(Author’s note: Dear readers, after I finished ‘Tests’, a number of you wanted to know what happened to Lee and how did he deal with what had happened to him. Here is my answer…)

A Time to Heal

By

Linda Delaney

 

 

Lee Crane shifted uncomfortably in the bed. Almost a month after he'd been shot on the Seaview, and he still couldn't get Will Jamison to disconnect all the tubes and wires that he was attached to! Not only were some of them plain uncomfortable, but a few were just down right embarrassing! He'd learned long ago the indignity of hospitalization, but right now, enough was enough! Added to the affronts to his personal dignity, and the constant, still almost chronic pain that he felt, was the inability to do for himself. His hands were covered in bandages, wires, and metal rods and assorted other 'alien' objects holding them rigid and making any hope of movement impossible. His hips were another story altogether. Will told him that it could be up to six months before he was free of any pain from his hips, and that was if he healed well! That didn't take any future complications into consideration!

To make matters even worse, during a storm the last week, the roof on his house had been damaged, and his mother and son had had to move into the Institute’s apartment building for an indefinite period of time. The roofers had found that the house needed a new roof, and he couldn't even be there to see what was going on!!

The Seaview was having a refit of her reactors with a new system that Admiral Nelson had designed, and he couldn't oversee that either! Nelson was on the boat, and Chip Morton had offered to oversee the roof project, but it still wasn't the same! They were his jobs to see to, no one else’s!

He tried to move around the bed again and was stopped by the pain in his hands and hips, (and shoulders and side... it just went on and on!)

A very tiny and pretty nurse happened to walk into his room at that moment and he scowled blackly at her.

She hesitated a moment and then said to him, in a very bright and perky voice.

"And how are we today?"

He glowered at her, "And how are we supposed to be?!!!"

'Oh, my...I..I...I'm sorry, Captain!" and she turned and fled from the room.

Chip Morton poked his head through the doorway, "That's not the way to win friends and influence people, Lee! Jamie’s never let you out of here if you keep scaring the nurses away!"

Some of Crane's moroseness left him at the sight of his friend.

"Frankly, Chip...I don't care right now. This is damned uncomfortable! And downright embarrassing at times!"

Morton chuckled, "Don't you think I know it, Lee? Hate to say it, but 'been there, done that, hated it!'..."He grinned at Crane, "but I did survive!"

Crane managed to smile back, "Yes! As I recall with the help of a very special lady!"

"Who is, as we speak, out with your mother and Robert, getting some things for the apartment. Helen wanted you to know that she and Robert would be coming by later."

Lee smiled at the mention of his son...He had, at least seen more of Robert since he'd been here at the Institute's Med facility.

Chip sat in a chair next to the bed, "Lee, there's a problem at the house."

Crane rolled his eyes upward, and groaned. "What now? Isn't the roof enough of a problem?"

Chip shrugged, "Well, when the roofers started the work, they found dry rot in the beams of the roof as well as in the boards. It all needs to be replaced. Makes the job a longer one...three to four months, weather permitting. Looks like you'll be in the apartment for at least that long!"

"Great! Robert is going to love being cooped up in an apartment!"

"Oh, I don't know...there are a lot of kids in the complex, I think that he'll do fine! And your mother seems to be enjoying herself already! She's making a lot of new friends..."

"What floor?"

"Huh? ... Oh! Fifth floor, four bedrooms.... Furnished.... Tastefully according to Helen...Beautiful view of the ocean... Right next to Caitlin Davis' place."

Chip noticed how Crane's attention seemed to rise at the mention of the Karen's daughter, but he shrugged it off... After all, Caitlin was what, 15 years younger than Lee or him, and she wasn't impressed by uniforms... "Or older men!!" Chip thought.

"Oh. And mom seems happy enough there? She knows we may be there for a while?"

" Yep. She's even making some noises to Matty about staying there after the roof is finished. Something about you and Robert needing your own space when we're in port. "

"That doesn't surprise me. The last time we were home she mentioned it to me, about getting her own place, but then she let it drop. Said that it wasn't important. " He thought for a moment, and then said "You know, Chip, mom does need some space of her own. With Robert getting older and needing her less, she's entitled to a life of her own.... That's if her son can stop depending on her in a pinch! "

"Low blow there, Skipper! You and I both know that if Helen didn’t want to help you out she wouldn't!"

He sighed. "I guess that you're right, Chip, but..."

"Don't worry about it now, Lee. There are a few more important details to take care of, regarding the house... and some news about the boat!" His interest level increased at the mention of the Seaview.

"What about the boat?"

"Well, with the O.O.M. pushing like he is, the refit is going faster than he thought it would. We may be finished by the end of the month."

'How is she taking to the changes?"

"Pretty well, I think. If she wasn't happy, I don't think things would be going as well as they are. "

"You know, Chip, I think I owe the old girl a great deal...maybe even my life!"

Chip nodded solemnly, "I don't question, I’m just along for the ride!"

Lee laughed, and laughed hard, for the first time in a long time..."Don't tell her that! Do me a favor, will you? Every once and a while let her know that I haven’t deserted her, will you? She’s a sensitive lady!"

Morton looked at him; "Don’t you think I’m doing that already, Skipper? I also know how to treat ‘the lady’. "

Just then, an angry Will Jamison charged into the room. "Lee Crane, just what did you say to that Nurse?!!! You sent the girl crying not just from the room, but from the hospital! You know, they've just about had enough of you're bullying of the staff here! They want to throw you out, catheters, monitors and all!! The famous Captain Crane has become nothing but a stubborn, willful, pig-headed bully to the nursing staff!"

Lee was trying to look chastened, but Chip Morton was sitting there with an ever-widening grin on his face.

