Reflections of the Heart

BY

Barbara Paul  &  Jane Daffron

 

Admiral Harriman Nelson, USN (ret.) sat in his cabin aboard the SSRN Seaview staring at a report in front of him but his mind was a million miles away. The boat had just completed a run with a group of scientists from MIT who were gathering seismic data on the underwater fault lines off the West Coast and had returned that morning to the Nelson Institute of Marine Research. There had been a series of minor quakes recently and MIT had contacted the Nelson Institute of Marine Research regarding the use of the Seaview in gathering their information for use in the newest study on the predictability of the underwater earthquakes in the area. There had been several problems with personality conflicts among the group. Two of the researchers had proven to have a bit of a prima donna attitude, one had been very laid back and was a bit anti-establishment, and the remaining one could only be described as extremely mild mannered. Nelson had had to play diplomat and referee between the two egotists and it had taxed his patience, and that of the crew’s, to the enth degree. Yet, somehow, the team finally managed to get the job done without killing each other before docking back in Santa Barbara.

Nelson now sat trying to finish up the report but he found himself thinking of the two week vacation he would be starting in a few days time. He was planning to take his fiancée, Captain Karen Davis, up to his hunting cabin in the mountains for a much needed rest and some quality time. This would be the longest the two had ever been away alone together. There was so much he had to do before they went. He had to get things in order quickly since snow was predicted in the higher elevations by the middle of next week. There was wood to be cut and he’d have to get at least a deer and possibly some rabbits for dinner. He’d need to check out the generator and get it fired up and operative. Some obligatory cleaning up would have to be done, but he also figured that Karen would want to help get the cabin in order. He had made preliminary plans to pick up provisions before they left, but they would take some things with them. In fact, Karen had already dug some things of hers out of storage that she intended to leave at the cabin.

‘So much to do. Damn! I haven’t been in that cabin for nearly two years. It’s probably grown over and the dust and dirt’ll have to be cleaned out before I ever take her in there. I just hope that this trip is the right thing to do.’ He put the report down and rubbed his eyes. ‘I’ve got to get out of here…if only for a while. We need to talk. I need to tell her what she’s getting into.’

He began to think about what they’d do after they got things done. He figured it’d take about four days to get everything organized and operational. The cabin was rarely used, especially in the last few years, so it’d need a lot of cleaning - something, he figured, they would do together.

He found himself unable to concentrate on the report so he set it aside and just eased back in his chair and closed his eyes. I’m so damn tired. I didn’t realize that things had gotten to me as much this time. Everybody’s wanting everything…I swear, if I ever see that bunch again, they’ll have to restrain me. So tired… he thought to himself as he closed his eyes to rest them.

The next thing he knew, he felt the barest touch of warm and passionate lips on his. Even in his half sleep, he responded with enthusiasm. As he slowly woke, he opened his eyes to find Karen standing beside him. He looked up at her curiously and then sat up in his chair.

She searched his eyes and quizzically asked, "Hmmm, now…just who were you thinking about right then?"

There was a flicker of mischievousness in his tired steel blue eyes. "Oh…I don’t know. Could have been anyone. Then again…maybe it was you," he replied as he looked at hers.

"When you didn’t show up at the house for dinner, I got to wondering. You okay?" she quietly asked as she gazed at him. Moving behind him, she began to massage his shoulders and neck. He eased back in his chair to allow her easier access to him and she could feel the tension in his muscles as her fingers began working the stiffness out of them.

Though she hadn’t been out with the boat on this trip, she’d kept in constant communication with him and she’d known how taxing the situation with the MIT people had been. Karen herself had been involved in another project at the Institute and left the on-board operations of the DWD team to Chip Morton this time out.

He looked a little rough with a day’s growth on his face and a wrinkled uniform. His eyes were a bit bloodshot. The fact that she found him in a sound sleep at that early hour of the evening worried her a little. She’d been waiting for him at his house since 1600 and she’d never known him to be late for any sort of a date with her.

"You’re tight as a drum…you sure you’re okay?" Karen asked as her fingers continued to gently massage the nape of his neck and then worked her way down to the tops of his shoulders.

"Yeah, I’m…fine. What time is it?" he responded as he took hold of the top of her hand and softly kissed it. She looked down at him as he stood and stretched a bit before heading to his bathroom to clean up.

"1930. You still hungry?" Karen moved around to the front of his desk, watching him as he came out drying his face with a towel. His uniform was rumpled and he looked like he’d been in it for more than a day. Not the usual vision of him that she was used to seeing; at least not when he wasn’t working exhaustively on some project in the lab.

"Actually, yeah, I am. How about we eat out? You didn’t make dinner, did you?" he inquired, secretly hoping she hadn’t gone to the trouble. His mind was still a bit foggy from sleep and when he suddenly remembered that he was supposed to meet her at his house, he reddened just a bit. "I’m sorry I forgot. It’s just that…"

"I know, and yes, I did…but we can reheat it if you’d rather eat in," she replied, studying him closely. He seemed a little scattered, like his mind really wasn’t on the present situation. "Harry…really, is there something bothering you?"

"No…just tired, I think, more than anything…and thinking about our ‘vacation’. I’ve been making a mental note of what I need to do before we go and then get done once we get there. It hasn’t been used in quite a while… actually close to two years. It’s probably going to need some major cleaning up some." He walked back into the bathroom and turned on his electric razor. Sticking his head out the door as he shaved, he told her, "I just want you to understand this a very rustic cabin. There are very few niceties."

"If you’re trying to scare me, Harry…it’s not going to work. As for cleaning up, no problem. I’ve survived these past few years with a teenage daughter, remember? Believe me…nothing in the world can top that. Besides, it’ll give me something to do while you’re getting the wood and our dinner…the hunting and foraging I believe is something you men are supposed to do," she replied as he came out wiping his face with a towel. He had finished shaving and combed his hair. His uniform was another story. "A bit of the rustic life has a certain appeal here…at least on a temporary basis."

"Hunting and foraging? You men? Hmmmm…Looks like we need to get some things straight here, Captain." He grinned just a bit as he stopped by his desk to retrieve some folders, "I’ll need to get the generator checked and fueled, and then we’ll need to stock up on some supplies. I can get the deer, rabbits and the fish. The rest of the stuff we’ll need to pack in. You sure you want to take the Jeep? We could fly up in the FS-1 a lot quicker. There’s a lake not far from the cabin, and if we get snowed in, at least we will have a way out. That road can become impassable real fast and they are calling for a couple feet." He packed up the papers in his briefcase sitting on his desk and .grabbed his jacket and hat.

"And why not take the Jeep? There’s no need to fly when we can drive. Besides…I was raised in the mountains, remember? Even if I do prefer the city life. There’s just something about being able to see the scenery from the car as opposed to the air…and if we leave a few days early, we can get the majority of things done before the storm hits. Then we can just settle in and get cozy," she said with a smile as she got up from his desk. Walking up to him, her arms encircled his waist and she lightly kissed him.

"Cozy, eh? Two weeks alone with me and you’ll be hauling tail back to Virginia so fast it’ll surprise you," he replied, grinning a bit, and returned her kiss.

"Uh oh…a challenge, Admiral?" she queried as her eyes seemed to sparkle at the very mention of it. "I love a challenge. Especially where it concerns you."

Raising an eyebrow just a bit, he replied, "You may be rephrasing that statement before you’re through." He was still just a bit reserved in his conduct with her. Even though they were now engaged to be married, he still tried not to come on too direct and forceful. He found it was taking every ounce of self-control and discipline to contain his emotions and desires for her sometimes and lately, it was getting harder and harder to do.

"Hmmmm, we’ll see. However, I seriously doubt it. The minute you proposed to me, Admiral Nelson, you got me for life. April 19th can’t come fast enough…although come to think of it…we’ve got a lot to do on that subject, too. Maybe this quality time will be just the thing we need." She tenderly put her hands on each side of his face and kissed him with all the ardor and desire she had. His response was natural…he reciprocated with an equal passion. Moments later, the embrace was broken and both were breathless.

His resolve was beginning to crumble as he held her. "You know something…if you keep this up…I’m not going to be responsible…"

"Responsible for what, suh?" she replied, cutting him off. He looked at her with a silent grin. "Well, Admiral, we can certainly finish this discussion at your house. Dinner can be served before…or after."  And she quickly kissed him again.

"Then why don’t we eat first?  That way we won’t be hungry afterwards…food wise, that is."  Was there just a hit of a seductive smile on his face?

"Then, Admiral…lead on." Karen opened the door and waited for him to pass. Once in the corridor, he closed the door and left the boat, heading for his home. Karen reheated the dinner she’d fixed and the two of them ate as they discussed plans for the trip. They then ‘retired’ for the night to finish their earlier ‘discussion’.

 

 

As he woke the next morning, he decided to take her advice. After breakfast, he enlisted the aid of Kowalski and Patterson, who had been assigned ashore while the boat was being resupplied for its next assignment. The three of them flew up to the cabin in the FS-1. While there, he took care of the generator and they all cut and stacked wood, and did some general cleaning. They then cleaned out the fireplace and placed logs in it in preparation for the coming visit. Once finished, they flew back to the Institute and he strolled over to her office for a chat.

