trying to be too blatant about it. He had already talked to Nelson and had been apprised of the situation.

She fingered the gear and felt the fear grip the pit of her stomach. Glancing over at the other divers, she nervously picked up the gear and headed to the staging area.

Can I do this? Can I really go back out there? Or am I fooling myself? She kept asking herself these questions as she grabbed her swimsuit and went to the changing area that had been set aside for her. With each passing second, her fear became greater and greater. She kept holding the suit in her hands, frozen in place and unable to move, staring into nothingness. Chip saw her standing there and slowly approached her.

"Karen?" he almost whispered her name.

She looked up at him and he couldn’t believe what he saw. Her face was entirely drained of color, her expression frozen in a contortion of fear.

"Karen.......are you okay?" he softly asked her.

She couldn’t speak. A few seconds later, she simply laid the suit down in from of Morton.

Looking at him with a glassy eyed expression, she replied in a monotone voice, "Chip, take over the dive. I’ll monitor you from my cabin." And she walked out of the missile room, went to her cabin, and closed the door.

óóóó

Chip Morton couldn’t believe what he had just witnessed. Karen Davis had simply walked away in fear. Shaking his head and with much regret, he walked slowly to Admiral Nelson’s cabin. Pausing outside the door and dreading to go in, he drew in a deep breath and knocked on the door. A muffled gruff ‘Come in’ came from within.

Opening the door, Chip found Nelson and Lee Crane in conference over charts that were spread out on Nelson’s desk.

"Ah, Chip, yes…what’s the problem?" Nelson waved him in with one hand.

"Sir…ah…I think we have a problem with the Team."

Nelson noted the tone of voice in the Exec’s voice. Instinctively he knew what that problem was. He had been dreading this; hoping in fact that it wouldn’t happen.

Leaning back in his chair and putting down his pen, he looked at Chip and pointblank asked, "Captain Davis?"

"Yes, sir. She was supposed to suit up for the search. She came in, picked up a suit, then put it down and told me to take over the dive. That she’d monitor the progress in her cabin. She then walked out and I haven’t seen her since."

Nelson leaned up against his desk. "Damn!!! I had really hoped that this wouldn’t happen. I really thought she had this thing beat."

Crane looked at him and saw anguish in his face. Not only was he angry at her but he was angry at himself for not forcing her to deal with the problem. Now he was faced with the one decision that he had no choice but to make.

Lee turned to Morton and asked, "She didn’t give any explanation?"

"None. Just put the suit down and told me to take over. Then she left." He turned to Nelson and in a formal tone remarked, "Sir, something has to be done with regards to Captain Davis. She’s in no shape to dive at this point and could very well prove to be a danger to the Team."

Nelson looked at Morton and knew exactly what he was saying. "Very well, Chip. Take the DWD Teams out and find those components. We’ve got a job to do here. As of right now, you are in charge of the DWD Teams until further notice. See to it that the team is notified of the change."

"Yes, sir."

Crane looked at his mentor and friend. The task he faced now was not going to be an easy one, but it was one that had to be preformed. This woman was not only Nelson’s employee but had also become his lover. And that was going to make this all the harder. But Lee also knew his resolve in handling the matter. Nelson would do what was absolutely necessary get things done. And if that meant removing Karen Davis from the team she had built, then that’s exactly what it meant.

Nelson looked up at his two senior officers. His facial expression hardened and his lips thinned.

"Gentlemen, you’re dismissed. I will handle this matter from here on out."

óóóó

Down in her cabin, Karen Davis sat in silence with her back to the door and waited. Waited for Harriman Nelson to come storming through the door of her cabin, raising hell and ordering her to make the dive. She had tried to warn him at the Prescotts, but he apparently either didn’t want to or wouldn’t listen to her. Now the deed was done. She knew what lay ahead.

She was disgusted with herself. Ashamed. Never in her career had she ever walked off an assignment the way she had just done. And she knew the consequences that would have to be paid.

A loud knock at the door brought her back to reality.

"Come."

The door swung open and in walked a silent but furious Harriman Nelson.

She turned around to face him. Karen could see he was absolutely furious with her. Enraged.

"What the hell do you mean by walking out on this dive? You have a job to do, Captain Davis, and I damn well fully expect you to do it," he roared. Wheeling around to fully face her, he stared into a blank face. "Well…Karen, what’s it going to be?"

She quietly stood up and faced him. Using the desk as support, she leaned into it and then said, "Chip Morton is more than capable of heading this dive. I will monitor all progress from here. There is no need for me to go out with the team at this time."

Nelson leaned across her desk and faced her. "That’s a crock of bullshit if ever I’ve heard it, Captain." He knew exactly what the problem was and that she wasn’t going to face it so his hands were now tied.  Controlled and pointed, Nelson then issued her a direct order and an ultimatum. "Captain Davis, you will make that dive or you will be removed as head of the DWD Team effective immediately."