"I'm inclined to send you home, Lee, but I'm afraid that if you bully the nurses here, I won't be able to get anyone to help you once you are home...and you will need help! The Foley stays until you can use your hands, and that's a good month away! The drain in the side also stays until the infection clears. The other wounds are healing, and as soon as the hands can be used, you can get out of bed. Until then, the only getting about will be getting you from here to the apartment! I know that the therapy department was in today to start working with the hips, and I know that they hurt. Get used to it... Any sympathy I may have had for you just went out the door with that poor nurse! Now if I can make the arrangements, I'll be sending you home, tubes and all day after tomorrow. Providing I can get some nursing staff to take you on as a patient!" Jamie turned and left the room muttering about Crane's bull headedness, and Chip exploded laughing.

"You know, Lee, this is about the angriest, I've ever seen Will!"

Crane lifted his arms, slightly, in despair.

"Look at this, Chip!" Morton immediately sobered. "All of these contraptions, and they still don't know if they’ll work again" There was no missing the absolute fear and hopelessness in Crane's voice. " I can't get out of this damned bed! Because of the hands and the side wound and the hips - I can't even lift my arms higher than the bed rails because of the shoulder wounds - did Will tell you that I tore one of the shoulder wounds open yesterday? --- Boy, did he yell about that! You want to know how I did it? I sneezed! I moved the wrong way, and I sneezed!! I can't hold my son or put my arms around him because I might break something!" He turned his head and body away from his friend in an act of complete defeat.

"Go away, Chip! Just go away and leave me alone, will you?...Do whatever needs to be done with the house, and the boat - Just leave me alone!"

Chip rose from the chair, and reached to pat Crane on the shoulder. Crane pulled away from the touch, and Morton dropped his hand.

"Sure, Lee," he said quietly. "I'll let you know later how things work out." He left the room and met up with Jamison in the hall. Chip shrugged his shoulders. "I tried Will! I really thought that talking about the house and the boat would help him - I guess it backfired!"

"Maybe I came on a little strong as well - - But he really did terrify the poor nurse!… Well, I have to get him out of here, I'm sure of that, now. Helen has had a hospital bed and the other equipment delivered to the apartment, and she's setting them up in the living room. She says it has the best view of the ocean! My corpsmen, Frank Lerner and John Warner have volunteered to help out with his care at the apartment, since we're going to be land bound for a while with the refit! Lee should be comfortable with them around."

Chip smiled at the memory of his care under the two corpsmen. "And he won't be able to bully them around! I know from personal experience that it doesn't work!" He looked down the hall, and said under his breath to Jamison "Storm brewing at 0900, Doc!" Harriman Nelson was storming down the corridor. Loud enough for Nelson to hear him, Jamison said...

"Right, Chip - I'll tell Lee when he wakes up... Have a good day," as Morton left, he turned and said, smoothly, "Oh, hello, Admiral."

 

 

Once Crane heard Chip leave, he allowed all the pent up emotions to come to the fore. Jamison was right, of course. He had been unreasonably cruel to that poor nurse, to all of the nurses in fact! He was taking out his frustrations on everyone around him! Yesterday had been frightening enough! He really only did sneeze and move at the same time when some of the tissue in the right shoulder had given way. It had bled badly, for a tear, and after what he'd been thru with blood loss, Jamison had been rightfully upset...and so was he!! And then the discussion with the Orthopedist, Dr. Mullholland, about his hands and his hips had been brutally frank!

The doctor was young, and on the cutting edge of all the new technologies regarding orthopedic repairs. The fixators on his hands were a good example of that technology. The doctor had also told Lee that if the fixators and the surgery didn't work, well then he would lose the use of his hands for good! End of Career! End of Seaview! End of his life! He wouldn't be able to hold Robert's hands again, to teach him to throw a ball, to play catch! He let the tears of rage and frustration flow, punctuated with deep heaving sobs. He really didn't feel as if he could manage one more thing!

Harriman Nelson stood in the doorway and waited. He didn't want to cause Lee any more anguish and pain. Their long years together had taught each man to respect the others boundaries, emotional as well as physical ones. He was probably closer to Lee than any other person. Their relationship had evolved to one of a father and son, and in that context, he wanted to reach out to the younger man and hold him.

He could well imagine the distress he was in! Will Jamison had informed Harry of all of the ramifications of Lee's prognosis. Will was very concerned about the depth of depression that Crane was suffering.

Nelson walked, quietly, over to the bedside, and laid a hand on Crane's shoulder. "Lee," he said softly. "Care to talk about it, lad?"

The sobs slowly stopped and Crane turned to face Nelson. He tried to clear his throat and regain some of his composure.

"Admiral...? Why... what are you..."

"Will called me about your, er,...Confrontation with the nurse...He was concerned...."

Lee shook his head, "He shouldn't have bothered you...I would have handled it!"

"I'm sure you would have, if you could get the poor woman to come near you again!"

"I'd've sent flowers and a note...I'll send all of them flowers!" He said testily. "All I want them to do is stop asking 'How are we doing today!' We are doing lousy, and we don't want to talk about it...! How's that for an answer Admiral, do you really think that they would have liked an answer like that? Dear God, I'm sick of all of this! .... Maybe you should have just let me die, there on the boat, and none of you would have to put up with me, and I wouldn't have to put up with all this!"

"Lee, you don't really mean that!"

"Don't I sir? Why shouldn't I mean it?" he asked angrily "What good am I doing right here, right now...? And if my hands don't heal, what good will I am to anyone? I’ll just be a useless cripple who can't do anything for himself! Won't that be a real joy for my mother and son to live with...and my friends, they'll love to visit ‘poor Lee’!

"Aren't you a little bit ahead of the game here a bit, Captain?" Nelson asked him gruffly! The prospect of a Seaview without Crane at the helm disturbed Nelson greatly. While he knew that it was a distinct possibility according to Jamison, he didn't intend to give up the fight easily, and he wouldn't let Lee sink into the morass of depression. Lee Crane was a fine officer and a good friend, and he did not intend to lose him in either capacity!