Terri Styles, her secretary, sat at her desk, working diligently at her computer when he walked in.

"Is she in there?" he inquired, motioning toward Karen’s inner office.

"Yes, sir, Admiral. In fact, she really hasn’t come out all day. I think she’s been trying to get everything done before she leaves."

"Good. Well, looks like you’re going to have to hold the ‘fort’ down here, Ms. Styles. I can promise you…she won’t be calling in for messages."

Terri smiled slightly, acknowledging her boss’s habit of staying in constant touch. "Just keep her away from here. She really needs the time away. Oh, and you might want to take that cell phone away from her, too."

"She’s not driving you crazy, is she? Angie’s indicated that I have a tendency to do that to her occasionally."

"Just make sure she gets some rest. I think the wedding details are starting to get to her. She’s been going crazy trying to get the gown made. Oh, and sir, I have a message for you from Caitlin." She handed him a pink message slip. "She called in earlier and asked that I give it to you if you showed up here."

"Thanks." He glanced down at the slip and read the message. HN, Get her out of there and make her rest. Caitlin. Smiling slightly to himself, he then looked over at Terri and shook his head. "Looks like I’ve been issued my orders. Sometimes that girl…"

Terri laughed slightly and said, "Yes, sir…I know exactly what you mean."

He turned and knocked on her office door and opened it slightly, poking his head in. "You busy?" he asked as he opened the door more, then walked in and closed it behind him.

Karen looked up and smiled. "Hi! No, actually…what’s on your mind?" She eased back in her chair and looked at him. He stood before her in a pair of old dirty blue jeans, a red and black plaid flannel skirt, and a pair of hiking boots. It was more than obvious he’d been working…his hair was mussed and he seemed a little winded.

"I enlisted Kowalski and Patterson’s help and we flew up to the cabin. I’ve got the wood stacked, cleaned out the fireplace and stocked it with some wood. The generator’s checked and we have enough fuel for 2 months. I thought about what you said about getting an early start. You still game?" he reported as he sank into a chair opposite her desk. His eyes searched hers in hopes that they hadn’t betrayed his underlying intentions.

"Sure. Let me finish up with things here and then I’ll head home and get my things packed. When do you want to leave?" she inquired.

"The sooner the better. I need to get out of here before I end up killing something or someone. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but it seems like everything’s closing in around me. Everyone wants me to give their work priority and everyone’s screaming to use the sub. You know…I miss those days when all I had to worry about was that day’s experiment going right. I really miss those days….Boy, do I miss those days." he softly replied as if reminiscing about his past. Getting up, he walked over to the door and reached for the doorknob. However, he was stopped by a hand being placed on top of his. Turning slightly, he came face to face with Karen, who took him in her arms and kissed him energetically. He reluctantly broke the kiss and then the embrace, backing away just a bit.

"Captain Davis, you keep this up and we’ll never get out of here. Pick me up at 1800. Go ahead and take the rest of the afternoon off. I’m heading to my place to get my things ready," he said in a tone that sounded more like an order, yet his face held a bit of a smile.

She smiled slightly, knowing that this gruffness was just his way of dealing with things at times. She’d come to accept it after the few years of knowing him. "1800…yes, sir. I’ll be ready, sir," she capitulated, teasing him just a bit.

"Karen…don’t start…."

"Start what?" she innocently asked. "If truth be known…I haven’t even begun to ‘start’. Now…get outta here. If we’re going to leave at 1800…I’ve got quite a bit to do. I’m not going without some semblance of civilization, rustic or not."

"Just remember, not too much ‘civilization’, ok?" And after quickly kissing her on the cheek, he left.

Looking around her office, she sighed. The stack of papers in her ‘in box’ at least was shrinking. Damn! Ok, Davis…if you intend to get out of here and meet him on time…you’d better get your ass in gear and hunker down to it. So without further ado, she sat back down at her desk and started in. A couple of hours later, she finished up her paperwork, placing all files in the out box. Getting up from her desk, Karen looked around and made a mental note of things to go over with Terri on her way out. Then, grabbing her pocketbook and a couple of computer disks, she closed her briefcase, and headed out.

As she entered the outer office, Terri looked up at her boss.

"Leaving?"

"Yeah…I’ve had it. I’ve left the finished files in the ‘out box’…all correspondence and reports are on these disks." Karen handed her the disks along with some other things. "If you need anything…call me on the cell phone. You’ve got the number."

Her secretary stood and leaned over her desk. Terri Styles was slightly older than Karen…and the epitome of a professional secretary. She, along with Angie Pierce who was the Admiral’s secretary, Chip Morton’s secretary, Dorothy, and Jennifer, who was the secretary to Lee Crane, formed the elite corps of ‘administrative assistants-secretaries’ to the senior staff of the Nelson Institute of Marine Research. She had been assigned to Karen shortly after she had first come to N.I.M.R. several years before. The two women had gotten along well, and Terri had adapted to her boss’s vastly different style of work and habits.

Looking over her glasses, the petite older woman told her, "Will you please get out of here? You’re driving me nuts. Everything will be done before you get back. Oh, and I’ve confirmed the Mission for you on April 19^th at 1400. The director said that you two need to contact Father Bernard’s secretary regarding the scheduling of the counseling session. The manager at the Country Club called back and also confirmed that they’re available as well. They’re going to fax over a set of menus for you to go over and they also want to go over any plans you have for decorations.  Considering that the Admiral's a member, there's no rental fee involved."

"Good," Karen said. "I’ll contact the good Father's office when we get back. However, I really doubt that we’ll have to go though the whole nine yards like Robert and I did. As for the country club, I’ll take the menus over to him as soon as we get them in, then we can make our decisions. I'd kinda like to actually go over there and sample some of the things, just to make sure.  Caitlin and I will handle the arrangements regarding the decorations." She stopped just a moment and chuckled. "You know…planning my wedding the first time around wasn’t this hard. This thing is taking on the look of a military operation."

"Well, I hate to tell you…but in some ways…it is. Considering the amount of brass that’s probably going to be coming…it is a military operation. That's why I told you that you needed a wedding director, remember?  You can't do it all.  Not something this big and complicated.  And I think you’re probably right about the counseling, especially since you’re both older…However, you and I both know it’s a requirement that has to be met. Oh…and I just remembered. The President’s secretary called earlier and informed me that it’s been put on his calendar. The quote was ‘he’s not going to miss this for love nor money’…end quote."

Karen burst out laughing. "Ya know…somehow I really believe most of these people are only coming to make sure he does get married. God!"

"Well, he has been a life long bachelor…and a very eligible one at that. Personally, I think they want to take a peek at the woman who finally netted him. Now…will you please go? If I know him…he’s probably chomping at the bit wanting to get started."

"Ok, Terri…I’ll see you in two weeks. Don’t get too used to being alone here."

"Honey…you just rest up there, okay? You’ve earned it…and so has he.  Besides, you're not going to have time to rest once you all get back.  There'll be too much to do..."

Karen laughed quietly. "Well…we’ll see. I don’t think he knows how to rest sometimes. The man had absolutely no earthly idea of what I meant when I told him he needed to veg out."

An eyebrow shot up and Terri glanced at Karen. With a mischievous lilt to her voice and a faintly detectable sparkle in her green eyes, she responded, "Well…maybe it’s time he found out. I’m sure you can teach him, can’t you?"

Feigning shock, Karen exclaimed, "Why, Ms. Styles…ah’m surprised at you."

"Yeah…I bet you are. Now…get out!"

Karen giggled lightly as she picked up her briefcase and walked out the door.

 

 

Karen’s Jeep pulled into his driveway at about 1755. Parking in front of his house, she got out and raised the rear door, then strolled in to find him. His things were already packed and piled in the hallway next to the door. Surprisingly, there was actually very little more that his rifle, his fishing gear, and a rather large duffel bag. She had expected him to bring a lot more with him. From the look of things, he really was serious about wanting to get away.

"Harry?" she called upstairs, debating with herself about whether to go up after him.

"Down in a moment," was the reply. A few moments later, he came down the stairs with a backpack in his hand and his winter parka. "Well, Captain…are you ready to brave two weeks alone with your future husband?"

Karen looked at him standing before her, dressed in a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. It clearly wasn’t a sight she was used to seeing. Picking up some of his gear, she raised an eyebrow and remarked, "Well, if my future husband can stand two weeks with me, I can certainly stand two weeks with him…considering that I fully intend to be married to him for a very long time!"

Together, they loaded his gear into the trunk of the Jeep. After closing the door, he headed to the driver’s door and started to get in behind the wheel. Suddenly, he realized that this was her car and, so instead, took his place in the passenger’s side. She started to get in behind the wheel and then looked pensively over at him. This was the first time she had driven him anywhere.

"You want to drive?" she asked him, suddenly noticing how awkward and uncomfortable he seemed beside her.

"That’s ok. You drive. It’ll give me a chance to unwind some."

"Well…considering you know where we’re going and I don’t…you’d better drive," she said as she tossed him the keys and walked around to the passenger side.