Straightening herself and slowly exhaling, she glared at him. Knowing damn full well that he was right did not make the truth any less easier a pill to swallow.

"Very well, Admiral. Commander Morton is quite capable of handling the duties of team leader. He’s very good and will make you an excellent coordinator as well."

The two stood toe to toe across her desk. She was trying to salvage what dignity she had left and he was trying desperately to allow her to. And yet, he was so incensed by her actions.

"Captain, as soon as we dock, you will see to your duties dockside. You will handle all administrative matters wherein Commander Morton will handle the day to day activities of the teams. Do I make myself clear?" he advised her quite pointedly.

"Yes, sir!!!"

"Good!!…You’re dismissed, Captain." And he stormed out of her cabin, slamming the door behind him.

She sat down in silence and stared at the door. For a long while, she just sat there. Then, slowly, a single tear fell from the corner of her eye.

óóóó

Back in his cabin, Nelson stalked in and slammed his cabin door.

Damn!!! Damn!!!

He pounded his fist on the desk. He was furious with her. She had deliberately disobeyed a direct order, without any explanation, without just cause. He had always hoped that it would not have come to this.

Damn it, Karen! Why?!

He sat down behind his desk and leaned back in the chair. Swiveling back and forth, he was trying to let his anger settle before going to the Control Room. How dare she defy him on this! Their relationship was one thing, but this....this was another thing entirely. In the nearly three years he had known her, both professionally and personally, he had never known her just walk out on an assignment. Caitlin was right about her mother. She had given up. Given in to the fear. Now, he was in a quandary as to what to do. He had removed her as the active head of the DWD team. He had ordered her to the Institute after they docked. What he could not order her to do was to come to her senses. He had never had to do something as painful as what he had just done. It was now that he began to question the wisdom of becoming romantically involved with her. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind or heart how he felt about her. But the wisdom of it was what he was now second guessing. Jiggs Stark had always warned him about getting too close to his officers.

Wonder what Jiggs would say about this mess? Why Karen? Why?!

óóóó

Down below in the Missile Room, Commander Chip Morton had informed the teams of the personnel changes. Immediately following the announcement, there was a barrage of questions from the men. What had happened? What was going to happen? Chip tried to answer them all as best he could, but he disliked delving into the specifics of the changes. It was enough, he told them, that the change had been made and would remain effective for however long the Admiral so deemed it. He then made the team assignments for the present job and issued equipment. Suiting up himself, he led Team 1 out on the search for the missile components. After about three hours and two teams later, all components were found and brought back aboard. Then after all gear was stored, the divers safely in the decompression tank, and the Admiral was satisfied that they had retrieved everything they had been sent for, the Seaview then headed for back for the Institute.

Upon docking back at the Institute, the crew disembarked for restrictive shore leave. Only the senior officers and a skeleton crew was left on board when Karen Davis finally came out of her cabin and headed for her apartment.

A few hours later, Nelson walked slowly to her cabin and knocked on the door. Receiving no answer, he opened the door and looked in. The cabin was spotless; every thing was in its place and in order. It was too quiet. He suddenly felt as if there were no life in that cabin, as if no one actually lived there. He closed the door and walked to the control room to check on the final shutdown procedures before going to his office in the Administration Building.

óóóó

Once inside her apartment, she dropped some clothes into the washer, turned it on, and then wandered aimlessly through the rooms. Looking at all the family photographs scattered throughout, she came upon a new one that sat on her dresser in her bedroom. Caitlin must have had the picture developed and framed. It was of Karen and Harriman sitting in front of the Christmas tree in the apartment less than a month before. Picking it up and looking at it, she then walked over to the telephone next to the bed.

What have I done?!

Picking up the phone, she dialed a phone number for a memory long past. Gazing at the photograph, she waited patiently for the phone to ring and a man to answer. Hearing the man’s voice at the other end of the phone, she spoke in a strained but controlled voice.

"Hawke, I need to ask a favor. I’ve gotten myself in a bit of a fix here and I need to come up to the cabin to think for a couple of weeks, if you don’t mind." Upon hearing the response she needed, she said goodbye and then started to pack a small suitcase. She threw in several pairs of jeans, sweatshirts, sweaters, and other assorted clothing. She then up the phone again and dialed her office.

"Terri, I’m going to be going out of town for a couple of weeks so put me on administrative leave. If you need to reach me, you can contact me on my cell phone. You’ve got the number."

Terri Styles, Karen’s secretary, replied, "Yes, ma’am." Hesitating a bit because she had already heard what had happened aboard Seaview, she asked, "Captain, where are you going in case I…we…need to get in touch with you?"

Karen continued to look at the picture of her and Nelson. Her voice was laced with strain. "Terri, you have my cell phone number and that’s all you really need. I’ll be in touch. If Caitlin calls, tell her…tell her that I’ve gone to the cabin.