"Lee, you're drowning in self pity! This isn't like you!'

"May be it’s the new me… Harry!"

Nelson was taken aback. In all their years, Crane had never called him by his given name! He decided to ignore it, and instead, get angry with his Captain.

"Well, I don't like the new you, Lee. And I don't think that too many of your friends and family will like him either!"

"Well then maybe I should find some new friends!"

"Maybe you should, Lee! And a new family! Perhaps I'll come back later if you change your mind!"

He turned on a heel and started out the door.

Crane called to him, as he went thru the door..."No.... Admiral...! Wait...! Please!!!"

Icily, "Yes, Captain...?"

"I.... I’m sorry, sir. I certainly didn't mean to hurt your feelings...sir.

Nelson turned back to face Crane, saw the repentance and the despair in his face and the iciness was immediately dropped. He went to the bedside, and grasped Lee's arm. "I know that it’s hard, lad. I know the prospects aren't the best, but we'll deal with it together! You and I, and Helen and Robert, together. We'll deal with it and we'll get thru it!!"

"Get thru it? I hope so." There was a long pause on Crane's part, "But, Admiral...what if..."

He left the end of the question hanging. Nelson looked long and hard at the younger man, his Azure blue eyes locking the amber-hazel ones in a fierce grip.

"Then we'll handle it! Let's wait and see what the results are! In the meantime, let's concentrate on getting you out of here and back to the apartment! It's not home, but it's not the hospital either! "

Crane settled back into pillow, defeated. "Whatever you think is best, Admiral." He said resignedly." I don't seem to have much of a choice or say in the matter."

In an attempt to lighten his friends' mood, he asked him, "Have you seen Helen and Robert today?"

"No, sir...Chip told me that they would be by later today."

"Your mother seems to be enjoying the move. I must have twenty messages from her about what she can and can't do regarding the apartment.... Did you know she was going to ask me about staying there after the house is livable again?"

"Chip mentioned it, sir. I'm afraid I was pretty rude to him as well as to you. I told him to get out, and he did. I know that you are all trying to help...its just that if there is no way to help, then what..."

"Well, let’s just say that I have a few ideas and there may be some help already on the way!"...

 

 

Caitlin Davis stared at the laptop on the desk. If she was going to modify it for a different use, she had to concentrate on her work and not on the other things that were distracting her. The last thing she needed to think about was how worried she was about Lee Crane. HN had told her mother, Karen Nelson about the depths of Crane’s depression since his shooting on the boat. HN told Karen that Lee wasn’t recovering as well as he had on other occasions, that the damage to his hands had been so severe that the orthopedist had told Lee that he may never use them again. That had set the Seaview’s Captain into a downturn that no one seemed to be able to pull him out of. On the advice of Nelson’s Psychiatrist, Bricker, Jamison and Nelson were making plans to get Lee out of the Med Center and home… Unfortunately his home had been damaged, in last weeks’ storm and his homecoming was going to be to the apartment next to hers, (not a bad break for her, though!) and not his own home. But Jamison believed that any place out of the Med Center was a better place for Lee Crane than a hospital facility. The best place would have been the Seaview, but that was out of the question, with the nature of his injuries and the refit of the boat.

Caitlin had come up with the idea to modify an older laptop to voice commands, so that Lee would be able, by means of a modem and the phone line to keep tabs on the boat and the work on his house. She had approached Nelson, Jamison and Bricker and all had given her an enthusiastic approval. Now she had to make it work!

She wished that Lee would realize how much she cared for him. Robert knew! And she and Lee’s son had become fast friends in the last few years. Whenever she’d been home from Virginia Tech, she’d volunteered to baby-sit for Robert Crane, and later Alex Morton. Robert Crane was a bright and happy child, and secure in the enormous love squandered upon him by his father, grandmother and all of the adults in his life. Everyone tried very hard to compensate the child for the loss of his mother when he was only an infant. At times it seemed to Caitlin that no one who had known Cathy Crane had gotten over her loss. Everyone who knew Lee Crane knew that he hadn’t gotten over it. Every time he looked at his son, he saw Cathy’s eyes, her smile, her spirit, and he didn’t seem to want to let her go. Caitlin knew she was fighting an uphill battle in that direction. She was in love with the Seaview’s Captain, had been for a long time. She’d even invited him to think about it after her Mother and HN’s wedding. She’d kissed him and told him that she didn’t play games like that! What was the man? Totally dense? Damn!

And that had been only the first of a number of times they had been ‘thrown together’!  She had to smile to herself when she remembered the kitchen at the Morton’s and the strawberries at  her mother’s baby shower.  And the when Lee had returned from the mission with the drug dealers, right before Sean’s birth. The way he looked at her…well, she knew he was at the very least, intrigued. And she couldn’t begin to count the times when they had been together…. Most of the time, she knew that the man wasn’t dead! That afternoon on the beach, after the volleyball game, well… she’d had ample proof of his interest then… And now, well, now he was just being a self-indulgent, stubborn, self-destructive individual, who only wanted to feel sorry for himself!!! He’d better get out of this black mood! She would have something to say about it if he’d let her! And maybe even if he didn’t! She most definitely was her mother’s daughter!! She set to work, getting the laptop in working order!