Harry got out and looked at her as she climbed in, adjusted the seat, and then closed the door on him. With a brief sigh, he walked around and got behind the wheel. The moment they passed through the security gates, she noticed a subtle change in him - he seemed to relax. A couple of hours later, they stopped at a local grocery store and got enough food for 2 weeks, then headed up into the mountains.

Karen always had a stash of CDs on hand in the SUV and once they’d settled on the music, both began to truly relax. "This is going to be fun…don’t you think? Two weeks alone, away from everything and everyone…just the two of us." Almost as an afterthought, she added, "Did you bring your meds? Doc mentioned to me that he had you on some antibiotics for a viral infection."

Nelson suddenly looked slightly annoyed. "A cold, for crying out loud. I have a slight cold. That’s all, and yes, I have my meds. You start down this course and I’m reversing direction and heading back."

Almost apologetically, she said softly, "He just said to make sure you kept warm and dry. He doesn’t want this to develop into something worse… like pneumonia."

A quick glance at her told him she was dead serious. "Warm and dry…I know. He told me…or rather ordered me…with regards to the meds. Now…can we change the subject?" came the testy reply.

Picking up on the tone of his voice, she turned and looked out the window. "I just worry about you, that’s all." It was beginning to flurry outside. Deciding to change the subject, she added, "I thought you said the weather folks said this stuff wasn’t going to hit for another couple of days?"

"That was the report I got from them right before we left. That’s ok," he replied, then looked down at his watch. "We’ll make the cabin within the hour. We have everything we need in case we get stranded there."

As he had said, they reached the cabin within the hour just as the snow was beginning to come down extremely hard. The winds had picked up and it cut visibility down to just a few yards. They were both thankful when they saw the turnoff from the main road. A half mile later, Harry pulled the Jeep into the shed near the cabin and they both quickly transferred things inside. Once indoors, Karen began putting their provisions up while Harry got the fire going, then went out to fire up the generator. Within moments, the lights came on, much to Karen’s relief. Harry tramped in and shook off the snow from his jacket and head, then closed the door and locked it behind him.

"It’s a damn blizzard out there. I’d better check in and let them know we made it in ok. They should be out on that mapping assignment about right now," he said as he went over to the radio he kept there for just these purposes and turned it on. "Nelson to Seaview, Nelson to Seaview, do you read me, Seaview. Over."

There was the sound of static and finally the familiar voice of Sparks, the radio officer. "This is Seaview. We read you loud and clear, Admiral. Standby for the Captain." There was another period of static.

"Admiral, this is Crane. Over."

"Lee, we’ve arrived ok, but we’ve got a blizzard up here. Check with Meteorology and find out what the story is. Over."

"Will do. I’ll contact you as soon as I have something. Over."

"Acknowledged. Everything’s fine here otherwise. We’ve got plenty of food and, as you can see, the generator’s working fine. Over."

"Understood. Have a good time up there. Will be in touch about the weather report. Over."

"Thanks. Nelson, over and out."

"Seaview, out."

Harriman cut the line but left it on, turning the volume down so he could hear the return call when it came in. He went into the kitchen and helped Karen get the remainder of their supplies put away. All of a sudden, something hit the side of the house with a loud thud that startled them both. Harry looked at Karen, then immediately headed for the door, grabbing his hat and coat in the process. "I’ll check it out and while I’m out, I’ll secure the shutters on the windows. That’ll protect them and help keep the heat in more. I’ll be right back." He gave her a quick kiss and headed out.

Karen got the last of their supplies put away as she waited for him to return. She could hear the shutters being closed over the windows and locked in place. A short time later, he came in and stomped off the snow from his boots and clothes.

"A tree limb fell on the side roof. Good thing there’s a good cushion of snow up there or we’d be seeing a fair size hole right about now. It slid off and fell to the ground, so at least it can’t do any other damage."

She had started their dinner and had decided on a beef stew and corn muffins, figuring it’d be a good hearty meal on such a cold, wintry night. Harry went into the living room and added a few more logs to keep the fire going strong. Within the hour, the cabin had warmed considerably. Though he had advised her that the cabin was simple, it was far from ‘uncivilized’. The massive stone fireplace radiated enough heat that it managed to warm the entire main room of the cabin. Specially designed heating ducts carried enough warmth to the two bedrooms so that they too were kept comfortable. While she was getting their dinner, he took their things into the bedroom where he made up the bed and put their things away. He could smell their dinner and came out to find the table set and ready. He sat down and they ate in silence as they listened to the sounds of the storm outside. The wind whistled and howled, causing the wooden cabin to creak just a bit. The blazing fire crackled and popped in the fireplace and the smell of the wood scented the air. Finally, he broke the silence.

"You know, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. We should’ve waited till this storm passed before I brought you up here. I’m afraid there’s not much to do in here. It’s designed to be a hunting cabin. Jiggs and I come up here on the weekends to hunt when our schedules allow it. I’m afraid it’s pretty spartan."

"It’s small, warm, and kind of cozy. I’ve got my needlework and some books. Besides… you’re here with me. That’s all I need," she replied as she leisurely ate her meal.

Hesitating just a moment, Harry looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. "I hope there’s more to our relationship than the physical side, Karen. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and we hardly just talk with each other. Whenever we get together we…ah… well...you know…" he said as he took a bite of the stew.

She was silent as she contemplated his sudden statement. In a way, he was right. They didn’t spend a lot of time just talking. A lot of times, they would end up making love. He’d never complained before; in fact, there were many times where he’d initiated their trysts. The trip to the Prescott Inn, as well as the night on the beach and the morning after when he’d proposed, was most definitely his idea. Not that she hadn’t also instigated a few liaisons of her own, so for him to suddenly come up with this, in the particular tone of voice he used, was somewhat disturbing.

Cautiously, she ventured, "Harriman, that’s true to a certain extent. We just haven’t had the time…"

"There’s a lot to me, Karen…much more than I’ve told you. I’m not an easy person to live with. If you don’t believe me…ask my housekeeper…or even Edith. There’s been times when both of them have been ready to shoot me. Also…I’m not used to having anyone around me. Ever since Kath…" He stared down at his bowl of stew, suddenly at a loss for words.

Karen looked at him suddenly realizing how difficult this whole situation was for him. She had heard some of the details of the incident from others and Jamison had briefly told her he never really had come to grips with what happened. He’d never really let it out, keeping it bottled up inside since her death and either had been unable, or unwilling, to talk about it. She wondered if she should dare to venture into that forbidden area or let it lie and change the subject.

The decision was made for her as the radio crackled with the familiar voice of the Seaview’s radio officer. "Seaview to Admiral Nelson. Seaview calling Admiral Nelson. Do you read us? Please respond. Over."

Harry put his fork on his plate and went over to the radio, picking up the mic. "Nelson here. Go ahead, Seaview. Over."

"Meteorology reports a strong storm is coming in from the west, sir. It’s bringing with it a lot of Pacific moisture and they’re calling for four to six feet in the higher elevations. You should be getting somewhere between three to 5 feet, sir. The Captain said we can send in a chopper when the weather clears to fly you out if you want. Over."

"Acknowledged, Seaview. Thanks…but we’ll ride it out for a few days. I’ll call you if we need a lift. Over."

"Understood, sir. Anything else you need sir? Over."

"Just let us know if they expect it to get worse. Otherwise, we’ll see you in a couple weeks. Over."

"Acknowledged, sir. Seaview over and out."

"Nelson out." He then secured the mic and returned it to its holder. Turning to look at Karen, he decided that their prior conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn. So, he asked, "You ever use snowshoes?"

Karen immediately noticed both the change in subject and tone of voice, but refrained from commenting on it. Instead, she replied, "No, can’t say that I ever have. Why? What do you have planned?"

Crossing over to the fireplace, he grabbed a couple of logs and threw them on the fire. "Well, I thought maybe we’d take a stroll in the next day or so and see the area. It’s really beautiful up here after a good snow." He then sat down on the rug and leaned back against the couch, simply gazing into the building flames.

A few moments later, she sat down beside him near the fire. Within minutes, she stretched out on the bearskin rug that covered the floor and laid her head on his lap. Silence reigned between them as they both stared into the fire, soaking in its’ warm and serenity. As he gazed deeply into the dancing flames, his fingers gently played with her hair as if absentmindedly fingering through some papers. Almost as if his mind was somewhere far away, he drew in a slow deep breath and let it out with a soft sigh.

Karen broke the silence between them as she whispered, "Harry, are you happy with the way things are between us?"

A look of confusion appeared on his face for a moment, and he looked down into her eyes as she gazed up at him. "What brought this up?"

"I just don’t want you to feel trapped into anything," she slowly remarked as her eyes drifted back to the fire.

His arms slowly enveloped her. Bending down a bit, he kissed her softly on her forehead. With a bit of a smile, he told her, "Too late. You’ve netted me, hook, line, and sinker."

"Seriously, Harriman. There are times I feel like I’ve somehow snared you and now you’re caught and can’t get out of it." The tone of her voice was one of seriousness, yet also one of regret.

His face suddenly went straight. His blue eyes hardened as he removed his arms slowly from around her and stood. Without a word to her, he walked into the kitchen.