She then hung up the phone, walked into the laundry room, placed the wet clothes in the dryer and then went back to her packing. Shortly, she brought out her bag and picked up a couple of other things, then walked out the door and went down to her Jeep Cherokee. Driving off the compound grounds and onto the access road, she then turned southward onto Route 101 headed toward Santa Barbara and then onto VanNyes and the airport near there. She would then take a helicopter from a private service up to Big Bear Lake to an isolated mountain cabin where she would always go to think when she had a troubling problem.

óóóó

Harriman Nelson walked into his office and found Angie Pierce waiting him with a handful of messages. She knew from his demeanor not to even ask about Karen Davis. She had already heard by way of the grapevine what had happened. And she could tell by his mood that the O.O.M. was definitely not in the best of spirits.

Taking the messages from her, he grunted a short ‘Thank you’, walked into his office and slammed the door.

Shortly, Angie came in and looked at him. She had been his secretary for several years, having inherited the position from Cathy Conners Crane, who, after her marriage to Lee Crane, had gone on to head up the Ships Stores Division of the Institute. Therefore, she felt that her familiarity with him gave her a little leeway in speaking bluntly with him. Terri Styles had called her and told her that Davis had left the Institute grounds for parts unknown and that he might want to know about it. The growing relationship between Nelson and Davis had become well know around the Institute, therefore, the two secretaries kept each apprised of their bosses demeanors and moods.

Nelson was not pleased to see Angie standing there in front of him.

"What do you want?" he snarled, looking up from the pile of messages and paperwork she had handed him.

"Well, if you’re interested, Captain Davis left the Institute grounds 15 minutes ago. Destination unknown. All she left was her cellular phone number and told Terri to place her on administrative leave. One of the guards at the motor pool saw her put her bag in her Jeep and drive out. Never said a word to anyone except for Terri."

"She didn’t tell Terri where she was going?"

"No, sir. Just told her that she could be reached by cell phone. However, she did say that if Caitlin were to call for her, to tell her that she went to the cabin. Terri has no idea where that is."

"Well, that’s entirely up to her. I can’t be running off and going after her if she refuses to help herself. I thought she had this thing licked. Apparently she had all of us fooled." He got up and looked out the window at the ocean. Turning back around, his features had softened somewhat. "Angie, I don’t know what else to do. She’s got to come out of this. I’ve tried all I can. Now the rest is up to her."

"I know, Admiral. We all know that," she replied as she headed back to the door. Softly, she opened the door and let herself out, leaving him to contemplate the situation alone.

óóóó

Late that afternoon, Karen Davis was landing at a makeshift helipad on a pier on the lake down from a mountain cabin at Big Bear Lake. The older man who shuttled her up spoke briefly to her as he helped her get her luggage from the chopper. Karen hugged him and then waved as the helicopter lifted off. After picking up her bags, she walked slowly up the path to the cabin. Once inside, she unpacked her things, build a fire in the fireplace, poured herself a glass of wine, and then sat down on the couch and stared directly into the roaring flames.

óóóó

That afternoon, Nelson retrieved his car from the motor pool and drove to the deserted stretch of beach where he would go to think when he needed to clear his head. He sat on one of the rocks in such deep thought about what he had had to do that he failed to notice movement behind him. Hearing a slight rustling from behind, he turned around to see three men dressed in some sort of green military fatigues standing there. One of them displayed a semi-automatic 9 mm pistol in his hand. The other two men wore side arms as well.

"What the devil?!.......What do you want?" Nelson exclaimed.

One of them, a dark haired man well over six feet in height, answered, "You, Admiral Nelson. You’re what we want. You are now a prisoner of the First American Militia. So, if you will come quietly, you won’t be harmed."

"First American Militia!! What in the hell......?" and before he could get another word out, one of the other men stepped quickly forward and struck him viciously across the face, dropping him to his knees.

The man with the gun took a harsher tone of voice now. "Lesson One of a prisoner of war, Admiral. You will speak only when spoken to. NOW, you will come with us!"

The one who had struck him and the third man came over and grabbed him by the arms, forcibly carrying him to a waiting black Ford Bronco. Nelson’s eyes widened as he looked at the license plate on the vehicle’s back. AES-7153! The same one that had followed Karen and him back from the Prescotts. He fought with them, kicking one in the groin and putting him out on the ground. He was engaged in a fight with the second when the one with the gun struck him across the back of the neck, knocking him unconscious. They tied his hands and feet, gagged him, then loaded him into the back of the Bronco. The man with the gun then placed a large yellow envelope in the driver’s seat of the blue Mercedes and then the Bronco drove off with its prisoner.

óóóó

The next day, Angie Pearce alerted Institute security when Nelson didn’t report in for work. She had tried his home with no luck and then called Lee Crane. Knowing the events that had taken place the day before, Crane half wondered if his mentor and boss hadn’t gone after Karen, but after Ang