 

 

Helen Crane opened the door to the apartment, and her grandson followed her in. Robert had grown pensive as of late and Helen was very concerned for him. At nine, he was beginning to show the promise of his adulthood and he was looking more and more like his father. His personality was becoming more like Lee’s as well. The stubbornness, the focus on doing what was right at all costs…For a nine year old, he was so much like his father!!!! And with Lee being hospitalized for so long and not knowing what the end result of all of his injuries would be, Robert had grown more and more quiet. He was carrying two large grocery bags for her and although she had asked to share the burden, he had adamantly refused to allow her to help. She sighed as Robert carried the bags into the kitchen of the large apartment. In a sense, she was grateful that part of the roof had been blown off. Overseeing to Lee’s care would be much easier here than in the house. At least all of the rooms here were on one floor. And having the two corpsmen in the house to help wouldn’t have been possible. At least here, each man could have their own room if they wished. The large hospital bed and all of the medical equipment overflowed the living room area. Frank and John had promised to come over to help set things up. Lee would be coming home tomorrow. At least this was better than a hospital for him. And Robert would be around except when he was in school. That should help Lee’s spirits a lot… to be around Robert. How could she get him out of this depression? There had to be something that she could do. Perhaps she could enlist Caitlin Davis for help. Regular visits from that pretty young woman should help Lee! She certainly cared a great deal about him. A great deal! She was a lot younger, but…

"Gran…" Robert called her from the kitchen.

"Coming, Robert. What do you want, dear?"

"Gran, could you help me here. I’m not sure where you want me to put these things."

She went into the kitchen and stood next to the counter where her grandson was unpacking the bags, and putting items away. He held up a package of some kind of fruit.

"Over here, dear. That’s one of your father’s favorites…or at least it was when he was your age. I thought that I could fix it for him when he came home. A special treat, you know."

"How is dad going to do it here, Gran, away from the hospital, I mean. His hands are still in those things, and I heard the Admiral and Jamie, I mean, Doctor Jamison, talking about it. Dad still has to stay in the bed. He won’t be able to do anything for himself at all…still! And then they said that the therapist would come here, to work on his hips and his legs… How are they going to do all that here, Gran? John and Frank are going to be staying here too, they said. Gran, is Dad going to be ok? I mean, his hands, they will work again, won’t they? I mean after all that Dad has been through?"

She took him into the living room and she sat down on the couch, pulling the youngster next to her. "Sit here, Robert, and let’s talk. You are very worried about your Dad aren’t you? And you’ve been trying to be very brave about, haven’t you?"

His lower lip began to tremble, and he nodded in assent. "Then why haven’t you asked me or talked to me about it? You’ve always talked to me before."

"I’m sorry, Gran. I know that you’re very worried too. The guys at school say to just not talk about it and it will get better. And the Chief says that Dad will be ok and not to worry. And Riley said don’t ask and you won’t get any bad answers that you don’t want to hear. And then I asked Uncle Chip, and he told me to talk to you or the Admiral. And I tried to talk to the Admiral, but Sean was being a real pest, and I couldn’t get serious, you know…. I’m scared, Gran. Really scared that Dad won’t get well, and that we won’t have the Institute to live by and that he won’t have the command of the boat, and that we’ll have to leave Santa Barbara. I don’t want to do any of that! I…"

The apartment doorbell rang, and Helen rose to answer it. "I’ll get that and be right with you Robert."

Caitlin Davis stood in the doorway, holding a casserole. "Hello, Helen. I just brought this over, so that you wouldn’t have to do any dinner tonight. You’ve got so much to do to get ready to bring Lee home! I just wanted to help you if I could."

Caitlin had developed a real fondness for Helen Crane in the years she had been at NIMR. The older woman was kind and generous and loved her son and grandson to a fault. There wasn’t anything that she wouldn’t do for the two of them. She stepped thru the door and Robert was standing next to his Grandmother.

"Hello, Caitlin."

"Hi, R.C., How are you doing?’

The boy shrugged his shoulders and Helen took the casserole from Caitlin’s hands. "Robert, take Caitlin into the living room and I’ll put this in the kitchen, and join you."

Caitlin let her arm fall over the boy’s shoulder and walked with him. When Helen came into the room a few moments later, Robert’s head was buried in Caitlin’s shoulder and he was sobbing. Caitlin had her arms wrapped around the boy, and was gently stroking the back of his head and talking low and soothingly to him. Helen quietly turned and left the two of them alone. She knew that Caitlin would tell her all she had to know at the right time…

 

 

"Hey, Skipper, how’s it going?"

The irrepressible COB, Francis Sharkey charged into Lee Crane’s room. The man had the look and manner of a faithful watchdog, always seeing to the needs of Seaview’s Senior Staff, whether they asked for it or not! They were his chosen projects as long as he was on the boat and, and therefore there wasn’t anything that he wouldn’t do for them, or at least try to do.

"What can I do for you today, Sir?"

"Get me out of here, Sharkey and away from all these well meaning but totally useless women!"

"Now, Skipper, you know that even I can’t do that! Until Doc let’s you go you have to stay here! But I know that I can help in some other way!! How about a shave, sir? I don’t think that any of the women around here know how to give a good shave! "

Lee smiled at him glumly, and resignedly said, "Sure, Chief, take your best shot! Just about everyone else has!!"

He lay back on the pillows and Sharkey pulled open the bedside drawer and shaving supplies and proceeded to shave his Captain. The Chief kept up a steady stream of chatter during the procedure, and by the time he was finished, Lee Crane was exhausted. He had never realized how much Sharkey could talk!

Sharkey wiped his hands on a towel and then said, "There you go, Skipper! Bet that feels better?!"

Like a puppy dog waiting for a treat, Sharkey waited expectantly for Crane’s approval.

"Thanks, Chief. The best shave that I’ve had I a long time."

The COB beamed broadly. "Thanks, Skipper. What else can I do for you?"

"Nothing that I can think of right now, Sharkey. Will tells me that I’m going home today."

"That’s great, Sir! Maybe I could go over to the apartment and see if Mrs. Crane could use my help! "

Gratefully, "That sounds like a good idea, Chief. I’m sure that there is something that you can do over there. And if you stay long enough, perhaps I’ll see you then."