A horrible thought occurred to her. Had she just ruined the whole trip? She knew he was an old fashioned man with old-fashioned beliefs and, somehow, she felt like she had maybe taken advantage of him without meaning to. She sat there, drawing her knees up to her chest and stared into the fire, hoping she hadn’t blown it. Closing her eyes, she felt a knot in her stomach. Please God…I love him so very much. I hope I didn’t screw this up.

Moments later, he returned carrying a bottle of Champagne and two glasses. He sat down beside her on the rug and handed her a glass. He then sat his glass down and opened the bottle, not once saying anything to her. He poured them both a glass of the bubbling liquid, then sat the bottle on the end table to his right. Turning back to her, he looked her straight in her eyes with a look she’d never seen before. It was serious and yet soft in a way.

He placed his glass to hers and replied in a low and passionate voice, "I’m an adult, Karen Davis...Many years older than twenty-one. I’m in complete and total control of all my faculties and I am going to tell you that when I proposed to you, and you accepted, I knew exactly what I was doing and what I wanted in this life. That was a woman to love and care for. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not marrying your rank, position, or money. I’m marrying a woman who’s shown me that I can still feel love, as well as all the passion and emotions that go with it. Yes, you ‘trapped’ me... but I let you do it."

He took a deep breath and locked his eyes with hers. "I need your love and companionship more than I can ever express in words. I never knew how really alone I was till I met you there at Miramar. I guess, in a way, I’d just existed for my work. Have been, really, for a long time. Now…I have other reasons as well. I have someone I can share my successes and failures with. My hopes…and my fears. I have someone I feel I can trust and talk to when I need to get something off my chest. I don’t have to tip toe or pretend when I’m around you. I don’t have to be on my guard. I can be me. And that’s something I haven’t been able to be for a very long time. I love you, Karen Davis. I know I don’t seem to say those words to you enough. I have to be careful of what I do and say when I’m at work, lest folks get the wrong impressions. You know very well how the ‘grapevine’ is. In some ways...you’re like Katherine was, but it’s not those similarities that caused me to ask you to marry me. I know you’re not her and never will be. I really don’t expect you to be, either. I guess all I expect...is... for you to trust me and keep my confidence. That’s all. I asked you up here so we could get to know each other better."

He fingered his glass for a few moments in contemplation, then continued, "We really haven’t had much time alone without other people around. The last time we truly went away somewhere was when we went up to the Prescott Inn...and even that didn’t turn out very well. We could go to the yacht, but there’s people there, too. Isn’t there an old saying that you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them? So…maybe I’m a bit euphemistic here, but I’m hoping that after these two weeks, we’ll know if we can stand living with each other for the rest of our lives..." His eyes wandered downward and then he hesitated just a bit. "The rest of our lives. That’s a long time, Karen. You’re much younger and I’m…well, I’m no spring chicken. I’ll try and make your time with me a memorable one though...if you’ll let me. So...I propose a toast"  Gazing back into her eyes once again, "...to the future. Whatever it may bring. May our love be as strong then.as it is now."

He then gently touched his glass to hers and took a swallow of the pale golden liquid. Karen was clearly stunned. Gingerly holding her glass, she kept staring at him, unable to speak as tears began to well up in her eyes. She had never known him to be so open with her. He was usually somewhat reserved in verbally expressing how he felt.

Without any further discussion, Harry sat his glass down on the floor, then reached into his shirt pocket, taking out a small black velvet box. He handed it to her as he took the glass from her hand. Looking up at him with moist eyes, she slowly opened the box. Inside she found a beautiful silver broach in the design of a rose, set with diamonds in the center. The rose petals were made of red rubies and the leaves of green jade. Next to it lay a pair of matching earnings.

He watched her expression change from puzzlement to wide-eyed wonder. "I thought you could use something to wear when we go out to those socials I’m expected to attend every now and again. It’s not too gaudy, is it? Caitlin told me not long ago about how much you love roses."

She was at a loss for words. All she could do was put her arms around his neck and kiss him as the tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks. As she broke the embrace, she whispered, "Harriman, they’re beautiful."

He sat her glass on the floor beside his and wrapped his arms around her. They just sat there on the floor in silence, simply holding each other and gazing into the fire. She kept looking at the jewelry, then suddenly said, "I’d love to try these on, although…I don’t know how this broach is going to look on this shirt."

"Well, the broach isn’t just a broach. There’s a silver chain attached to it so that you can wear it as a necklace. Here…allow me." He removed the necklace and broach from the case and unhooked it. She moved in front of him and unbuttoned the top of the jean shirt she wore as the firelight flickered around them, causing the diamonds to shimmer in the light. Gently reaching around her neck, he closed the clasp, allowing it to fall gently downward between the valley of her breasts. As he withdrew, he softly kissed her cheek. Sitting back a bit, he looked at her and the necklace.

"Beautiful…but somehow…I think it can’t be fully appreciated unless…" and he calmly but slowly unbuttoned the rest of her shirt. The stones in the broach sparkled in the glow of the firelight. "Now…let’s see about the earrings."

"Harry…I can put those in…" she giggled a bit, raising her hands to put in the earrings. However, he gently pushed her hands down.

"No…this is something I want to do. Besides…I’ve got to learn to do this if I’m going to be married to you for the rest of my life."

Karen shivered a bit from the coolness of the metal against her bare skin as well as the anticipation of what would be the inevitable. She watched as he removed the back from the earring and placed the diamond and ruby stud in her earlobe. He bent over and kissed her ear, then planted two or three kisses down her neck to her shoulder, his hands slowly sliding her shirt down onto her arms. Sitting back up, he retrieved the other earring from the box and placed it in her other ear. Then he slowly trailed soft kisses along her jaw to her lips, drawing her into a long, enthusiastic kiss.

Moments later, he broke the embrace, pulling slowly away and leaving her breathless. Sitting back, he surveyed the jewels as they blazed in the firelight on her now bare skin. Cocking his head just a bit, he faintly smiled as he searched her eyes.

"Hmmmm, magnificent. And I don’t just mean the jewelry, either. It looks beautiful on you," he whispered.

Soon, the warmth of the fire equaled the warmth they felt for each other as he lifted her mouth to his and searched her out. Very shortly afterward, they were making love on the soft fur rug beside the fire.

As the night wore on, so did the acts of their lovemaking. Then, before they knew it, they both fell asleep, wrapped in the comfort of the fur and each other’s arms.

 

 

The next morning found Harry still sound asleep as Karen carefully slipped out from under his arm. She quietly walked into the bedroom and retrieved an old football jersey she’d brought to sleep in. As she slipped it over her head, she pulled out the necklace and let it fall loosely around her neck. She’d packed the jersey because she somehow knew that a silk nightgown was not needed here. Karen had decided that she wanted something extremely comfortable, and if this was a time for them to really get to know each other...he had to learn about it now. After she got dressed, she put some more logs on the fire to get it up to a good blaze, and then quietly went into the kitchen to start their breakfast.

She looked in on him as he lay sleeping still bundled under the fur. Smiling to herself and absentmindedly fingering the necklace, she sighed in contentment that the knowledge of his love for her was very genuine and deeply real. Inwardly, too, she was also now secure in knowing that she hadn’t trapped him into any commitment. Stopping for a moment and looking out the window of the back door, Karen noticed that the snow had finally stopped. The first rays of a bright morning sun were starting to break out from the clouds and it was beginning to look like it was going to be a beautiful day. Making a mental note to make sure he kept his word about the tour, she then turned her attention back to making breakfast.

Harry began to stir as the smell of fresh bacon and fresh brewed coffee invaded his nostrils. Sleepily, he rolled onto his back and suddenly realized Karen wasn’t there beside him. Stretching his arms about his head, he looked up at her through half opened eyes. Smiling somewhat, he tossed the fur off himself and stood up, naked, before the fire.

Karen walked toward him carrying a plate with his breakfast. Noticing his condition, she smiled and slyly remarked, "Hummmm. Rising a little early, aren’t we, Admiral?"

He raised an eyebrow and then moved closer to her. "Yes…and I have a solution to it, too, Captain. That is...if you’re so inclined," he coyly remarked.

"Oooh, I don’t doubt that for a bit, Admiral, sir. However...if we pursue that solution at this time, your breakfast will get cold. I propose that we eat first and then…resolve the, ah, problem later?" She handed him his plate with a quick but searching kiss.

"You know something? You’re a bit of a tease," was his chuckling response as he accepted the plate, then grabbed for his clothes. After sitting the hot plate down, he started to put his sweat pants on. Looking up at her, he finally noticed what she was wearing. "Now that’s something I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you in. Something new?"

Karen looked down at herself. She was standing, barefoot, clad only in the football jersey that came to mid-thigh. Grinning, she shot up an eyebrow and replied, "This ole thing? Why...no. Actually, I’m rather attached to this. You may just see me in it a lot more in the future."

"Well...it looks rather...intriguing. I hope you're not going to tell me that it holds a special place in your heart because it belonged to an old boyfriend," was the retort.

"No...but one of these days, I'll tell you exactly why it's special. And it has absolutely nothing to do with an old boyfriend."

"Well, I happen to like it...somehow it suits you," he replied in approval. She looked, well, very casual and very comfortable in it.

"I thank you, kind sir. Now...breakfast is going to get cold if it's not eaten soon. And considering there's no microwave here, scrambled eggs would be very hard to reheat."

Nelson grinned. "I told you this place was rustic."

"Yeah, well...I'm going to have to improve on that situation just a bit. When you told me that...and knowing that this was a cabin that had been inhabited by men...I packed a couple of things that I figured would come in handy. Looks like I was right." Karen turned back toward the kitchen and came back with a cup of hot coffee for him. "My mother always told me that there are just certain things in this world that you just don't leave home without. A crockpot’s one of'em. You get the game...I'll fix stew and casseroles in the crock pot."

"Oh, really? I guess we ‘men' never thought about those types of conveniences. And just what else did you bring, if I may ask?" he laughed quietly as he tried to envision Jiggs Starke cooking something in a crockpot.

"Well," she continued, "it's a good thing that I brought a small stash of herbs and spices. I can leave them here, as well as leaving the crockpot. That way...they'll be here when we come back here again."

He cocked his head slightly, an eyebrow slight raised. "Oh? And you want to come back here, do you? We've just spent one night here...we've got the rest of the two weeks to go."

Karen got up to refresh her cup with steaming hot coffee. "Look...I know what you're trying to do...or say, for that matter. And it's not going to work, Harriman Nelson." She sat back down at the table and leaned back in the ladder back chair, sipping the hot beverage. "If you're trying to scare me away, forget it. Ain't going to work." Leaning back into the table, she put the cup down, then folded her hands in front of her face and looked at him dead on. Her tone took on a bit of seriousness. "I know what it takes in a marriage. The give and take...the compromise...the fears, the anxieties. I know, Harriman...I know. I've been there. And I've had it all taken away in a split second."

"Karen, I just meant..."

"I know what you meant. And I also know what you said to me last night. You know..." her voice suddenly caught a bit as she continued, "I've always read that there's supposed to be a ‘soul mate' for everyone in this world. I was very blessed to have had one." Her eyes suddenly glistened with tears. "And for some reason, the good Lord saw fit to give me another." She stopped for a moment and then turned away from him. "I'm sorry if I'm starting to cry here. But..."

Nelson reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm sorry. I guess it's my own insecurities coming into play here. It's just...I'm not used to having someone other than my housekeeper around. I've kept things inside...private...for so long...that it's going to be a real adjustment for me."

Entwining her fingers in his, she gazed at him through tear filled eyes. "I know that...and as I said...I've been there. Do you think it's any easier for me after all these years of being alone? Learning to trust someone implicitly...leaning on someone else. Harry, I've had to be everything...breadwinner, mother, father, counselor, best friend, disciplinarian...I've been on my own for the past twelve years after being part of a ‘team' for eight. But there's not a day...or night...that goes by that I wish to God that I didn't have to do it all."

Harriman became very quiet. Here he’d been thinking about all of his own fears and insecurities and it had never occurred to him that just maybe Karen was feeling somewhat of the same things. She had always appeared as self-confident, self-reliant, and in total control of herself. The only time he had ever known her to lose control was when she instigated his rescue from the First American Militia. They'd only discussed that incident once...when he regained consciousness in SickBay afterwards. However, he’d never really given any thought that Karen could possibly be as insecure as he was in some aspects.

They ate the remainder of their breakfast in silence, each contemplating the others’ remarks. In a little while, he pushed away slightly from the table and slowly asked, "You like venison?"

Karen looked over at the man sitting across the table from her. She knew he was changing the subject because it was making him uncomfortable. Sighing just a bit, she decided not to pursue the previous avenue of discussion any further. "I love it, but you know my position here regarding game."

"I know. You don't ‘do’ game. Not a problem. Like I told you before, I'm used to cleaning it," he said with a somewhat amused grin.

"Were you serious about Starke?" referring to an incident he had related to her.

"Yep. He really lost it. Never saw him so green around the gills," he chuckled as he drank the rest of his coffee and sat back in his chair.

"You’re kidding me? He actually lost it?" she replied with a laugh. The mere thought of the big burly man becoming ill in this situation was amusing to her. He was always so gruff and thunderous.

"All over the back deck. I made him clean it up, which made him even greener," he replied as she broke into a hearty laugh. He pushed away from the table, stood up, and looked at her. "Now that I'm finished here, I'll see what I can scare up for dinner. We'll put that crock pot of yours to good use."

"We’re being just a little optimistic here, aren’t we? You think you’re that good?" she teased, egging him on a little.

Harriman Nelson took note of her teasing and returned fire. "Good? I’m better than good, dear lady. You just have that pot ready. I’ll show you good."

Karen Davis chuckled a bit, then got up and lightly touched his lips with her own. "Fine, fine. Seems to me that you’re good at a few other things as well, dear Admiral. However, this should give me some time to get things cleaned up in here a little. You weren't kidding when you said it needed attention."

"Well, it's been almost two years since we last used it. What do you expect? It's a hunting cabin, for crying out loud," he laughed slightly and headed to the bedroom. Once he’d returned, he started getting his things together.

Karen sat at the table with her cup of coffee and simply smiled as she watched him put on his hat and coat, check his rifle, and head to the door. Hesitating a moment, he turned around and gave her a lingering kiss as he reached for the doorknob.

"See you in a few hours unless I get real lucky," he informed her then left. She watched him from the open doorway as he put on the pair of snowshoes that hung outside on the wall and began walking off into the woods. The sight of him dressed in his winter parka and snowshoes with a rifle slung over his shoulder was a sight she’d never seen. A fleeting thought and feeling washed over her. It was as if they’d been transported back in time a hundred years. Her staying in the cabin and him setting out to forage for their food. Though they both preferred to live in the modern world, she liked seeing this side of him - the ‘slightly old fashioned’ kind of man that she had no intention of changing.

 

 

Karen spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the cabin. There was at least two years of dust that had built up and the cobwebs in places were atrocious. She swept and dusted; straightening up as much as she possibly could. As she placed the very last of the canned provisions up into the cupboard, she placed a kettle of water onto the cook stove to boil. Taking out a tin container, she pulled a tea bag out and placed it in a cup she'd brought along.

The last of the cleaning finished, she settled down before the fire with her tea and curled up with one of the books she'd brought. Gazing into the fire, she found herself drifting back to years gone by. To a time when Robert was still alive…

 

 

They'd been to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts for a children's play. Caitlin had wanted to play outside near the water fountain, so they walked out onto the terrace. While the energetic child played and her mother kept a watchful eye, Robert Davis had strolled into the café and retrieved them all some drinks. As the two parents watched their daughter playing with another child, they discussed an upcoming situation.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Karen? I mean...do you really know what this entails?"

"Yes, I want to do it. Look, I know we've moved from Norfolk to here. But you knew when I went in, that I'd be subject to transfer. Robert, there's been few things I've ever really asked of you...You've been wonderful to put up with all of this. But…I've got to give this a shot."

Robert looked over at Caitlin, happily playing near the fountain's edge. "How are you going to tell her? We'll have to transfer her out of school and find another one. She's not going to take too kindly to change, you know that."

"I know...but she's old enough to know that I'm in the service and that moving is part of it. You can talk to your boss...I'm sure your company can find something for you at the same level."

He sighed. "I know...and I'm sure you're right. I just hate to leave here knowing Mom's...."

Karen touched his arm. His mother had been ill for a couple of years now. In fact, it had been the main reason for her transfer to Richmond - to be near his mother should she need them. There were other siblings, but none in closer proximity, so it was left for Robert and Karen to assume the role of caregivers to his mother.

 

 

Karen Davis' eyes misted as she remembered her late husband's devotion to his ailing mother as well as his willingness to accommodate his wife in her job. Being the spouse of a service person wasn't an easy life. The moves, the changes. Yet Robert had always done what he could for her...because he loved her. Her mind shifted as she glanced over at the coat lying on the chair. Harriman Nelson. The new man in her life. Like Robert in some ways, but so different in others. Older...more worldly...more experienced, yet gentle and loving as Robert had been. He had a temper where Robert had had none. Amazing, since both of them had Irish heritage. However, both men were passionate about the things they loved.

She and Robert had been a team from the day they met at Virginia Tech. In fact, the meeting had been a blind date set up by a mutual friend of theirs. From the moment he had inadvertently put his arm around her to keep her from falling, she fell in love with him. They'd been married the end of their senior year, right before she went into in the Navy. Caitlin had been born a year later. In what would seem the blink of an eye, Robert had been killed in a horrific car accident some years later.

Harriman. Where are you? It's getting late.

Karen looked down at her watch and noted the time. A wave of panic quickly washed over her as she momentarily thought about that last day of Robert's life. Rushing out the door to get to work. Her hurried goodbye to him from the kitchen. She didn't see him leave...only heard his voice.

Tears formed on her cheek as she struggled to remember his voice.

I can't remember. Oh, dear God! I can't remember what he sounded like.