"Aye, sir." He grabbed his hat and jacket, and hurriedly left the room. Several minutes later, Will Jamison stood in the doorway and looked at his patient. He was extremely concerned about the Seaview’s Captain. Admittedly, Lee had been through a great deal of trauma with this last incident, but he was not recovering the way that Will would have liked. The depression that he was suffering was very deep, and Will knew that it was tied into the possibility of never having the use of his hands again. All of the parameters of that, were personally disastrous for the Captain, but all they could do was to work towards it not happening. He sighed and entered the room, the situation making it all the more difficult for the doctor.

He picked up the chart at the bedside, looked at it, made a few notes and then spoke to the Captain. "Morning, Skipper. Feeling up to taking a ride today?"

"Once again, Doc, do I have a choice? Everyone is making decisions ‘in my best interests’… so I guess I go for the ride home, or to the apartment. I really can’t fight it, can I? Since I can’t do anything for myself! How are we going to do this? An even better question, Will. What am I going to wear for the occasion?. With these contraptions on my hands, and the ‘tubes’ coming and going, it seems that my options are limited, doesn’t it?"

"Lee, maybe if you didn’t fight me at every turn, we could do something positive, instead of negative? I’ve had a long talk with John and Frank, and if you cooperate, I think the Foley can go, as well as the rest of the tubes and wires. If you cooperate!" For the first time, Crane’s expression seemed brighter. Jamison knew from prior experiences with Crane that he hated what he called the indignities of the hospital, so that maybe going home without them might help improve his spirits.

"Am I to understand that John and Frank are going to comprise my ‘nursing’ staff?"

"That’s right, Lee. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, Will. No problem.’

Jamison pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"Lee, let’s talk - I know that you are terribly frightened about your hands. I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if I were in your place. I know that it could meant he end of your career, the Seaview, of it all – I understand that you are having a hard time with it all…But you have to know that you are also making the lives of those that love and care about you, absolutely miserable. "

Crane shrugged his shoulders with an ‘If I’m miserable, why shouldn’t everyone else be as well’

"It’s not right, Lee. And it’s certainly not the thing that Lee Crane would do."

"Will, maybe not the old Lee Crane – the one who was healthy and whole. But, in case you haven’t noticed, this is a different Lee Crane!…Definitely not healthy and I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again!" He raised bandaged hands slightly from the bed in anger and frustration.

"Just get me out of here, Will! Let me go home, or at least to the apartment where I can wallow in my self pity without any outside interference!"

Angrily, Jamison replied, "If you persist in that attitude, Captain, then I’ll be hauling your sorry butt back here faster than you can raise that blessed boat of yours to the surface! Dr. Bricker and I agreed that home would be better for you, but I can easily change my mind!"

He rose from the chair, and stood at the bedside. "Frank is coming in to help you dress - we have your khakis and a shirt that will accommodate the appliances." Crane wrinkled his nose in disgust, but Jamison kept on. He gently lifted the sheet, "here, let me look at your side." He probed the area around the drain, and Lee grimaced in discomfort.

"Still painful?"

"Yes." Was the flat reply.

"I’ll take out the drain, change all the bandages, and take out the Foley as soon as I can get a nurse or corpsman in here. I’ll be right back."

Lee started to reach out for him and then stopped. Instead, in a low voice he called, "Jamie – please!"  He paused. "I really am sorry for all the grief I’ve been giving you,” he sighed.

Jamison, returned to the bedside, and evading bandages, put a hand on Crane’s shoulder.  "It’s ok, Skipper - part of the job description - Taking grief from my most frequent and uncooperative patient!"

A shadow of a smile passed over Crane’s face. "Let me get a nurse to help me and we’ll get started getting you out of here! By the way, the therapist will be to the apartment this afternoon, to set up a schedule to get working on your hips and getting you up and walking… I’ll be right back!"

 

 

"There Skipper, how does that feel? Kinda good to be dressed in real clothes again, huh?"

Lee shook his head ruefully. "Honestly, Frank, it feels a little strange. After a month of just sheets and blankets, well…"

"Well, sir, you just lie back and rest a bit. You’ve had two dizzy spells since we started - if you have another one, I’m gonna have to let Doc know. And he may change his mind and not let you leave here after all! I wouldn’t want that to happen, sir."

Lee nodded in agreement. He was tired out! And he hadn’t done anything! Frank had done all the work! He hadn’t even left the bed. All he’d done was sit up a little, and move around a bit! He hadn’t even left the bed, much less the room!

 

 

Frank Lerner left the Captain’s room concerned. He saw Jamison down the hall with a few doctors and Nelson, and quickly made his way to the group. He placed a hand on Doc’s arm.

"Doc…? I’m sorry but can I talk to you a minute, please?" Jamison turned and looked at the Corpsman

"Frank…?"

"It’s about the Skipper, sir."

 Jamison put an arm over the corpsman’s shoulder and guided him away from the little group. "Yes, Frank, what about him?"

"Sir, I’m worried… I was helping him dress, you know…" Doc nodded." And, sir, well...he’s so thin! His pants, they must be two sizes too big for him! I mean. He’s always tended to be thin, but, sir… this isn’t good!!"

"Thanks, Frank. I know about the weight loss….That’s another reason we’re sending him home. It goes hand in hand with the depression. The fact that he has to rely on others hasn’t helped him. Now, that’s where you and John are going to come in. Between the two of you we can monitor that!"

"Ok, doc… Say is everything ready to get him home? I know that the bed and all the equipment is set up at the apartment."

"Yes, the wheelchair is coming and the ambulance is waiting downstairs. I think that we’re ready. I just need to get the Admiral."

 

 

He had started to doze and a touch startled him.

"Lee…?"

He blinked his eyes open, and Harriman Nelson was standing at the bedside.

"Ready to go home?"

He shook his head to clear it.  "As ready as I guess I can be. Admiral….it’ll be good to get out of here."

Nelson clapped him on the shoulder. "I know, Lad, I know."

Frank Lerner, John Warner, and Jamison came into the room, pushing a wheelchair. Lee looked at them surprised.

"I thought we’d give the chair a shot, Skipper … If you feel up to it."

"My head does – I just don’t know if the rest of me will co-operate."

Nelson and Jamison exchanged significant looks.

"Just let us do all the work, Lee. We’ll do the work and you’ll get to take a nice easy ride!" As Crane sat up in the bed, Frank gently swung the Captain’s legs over the side. Lee took a few deep breaths as the room began to shift in size and direction.

"Dizzy, Lee?"

"A little, Will. "

Jamison nodded, " To be expected, Skipper. Just take it slow…, and if it gets any worse, let me know."

Crane nodded slowly. He knew that he couldn’t give into the vertigo, or all this effort would be for naught and he wouldn’t get home today! He took several deep breaths and let the doctor and the corpsman move him. He knew that he wouldn’t be much help to them and did only as he was told. Frank and John each moved to either side of him and using a ‘basket carry’ lifted him from the bed to the chair. They settled him in and Jamison checked his hands, and then let Nelson move to the back of the chair.

"Ready, Lee?"

Crane nodded tiredly and Nelson pushed the chair down the corridor.

 

 

Helen Crane anxiously paced the small foyer. Harriman Nelson had called her from the Hospital and told her that they were on their way. Robert was simply standing at the door, waiting. She had tried to get him away from it, to sit down and wait, quietly, but he had resolutely refused. She understood where the child was coming from, and after her talk with Caitlin, better understood where the child’s head was. That he was so thoroughly frightened did not surprise her, but the reason for his fears did. He had never known his mother. He had been too young when she died. His father was his only parent, and had been always strong and forward looking and always optimistic about everything. The many times that Lee had been hurt in the course of duty hadn’t bothered the boy, because when he was younger, his father seemed invincible. This time was very different. Lee’s behavior, his depression, his black mood had terrified his son, and he was afraid to tell his father. He didn’t want to make the situation worse than it was so he kept it all within, becoming quiet and withdrawn. He had begun to talk to her, last night and expressed some of his fears, and when Caitlin Davis had come over, the wall had broken and he had released all the feelings that he had been hiding. Caitlin was a good friend to all of the children of Seaview’s Senior Staff, and it made sense to Helen that Robert would feel comfortable opening up to her. She also knew that the boy needed a mother. When was her son going to realize that? Robert suddenly became very excited.

"They’re here, Gran! They’re here!! They just got off the elevator!"

He flung open the door, and resisted the desire to charge down the hall to meet the group coming down it.  Then before Robert could say anything else, they were at the door and he was standing looking at his father in the wheelchair. He wanted to throw himself at the man in the chair, but instead he settled for a hug and gave Lee a polite greeting, and hung onto the arm of chair. From the look on Robert’s face, Helen knew that he was afraid that if he let go of it, Lee would suddenly vanish. Helen looked at her son, and knew that he was completely exhausted form the activity so far. But she also knew better than to say anything to him. She leaned down and he kissed her on the cheek.

"Welcome home, Lee." A few stray tears glistened in her eyes. At least he was home.

"Thanks, Mom," he said quietly. Clearly all he needed now was rest. She looked at him more closely, and realized how thin he was. Well, she would remedy that too. She started to greet the rest of the group. Robert had taken the two corpsmen and led them to the rooms that they would occupy.

Jamison had pushed the wheelchair to the bed, and he and Nelson were talking quietly to Crane, while waiting for the corpsmen to return, to help get the Seaview’s Captain into the bed. Lee was about at the end of his strength. All Jamison wanted to do was get him settled and then he wanted to get Nelson and himself out of the apartment and let Helen Crane and the two corpsmen set up their arrangements. Then too, the therapists were supposed to be arriving later, to set up their schedule.

The two medics came out of the hallway, thanking Robert for his help and eliciting a small smile from him. Robert went back to the side of the wheelchair and Lee put his arm over his son’s shoulder. The appliance on Lee’s hand was uncomfortable resting on Robert’s chest, but he didn’t say a word, grateful for the fact that his dad was there and able to put an arm around him. He missed those moments he had shared with his dad and been unable to have since Lee’d been in the hospital. He was afraid that if he touched him wrong, he’d set off an alarm, or pull put a tube, or hurt this man he so dearly loved.

The return to the room of the corpsmen was Will Jamison’s signal to collect the Admiral and leave. He stood and said to Crane, "Lee, Harry and I will be leaving so that you can get settled. I’ll be stopping by tomorrow. The therapist will be here this afternoon. And if you need anything, Frank and John will be sure to call me. I think that you’ll start feeling better now that you’re home."

"I hope so, Will. Right now, all I am is tired. Just plain tired. "

Jamison clapped him on the shoulder, "I understand…" He grabbed Nelson’s arm, “That’s why we’re leaving. Let’s go, Harry."

Nelson picked up his hat, and leaned over to his Captain.  "I’ll see you tomorrow, Lee. I’m coming, Jamie."

As soon as they left, Lee slumped in the chair, exhausted. Frank Lerner lowered the bed to a manageable height, and spoke to Crane, "Skipper, John and I are going to get you into the bed the same way we got you out of it. " He turned to Robert standing close by his father’s side, "Robert, if you’ll just move over there for about ten minutes, we’ll get your dad settled and then you can come closer again, ok?"