Staring into the fire, her eyes streamed tears as she remembered when she had realized the truth. He was gone forever. He'd never be back. Yet, looking over at the coat lying on the chair, her breathing calmed. Harriman.

The two men in her life. Alike, but very different. And she loved both of them dearly.

 

 

That same morning after he’d left her in the cabin, Harry trotted off towards the snow covered woods ahead of him. He adjusted the rifle on his shoulder as he headed for his favorite hunting spot. As he walked on looking for tracks to indicate his game was near, his thoughts drifted to Karen and then to Katherine. He began to compare the two women with each other.

Katherine Campbell had been much quieter than Karen. A very attractive brunette with twinkling blue-green eyes, she had caught his eye when he was speaking at a seminar in Brussels, Belgium. She’d been one of the attendees and had engaged him in conversation afterwards, questioning him heavily about his work in Marine Biology. A biologist herself, she proved that she could match him theory for theory in the subject matter. Within a short time, he found himself falling in love with the dark haired scientist. She had supported his quest for the Institute and for the building of the Seaview, even to the point of playing the part of hostess at dinners where he lobbied political types for the necessary funding. She was, without doubt, what Jiggs Starke had called Admiral’s wife material. Quiet, unassuming, yet classic and dignified. She had always depended on him to make the major decisions between them. It was, without doubt, the typical relationship of their time.

Stopping momentarily to adjust the rifle on his shoulder, he surveyed the terrain. Snow glistened in the early morning sunlight as he also adjusted the special sunglasses he wore just for this purpose. The bright glare from the sun off the crystals could be blinding if one were not careful. He spotted tracks - deer tracks - and the evidence of a recently foraged meal.

These tracks are fairly recent. Hmmmm. Looks like we might just get lucky soon. Trudging on, his mind wandered a bit more.

His thoughts drifted back to that fateful day when he and Katherine had had their last meal together. He had told her about getting the funding and approval to build the Seaview and she had been so happy for him. Then his thoughts drifted to the horrible moment when he found her dead in his home. He remembered how his whole world had come crashing down around him. How nothing seemed to matter to him. Without her in his life, he had no life. The only thing that kept him going was her words to him to build Seaview - so he did, for her, and to show the bastards who had killed her that they weren’t going to slow him down or stop him.

He had decided to bury himself in his work and as the years passed, his fame and recognition was unparalleled in his field. He won a Nobel Prize as well as many other awards for his work; yet none of it really seemed to matter to him. He existed only for the work, or so people thought.

There were long nights when he’d find himself hugging his pillow wishing he had someone with him but knowing he never would again.

Katherine…oh, God, Katherine…I wish you could see what it’s all become. He hadn’t been able to bear to think of going through it again. An innocent life had been lost because of him. I’m so sorry, Katherine…Lord, I hope you know I’m so sorry… So what few liaisons he’d had since then had all been at arm’s length. That is, until Captain Karen Davis and that fateful meeting at the airfield.

Stopping again, he leaned up against a tree trunk to rest just a bit.

Damn…I think I’m getting too old for this shit!

As his rapid breathing slowed, his thoughts turned to Karen. As truly different from Katherine Campbell as night was to day. Unlike Katherine, who deferred most times to his decisions, Karen had shown him she was more than capable of taking care of herself and making her own decisions. As she had pointed out to him earlier, she’d had to. She’d had no choice but to be self-sufficient after her husband’s death. Yet, on the other hand, there were times when he often wondered just how much of this was actually done for his benefit and how much was really her. She had no qualms in standing up to him, doing so on numerous occasions. No…Karen was definitely a product of her times.

Harry continued walking, his snowshoes leaving a trail behind him. He paused and looked back at the faint outline of the cabin in the distance. A small flume of smoke rising from the chimney and a woman waiting there for his return. A woman who was soon to be his wife. A shiver ran down his spine as he realized he’d opened himself up again. He’d let himself slip and now…he was caught once again in the grips of love. Smiling just a bit, the thought of last night crossed his memory.

Got to say one thing. Katherine would have never been that forward. To tell the truth…I don’t think I could have been with her like I am with Karen. Don’t know why. Maybe it’s just that Katherine was more…formal…about certain things. Damn! You know…I can’t even remember if we’d made love before we were to get married. It just wasn’t done then…But Karen…my God! Maybe it’s the fact that she has been married before…I don’t know…I just don’t know. Why does she affect me this way? I feel like a damn schoolboy around her at times.

He loved Karen Davis like none other, and he wasn’t sure why. She was so different from Katherine and yet, in some ways, so similar. She was confident, determined, quick on her feet, and had a mind sharp as a razor. Her wit and humor always seemed to amaze him. She’d always seem to catch him off guard on things. Then again… there was that understanding side of her that seemed to truly comprehend where he was coming from and what he was all about. She accepted his faults right along with his strengths.

Just like Katherine did…yet she questioned…oh God! does she question! She was a challenge to him…and in spite of that…there were times when she’d make him feel like he was the most important person in her life. She was always there to help boost his spirits and ignite his passion and fire in a way that he’d forgotten about. Suddenly, he chuckled… there were also times when he could just strangle her, too.

Yeah, like that time in her lab a couple of years ago. God…I wanted to fire her ass for that! I could’ve fired her for insubordination and she knew it. Even threatened me with her resignation…But she was right. That was the weird thing. And I knew it, too.

Sometimes he felt she was just a little too independent and often wished she was just a little more dependant on him for things…like Katherine had been. That’s the way he was raised…however, he also knew times were a lot different now. There were times when he felt so inadequate around her…almost like he was in the way or not really needed. But there were those times, and he had to admit it was more often than not, when she really did need him and she wasn’t afraid to admit it.

I guess I’ve just got to come to grips with the fact that Karen’s her own person. Times…women…are different now. I’ve got to deal with this if we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. Well, Karen…looks like it’s going to be an interesting life. A very interesting life…together.

Now, here he was, going to be married to her in a few short months and a feeling of hesitancy, and doubt suddenly flooded him.

Am I doing the right thing here? What the hell does this wonderful woman want with an old man like me anyway? His eyes suddenly started to mist over as he left tracks in the snow. Why? Am I doing this ‘cause I love her or ‘cause I just don’t want to go on being alone?

Was it all just some desperate attempt to have something solid in his life to anchor his sanity to? He knew he was opening himself up again; but then as he stood in the snow, looking up at the azure blue sky, he suddenly realized it didn’t matter. He loved her and somehow, things would work out. They’d be different this time. He’d make damn sure of it.

Suddenly, something moved to his left and he turned to see an eight point buck standing not but a few yards from him. Slowly he raised his rifle and took aim, centering his sights. Taking a deep breath, he slowly exhaled and pulled the trigger. A shot rang out and the deer fell dead on the spot. Lowering the rifle, he then walked over and looked down at it, making sure it was a clean kill. Satisfied, he then sat his rifle and gear down and stood before the downed quarry.

"Well, looks like we’ll have fresh meat for a few days," he said out loud to himself. "Old boy…you’re going to provide a very sexy lady with some good eats."

Taking out his hunting knife, he proceeded to gut, clean, and field dress his prize there on the spot. As he started back to the cabin with his kill, he came across a couple rabbits that he added to his bounty. He gathered up his stash and began the trek back to the cabin, comfortable in the thought that he had managed to provide them with food.

 

 

He returned to the cabin just as the sun was beginning to set. Karen met him at the door and took the rabbits from him while he hung the deer outside on the porch. He’d skin it in the morning. He came in and sat his gun in a corner near the door, then removed his hat and gloves, setting them on a small table to the side of the door. He coughed a few times and snuffed as he took off his boots.

Karen looked over at him with a slightly worried expression. He left his boots near the door and went into the kitchen area and poured himself a cup of hot coffee. Sitting down at the table, he took a few sips of the steaming liquid as he tried to warm up. He sneezed a few times and finally removed his coat, letting it fall heavily over the back of his chair.

Karen went up to him and put a hand to his forehead. He backed up slightly and took her hand in his. "I’m fine, just a little cold is all. I’ll be fine as soon as I warm up."

"Jamie said to stay warm and dry. Harry… " she gently started to say but was abruptly cut off by a raised hand.

"Don’t…please," he testily remarked as he took his cup of coffee, stood and refilled it. "I’m not a child, Karen. I can certainly take care of myself." He then walked into the living room where he sat by the fire for warmth.

Momentarily stunned, she then followed him in and sat down beside him.  "Harriman, I know you’re not a child. Excuse me for giving a flying rat’s ass about you. Jeez! You can be so damn stubborn and pigheaded sometimes. Ok…go ahead and come down with pneumonia. Then, my dear sir, you’ll be at Jamie’s mercy…and mine. Me, you can deal with…him you can’t," she remarked flatly, then headed back into the bedroom, leaving him to his thoughts. "What is it with you men when it comes to admitting…? Jeez Almighty!"

He sat and stared into the fire as he pondered over her words. She had a point. If he got sick, he’d never hear the end of it from either of them. A thought he didn’t exactly relish. He finally stood and sat his coffee cup down, then went into the bedroom. He found her sitting on the bed, sorting through some colored thread for her needlework.