Reluctantly the youngster moved next to his grandmother, never taking his eyes off his father. As the corpsmen lifted the Seaview’s Captain onto the bed, Robert didn’t miss the look of pain and embarrassment in his father’s eyes. Robert ached for his father - he understood pride even though he was only nine years old –and he understood in his own way - how this was eating at his father’s self pride. He watched intently as the corpsmen gently lowered Crane to the bed, and ever so gently removed the street clothes and replaced them with the robe and Pajama bottoms of an invalid. That’s what his father was, an invalid. The tall, strong, laughing man he knew, had been reduced to the sick man on the bed. Robert wanted to cry aloud. More than that, he wanted to get the man that had hurt his father! He wanted to hurt him! But Robert also knew that Lee wouldn’t want, wouldn’t allow revenge. That wouldn’t be the right thing! Frank motioned him over to the bed, and Robert stood next to the guardrail. Lee Crane lay back on the pillow, his face white from strain and exhaustion. A fine sheen of perspiration covered is forehead. His eyes were closed and his breathing was light, and rapid. Frank was on the other side of the bed, hypodermic in hand.

"Skipper, I’ve got some meds here, for the pain. I’m going to give it to you now and it should help a lot." Crane nodded and Frank rolled up the robe sleeve and gave him the injection in the upper arm. "I’ll be in the other room if you want me, sir." And he left the bedside.

Robert stood there for a few minutes more, and then said, very quietly, "Daddy…?"

Lee opened his eyes, and saw his son standing there next to the bed. The boy reached out to his father and touched his arm…"I love you, Daddy."

Lee saw the look on his son’s face, and called to Frank, "Frank, come here for a minute, will you?"

Frank was at the bed in a moment. "Yes, Skipper?"

"Lower the bedrail, will you, and help Robert lie down here with me."

"Daddy, are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you!"

Lee smiled at his son. "Don’t worry Robert, you won’t."

The corpsman lowered the rail and the boy scrambled into the bed. Lee wrapped an arm around his son and held him close and tightly. "There, that’s better now, isn’t it?" he asked him softly. "We haven’t be able to do this in a long time, have we?" Robert nodded his head, and all the control that the nine-year old had struggled so long to maintain finally cracked, and he gave over all of his fears to his father. He cried, and his father held him as tightly as he could to try and chase the ghosts and fears away.

Helen Crane stood in the doorway and watched her son and grandson. As she watched Lee hold his son, she was aware that she was a witness to the beginning of a healing of the spirit of father and son. She knew that there was a long road to follow, but she also knew that at the very least it had begun.

 

 

Several hours later, Lee woke. Robert was still lying in his arms, and he was sleeping soundly. Sitting nearby, in an easy chair, was Helen. She had a book in hand, and was watching Lee and Robert. He stirred, and she looked at him.

"Reminds me of other times, that I’d find him curled up in your bed, on the boat, or in the Sick Bay or Med Facility."

"Yes," he said softly. "But I don’t ever recall him being so frightened before…then again, I haven’t been either!"

She rose and stood at the bedside, stroking the young boy’s hair. "He’s so like you, you know?’

Lee smiled at her crookedly, "I know. You tell me that often! But there’s so much of Cathy in him too! Poor kid! He doesn’t stand a chance! Two stubborn, willful parents!" Lee held him more tightly, and Robert sighed contentedly in his sleep. "I hate to move him, but he’ll be more comfortable in his room. We’ll get Frank to carry him for you, mom." She nodded and signaled the corpsman who had looked up, at the sound of voices. Frank came to the bedside.

"Frank, could you carry Robert to his room?"

"Sure, Skipper…" He reached down, and gently picked up the sleeping boy. Robert sighed again in his sleep, and Frank carried him to his room. Helen fussed with the sheets on Lee’s bed, and then followed Frank to Robert’s room.

Lee shifted and tried to rearrange himself in the bed. Frank came to the bedside and asked, "Skipper, can I do anything for you? Straighten the bed? Get you something?"

As he tried to move, to get more comfortable, he moved wrong and a stab of pain shot thru his left side. He gasped and Frank asked, "Skipper, you ok?"

"Yes, just a wrong move, you know..?" he shifted further…he sighed, the pain didn’t stop. Reluctantly, he said, "Maybe the pain meds…it’s not letting up."

"Sure, Skipper. I’ll get them." He went over to Warner and the two of them talked quietly as Frank prepared the medication. John approached the bed. "Skipper, let me fix these sheets, and see if we can get you a little more comfortable." John smoothed and straightened the sheets, and helped Lee move his position in the bed and Frank gave him the injection. He settled back into the pillows, and lay there, staring out the window, at the sea, until , finally, he gave into the sleep that was pulling at him.

 

 

He slept a dreamless sleep until voices began to intrude on his subconscious. He reluctantly opened his eyes and tried to focus on the source of the voices. Caitlin Davis was sitting at the table in the Dining area talking to Robert and Helen. John and Frank were nowhere to be seen. He cleared his throat. And three sets of eyes turned to him at once.

"Lee, dear, you’re awake?"

"Yes, Mom." He laughed slightly, "I guess so, or I wouldn’t be talking to you, now would I "

Helen came over to the bedside, and kissed him on the forehead. "Now, don’t be sarcastic. We have a guest."

"Hello, Caitlin."

She smiled at the Seaview’s Captain "Hello, Lee. I’ve brought something for you. And I was showing Helen and Robert. " Robert had slid between his grandmother and the bedrail and was watching his father intently. Lee looked at his son.

"Are you feeling better now, Robert?" he asked the boy gently.

"Yes, Dad. Much!" He smiled at his father, and laid a hand on his arm. "Wait’ll you see what Caitlin has brought for you to use!"

"You seem very excited about it!" He looked at Caitlin, "Maybe you had better show me now, or Robert here might soon explode!"

"Dad!" Robert said, but he had a great big smile on his face.

"C’mon, R.C., help me with it, ok?"