"Karen…I’m sorry. I guess I just wanted to show you that I could provide for you, However, I guess you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself if needed. Let me know if and when you need my help, ok? Meanwhile, I’ll go skin those rabbits for you," he replied, a hint of sarcasm evident in his tone. He turned and left her sitting on the bed.

Realizing the stinging insinuations of his remarks, she stood and went into the kitchen to find the rabbits gone and he was nowhere in sight. Hearing a noise on the back porch, she looked out the door to see him skinning the rabbits. Turning away, she returned to the kitchen to wait. When he finished, he brought them in and put them in a pot in some water. He then went back out and brought in some more wood for the fire, making sure that it was strong and blazing before heading to the bathroom to get cleaned up. When he came out, Karen met him with a glass of Scotch.

"I guess I can be just as stubborn and pigheaded myself, can’t I? I’m sorry. Look, you just have to understand that part of it is my being a mother. I know you’re not a child and you’ve most definitely looked after yourself for all these years. Things like this…like worrying about if you’re ok or not…I guess you could lay it to maternal instinct and to the fact that I care, ok? Truce?" she remarked softly as she offered him the drink. "Please?"

He absentmindedly shoved his hands in his pockets and narrowed his eyes just a bit. "I can’t figure you sometimes. I start to think I have you figured out and then you throw me for a loop. I don’t know what to do or say around you." Then looking her straight in the eye, he pointedly remarked, "At least with Katherine, I knew where I stood…and she knew where I was coming from, too." He then brushed past her and walked on into the living room. Retrieving one of his books, he sat down heavily and opened it.

Karen was flabbergasted at his attitude. She stood there holding his glass and simply glared at him.

What the hell?! That damned male ego. Oh, give me a friggin’ break, Harry. I thought you were better than this.

Suddenly, she simply threw the glass and its’ contents into the fire, then turned and disappeared into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Karen slowly sat down on the bed and gazed out the window. Silently, first one tear…then another fell from her eyes.

Of all the pigheaded, stubborn, idiotic… What the hell is wrong with him? Doesn’t he understand? Didn’t he listen to a word I said yesterday or this morning? Why is he so damned chauvinistic all of a sudden?

Finally, after almost twenty minutes, Harry closed his book. He’d been reading but not really digesting anything he’d read. Looking toward the closed bedroom door, he shook his head in wonder. What was it with her? Why couldn’t she just understand that all he want to do was show her... Standing, he strolled into the hallway and stood in the open doorway to the bedroom, gazing over at her in the dim light.

"You okay?" he inquired quietly, his voice laced with concern.

She sat with her back to him, the tears and anger evident in her voice. "Just leave me the hell alone!"

 

 

Harry stood in the door in silence for a few moments, then finally turned and left, leaving her to her thoughts and feelings. Taking his coat off the rack, he walked out onto the porch and sat down, staring at the open expanse of the scenery. Her words had cut through him like a laser and he suddenly felt a deep ache in the pit of his stomach. Why, he wasn’t exactly sure, until he finally realized that this was the first real ‘fight’ they’d truly had. He huddled in his coat staring up at a full moon. The stars were out and the moon’s glow cast a soft silver light over the area. The air was cool and crisp; expect for an occasional howling of the wind, it was almost frighteningly silent. His head fell slightly, his eyes simply glared at some unseen object. Fighting back the churning feelings inside, he made up his mind.

This whole damn thing was a mistake. We’re going home. Everything has to be her way. Why won’t she let me…? This isn’t the same as when we went up to the Inn. Then…she had to confront her fears. She had to get over them. But this… This is different. This is us! What’s between us.  Dammit, Karen, why won’t you see that?

 

 

Time passed slowly, and between the quietness and his exhaustion over the whole situation, he dozed off on the porch as he sat against one of the support beams. Inside, Karen finally emerged from the bedroom after she’d calmed down and realized how silent the cabin was, save for the crackling of the fire. Drying her eyes, she slowly walked into the living room expecting to find him reading in the chair. He wasn’t there and he wasn’t anywhere inside to be found. She walked into the kitchen to find his boots, hat, gloves and coat were gone.

Panic ran through her.

Oh God, surely he hasn’t gone out in this cold.

Heading to the door, she opened it and walked out on the porch. Looking over to the side, she spied him huddled in a corner of the porch, leaning against the cabin. Walking softly in the cold night air, she knelt beside him and cradled him in her arms. Slowly he opened his eyes to see her. It was then she noticed the pain and sadness in his eyes that mirrored her own. Remembering her words to him, she softly said, "I’m so sorry. Please…forgive me. It’s just…" A tear began to slowly roll down her face.

He put an arm around her and pulled her close to him and held her tight to himself. "You shouldn’t be out here without a coat on. You’ll be the one to catch pneumonia. No, Karen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did," he whispered through a slight wheeze. "You were simply being concerned. I had no right…"

"Let’s get you inside. God, where’s your head? You’re freezing," she gently admonished him.

Smiling just a bit, he replied, "Well, at least I’ve got a coat on. Come on, you’re going to be the one freezing. You know better than to come out in this kind of temperature without something on." He stood and put his arm around her, in an effort to warm her as they walked back inside the cabin.

While he undressed, she poured them both some coffee and they sat down at the table. She could tell her words had hurt him deeply but she didn’t understand why. All she wanted to do was help. Maybe they were too much alike, she reasoned. Unyielding, unbending; unable to let the other help.

As Nelson sipped his coffee, he replied in a low voice, "I’m going to call the Institute in the morning and have them fly in and take you home. I’ll close up the place and drive back with your Jeep. This was a bad idea from the start. I’m sorry I put you through all this."

She just looked at him, not believing what she’d heard. She’d never known him to ever throw in the towel this quick over anything. Remembering how he’d kept after her at the Inn, she immediately knew something was wrong. Straightening up, she drew in a deep breath and shook her head. "No."

He looked up at her, not believing what he’d heard. Was it possible? "What?"

"I said…no. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. We’re going to make this work, Harriman. We have to make this work. We’ve gone too far in this relationship to chuck it all over something like this. We’re both two very stubborn and committed people…but I need you, Harriman. Maybe it isn’t exactly evident to you…but I do. Maybe I am independent…so what? I can’t be any other way. When I couldn’t find you a little while ago, I thought…you’d left…that I’d lost you. That’s something I couldn’t bear. Not now…not this way. I love you too much." Tears filled her eyes as she struggled for the words.

"Karen, you’re a strong, independent woman. I guess I’m from a time when a woman relied on the man for guidance and support. You don’t seem to need either one from me. You keep reminding me over and over how ‘you’ve been there’ and ‘done that’. How you’ve had to do it all. Well, I can’t seem to make you understand that you don’t have to do it all by yourself anymore, but you don’t seem to want to let go of that independence. You told me yourself that you wished you hadn’t had to do it all. Well…you don’t anymore. I just wish I could make you see that."

Harriman hesitated a bit, then continued, "I don’t know where I fit in ‘your’ world, Karen. We’re from two different times. Katherine was a strong, opinionated woman, too, but she knew when and where to be it. I felt useful and needed with her. I just don’t know where I stand with you, and before you say it…I know you’re not Katherine and never will be. Furthermore, I don’t expect you to be. You’re from a different time. Funny thing is…I have no problem with this on a professional basis. But this isn’t the same. I just don’t know what to do or say anymore. All I know is…I love you so much and want you in my life…but there’s a barrier between us. A barrier I can’t seem to breech. Tonight just re-enforced it. I figured that you don’t really need me. I’ve tried, but somehow…I just can’t get used to the modern relationship. I’ll see that you get home and then…well, we’ll see."

He stood and headed toward the living room but Karen took hold of his arm and stopped him. In a voice that he’d never heard before, she spoke with undeniable pain. "Then help me adjust. I don’t want to lose you. God, I don’t want to lose you. You’ve made me feel love again, Harry. You’ve opened up my heart and tore down the barrier I had up around me. When Robert was killed, I threw up a wall around myself and wouldn’t let anyone really in for fear of going through that pain all over again. Then you came along and shattered that barrier and made me love you. I told you this morning that I’ve had to do and be it all because there simply was no other way. If I was going to work and provide for myself and Caitlin, I had to learn to make the major decisions and do everything." She gazed into his blue eyes, searching for some sign of his understanding. "Robert and I were always a team, Harriman…we depended on each other. For guidance…for support…for most everything between us. I leaned on him a lot, just as he leaned on me…but at the same time, I didn’t run to him for every decision. There were a lot of times when he couldn’t or didn’t have the right to make decisions for me nor I for him. But when something concerned us, or the family as a whole…then it was a mutual decision. That’s what I expect with you. Don’t you understand?"

She took him in her arms and held onto him for dear life. Suddenly, it started to become clearer to him; he realized he felt the same way about her. His arms encircled her and held her very close, burying his face in her hair. He whispered into her ear, "I feel the same way. After I lost Katherine, I threw up a wall around me and I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me. Then I met you and I let my defenses drop and let you into my heart. I don’t want to lose you, either."

For what seemed an eternity, they simply stood there, in the middle of the floor, holding one another in silence. As the embrace was broken, he lightly kissed her. Smiling slightly, he quietly said, "I’m tired."

"So am I. Arguments tend to do that, you know." She took hold of his hand and entwined her fingers in his. "Make me a promise. Please?"

"What?"

"That no matter what…we’ll never go to bed angry," Karen chuckled just a bit as a weak smile formed. "It takes too much energy out of you…and you don’t sleep worth crap that night either."

Harry slightly cocked this head and raised an eyebrow. "Hmmmm, I’ll have to remember that…particularly if you continue the practice of hogging the bed."

This time it was she who raised an eyebrow as she returned fire. "Excuse me….me hog the bed? I don’t think so."

He put his arm around her shoulder and led her toward the bedroom doorway. Stopping briefly, he tilted her face upward and barely kissed her. "Oh, but you do. I do believe I came up to bed one evening and found you lying diagonally across it. If I hadn’t moved you over, I’d have never been able to have gotten in."

Suddenly Karen broke into a loud laughter as her arms went around his neck, her body molding itself to his. "Hate to tell you this, Harry…but that seems to be a common complaint where I’m concerned. Robert used to say the same exact thing. He’d finally give up and sleep on the couch or in the extra bedroom."

"Well, that’s one definite difference between us. I have no qualms about waking you up to get you to move over."

"Hmmm, I’ll have to remember that, Admiral. Now…" she remarked as she pulled him tighter to her. "Right now all I want to do is go to sleep. In your arms."

"Consider it done."

 

 

He awoke the next morning to the sun shining brightly into the bedroom. Karen’s arm was draped across his chest and she was snuggled tightly against his bare back. He could hardly hear her slow, even breathing, evidence of her deep, peaceful sleep. As he had promised her, she had gone to sleep in his arms. Amazingly enough, they had simply gone to bed and talked…about work, about family…and about needing each other. At some point during the night, he had awakened, his arms still surrounding her as she slept. Watching her - listening to her quiet breathing - he remembered the night he’d held her after her nightmares. She was no longer haunted by them, of that he was certain; and seeing her now, so tranquil and so still -so secure that she felt comfortable enough to sleep blissfully next to him.

Careful not to disturb her, he quietly got up, pulled on a pair of sweat pants, then headed out into the living room to stir up the fire and get it going again. Looking around the great room of the cabin, his eyes fell upon her needlework lying on the sofa and a book that she’d obviously been reading. Out of curiosity, he picked it up and started to glance through it. He was astounded to find that it was poetry. Not the classical kind - but more on the contemporary. Leafing through the many passages, he came upon one that she’d book marked. It was the title that immediately grabbed his attention. Sitting down in the chair next to the fire, he started to read…

How Much You Mean to Me?

Sometimes I wake up
in the middle of the night
shivering from fright
feeling empty
feeling nothing
because I think about
how it would be
if you weren't here
And then I wonder
if you really know
how very much
you mean to me
how incredible
I think you are
how you are
a part of all my emotions
how you are
the deepest meaning in my life
Please always know
that I love you
more than anything else
in the world

-Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

 

He put the book down on his lap and stared directly into the fire. He’d told her last night that he felt she didn’t need him, that she could do it all. Then they talked; and she told him that she didn’t want to have to do it all, but that he couldn’t make decisions for her, either. There were just some things he was going to have to accept about her. And the fact that she was undoubtedly her own person was the primary one. Secretly, he’d always known this. It was just that sometimes they clashed when he tried to invade that area of her ‘person’. He’d told Jiggs Starke that her independence was one of the things that had attracted him to her. Looking back down at the poem he’d just read, things she’d said to him started to take shape in his mind and finally make some sense.  Just maybe the need she felt was more within her heart than her mind. She’d tried to tell him that their relationship had to be equal consideration and trust. Consideration to let each other be the type of person they were and trust in each other to be there no matter what happened.

He got up from the chair and walked to the doorway of the bedroom, looking in at her as she still slept. The words of the poem echoed deeply within his thoughts. It was applicable to her as much as it was to him. Clutching the book, he returned to the fireplace and, after placing another couple of logs on the flames, he sat back down to read. As he neared the end of the slender book, the next to the last one caught his eye. Slowly reading through it, it dawned on him that it summed up everything that the both of them had been trying to say to each other in a way that perhaps neither of them could ever express so elegantly.

You know…maybe an old dog can be taught new tricks. I guess I half expected her to be like Katherine. But she can’t be…not ever. Katherine’s gone and Karen’s… here. Slowly shaking his head, he now realized deep in his heart the course his life would take.

 

 

He decided to let her sleep, so he headed into the kitchen to fix breakfast for the two of them. It wasn’t the wonderful aroma of the sausage that woke her, but rather it was the clanging of the pots and pans that brought her into consciousness. As she sleepily propelled herself from under the thick covers, her senses immediately sprung awake when her bare feet hit the cold wooden floor. Heading into the bathroom, she turned on the water faucet and threw some cold water on her face. A few moments later, she emerged, grabbed on a pair of thick socks, and headed into the living room.

"What smells so good?" she asked through a stifled yawn.

"Breakfast. Glad you finally decided to join me. How do you want your eggs?"

"Scrambled, please," she said and accepted the cup of coffee that he handed her. "How long have you been up?"

"A little while…I had to throw some more logs on the fire to get the place warmed up. I’m going to go do some fishing this morning…so be prepared to have fish for dinner tonight."

"A bit optimistic, eh?"

"I haven’t failed us yet, now have I?" was the remark as he poured the egg mixture into the frying pan.

"No, I have to say…" she kissed him on the cheek and poured a little more coffee into her cup. "…that you haven’t. You do this ‘hunting and foraging’ bit really well, you know that? Remind me to place my order for a venison roast for our Christmas Eve dinner this year."

He grinned and replied, "The request is duly noted, m’lady."

Karen kept watching him as he fixed both of them breakfast. There was something decidedly different in his attitude this morning, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. It was almost as if the tension between them had totally disappeared into thin air. His movements, his body language…and he was even humming to himself as he worked.

Their meal went smoothly and she cleaned up as he unpacked his fishing gear. Then, after kissing her goodbye, he set out for the nearby lake. As the time drew on towards afternoon, she felt the cabin getting a little cool. She looked into the living area and noticed the fire was getting low and they were almost out of wood. Figuring it wasn’t far to the woodpile, she donned her coat and boots and headed out to gather up some more wood. She began removing the logs from the top when the pile shifted and they came rolling down on her.

Harry was in sight of the cabin and was packing a pretty good stringer of trout and bass in tow when he saw the scene unfold, almost as if in slow motion. He stopped cold when he heard her cry out, dropped his gear and catch on the spot, and ran as fast as he could to her.

Arriving on the scene, he found her half buried under the logs and cussing up a storm. Quickly he removed his snowshoes and was at her side in seconds. "All right, calm down. Take it easy. I’m right here. Don’t move. Let me get these logs off you. Don’t move. Just lay still. It’s going to be okay." He was trying to calm her down as he started removing the logs from off her. As he got down to the last few, he could tell she was in a lot of pain from the look on her face. He grabbed the last logs that lay on her left foot and ankle and lifted it. She sharply gasped in air as she tried to muffle the cry. Within moments, he had her out and then knelt down to look at her leg. From her reactions, he knew it was hurt very bad. Carefully, he managed to get her to stand up and then picked her up in his arms and carried her inside. Once there, he sat her down into the chair by the fire. Quickly, he turned around and closed the door, then returned to her side. Throwing off his hat and gloves, he knelt down and gently started to remove her boot.

"Ouch!" she yelled, her face contorted in a mask of agony. "Oh, God! What the hell did I do?"

"Looks like you broke either your ankle or your foot. Karen...I've got to get your boot off so I can see which one and how bad it is. Hang on while I ease it off," he told her as he helped her off with her coat and tried to get her a bit more comfortable. Knowing that what he had to do next would not be easy, he tried to make it as painless as possible for her. "I'm going to slowly ease your boot off. You’ve got to help me…can you bend your foot just a bit? It’s going to hurt but there’s no other way."

Karen nodded a little and then drew in a sharp breath as she slowly moved her foot down so he could get the boot off. Excruciating pain shot through her leg as he gently pulled the boot off. Her foot and ankle had started to swell, making it even harder. By the time he finally got it off, he looked up and saw she was in tears, yet she had never cried out. Reaching up, he put his hand to her cheek and tenderly said, "I'm sorry...but it had to come off."

"I know...it just...hurts like hell. DAMN! I can't believe I did this. God! I feel like such a klutz at times," she softly replied, the tears slowly flowing down her cheek.

"Shhhh, we'll see how bad it is," he tried to reassure her, yet fearing the worse.

He removed her sock and rolled her pants leg up. One look and he knew. Damn! Broken!

Looking up at her, he grimly delivered the news, "Your ankle’s definitely broken. I'm going to have to splint it someway and then you're going to have to stay off of it as much as possible. What in the hell were you trying to do anyway?" His tone was as much annoyance as it was worry.

She shifted her weight in the chair uneasily, trying to keep her leg immobile to ease the pain. Looking into his eyes, she saw the obvious