Caitlin and Robert moved to the table, and in the midst of much giggling and laughing came back over to the bed. Helen moved a hospital table in front of Lee, and with a great deal of ceremony, Caitlin placed a laptop computer on it. Lee looked at her, with a question on his face. He looked at his hands and the back at her. Robert was standing next to him, and Caitlin was plugging in several wires. When she finished, he said,

"Interesting…. But how…?"

"It’s voice activated, Lee. All you have to do is to talk to it and it will respond."

"Watch, Dad!" Robert said excitedly, "Specifications for the S.S.R.N. Seaview ." The screen jumped to life and in a matter of seconds the Seaview’s specs came onto the screen. Lee gave Caitlin a look of absolute admiration.

She leaned over, next to him, and began to point out several details of the computer to him. Her head was close to his face and he couldn’t help but inhale the sweet scent of her hair. The words ‘Heady and intoxicating’ came into his mind. She laid a hand on his arm.

"Once it’s hooked up to the phone line and the power. All you have to do is to talk to it and it’ll give you any information you need or want to know. And the modem connects you to the boat and the Institute. Just request the information and you can get it! Simply and straight forward!"

Lee laughed, "Maybe for you, or even Chip Morton, but not me! I understand what you’re telling me, but I don’t know if I can get used to it!…Talking to a computer!!"

Caitlin laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Lee, it’s not all the complicated. Really, all you have to do is talk to it. It’ll give you all the information you need. It’s got a huge memory, so you can do about ten to fourteen different activities at one time. I’m on break from my classes right now, so I can come over any day and give you a hand…."She stopped, and looked at the large bulky appliances on his hands. "Oh, I’m sorry, Lee…I didn’t mean… I mean that … Oh, I’m sorry!"

He instinctively wanted to reach out and touch her and tell her not to worry but his hands prevented that. Instead he had to be satisfied with just saying, softly, "It’s alright, Caitlin. It’s a figure of speech. Please…don’t worry !!" He paused and then asked her, "Did you do this modification…to make it respond to speech?"

She nodded too upset with herself to speak. She wanted to cry. Tears glistened at the corners of her eyes.

He wanted to reach out and hold her close, and let her know that he wasn’t upset. She was so caring and giving! She had done so much for Helen and Robert. And look at what she had done for him! All the time that she had put in to do this computer set up! Damn his hands!!!

"Caitlin, please…" he asked her again. She wiped at her face, and saw how angry he was getting with the situation. He looked at Helen Crane and said, angrily to her, "Mom, take this thing away, please?!…I’m sorry Caitlin. I’m just not up to this now…I appreciate what you’ve done here, but not now, ok?"

Feeling that she was the cause of his anger, and the drop in his spirits, she backed off. She looked at Robert Crane and saw how puzzled he was by his father’s actions. ‘C’mon, R.C. - I’ll show you the games that I loaded on here so that you can play them with your dad when he’s feeling up to it." She shot a look at Lee which he pointedly ignored, and took the laptop and the wires back to the Dining Room table, where she huddled with Robert.

Helen moved to the bedrail and said to Crane with quiet admonishment – "Caitlin put a great deal of time into doing those modifications, Lee. You might be a bit more grateful."

"Grateful for what? The time and effort, I appreciate – believe me I do! But don’t you realize that if I use that – that thing – Then I’ll be acknowledging that I won’t be able to use my hands again! – Can’t you see that …?" he asked her raggedly. "That I’m saying that this is the end!!! The end of everything, Mom!" Robert looked over as his father’s voice rose in volume. Lee let his hands fall to the bed in frustration and he winced as the jarring motion sent needles of pain shooting up both arms – he tried to shift position and his hips and legs refused to co-operate, and instead they also sent pain messages to his body.

"Damn!!" he shouted aloud.

Caitlin and Robert looked toward him and Robert reached out for her hand. She took it and drew him close, hugging him…"It’s ok, Robert…Your dad is just upset right now." The child nodded numbly and a huge tear rolled down his cheek. She thought quickly and said, "why don’t you come next door with me and I can show you some of the new games that a few of my students designed for the computer." She continued to watch Lee while she held and talked to his son.

"Helen, I’m going to take Robert next door and show him some of the games that my students designed." She informed the older woman - completely ignoring the child’s father - When Helen saw the look in Caitlin’s eyes, she didn’t question her, she’s seen the same look in Lee’s eyes as well…and then she realized that she saw something else there, besides the anger. – "Why, she’s so angry with him because she loves him!" Helen was surprised at the realization, and she also knew that, at this moment, Lee had no clue at all how the girl felt for him. She knew he was too wrapped up in his anger, frustration and despair.

"That might be a good idea!" he barked. Then more softly to his son, "Go ahead now, Robert…Caitlin will call your grandmother when you’re ready to leave."

"Yes, Dad," he said quietly. He touched Crane on his arm, and walked slowly to the door.

Caitlin continued to ignore Lee and spoke only to his mother. "I’ll call you when Robert’s ready to come home. I’ll bring him back over. Maybe the atmosphere in here will improve…I hope so…"

She took the youngster by the hand and left.

"She’s a good friend, Lee. She cares for you very much!"

"…and I’ll be real good for her like this, now won’t I! Some catch for a young woman…an old guy with hands that don’t work. That’s a pretty picture, isn’t it… Lee wearing a bib, being fed by the young girl…real pretty picture!!".

"Lee Crane, stop this!"

"No, Mom…that’s the reality of it right now!!"

"Lee, until you stop this, I don’t know what I, or anyone else for that matter, can do for you!" She walked out of the room and down the hallway to her room, and slammed the door.

Lee lay there in the bed, thinking and feeling sorrier and sorrier for himself.

 

 

Caitlin was angry! How could he be so…so stubborn!! So pigheaded!! Her anger softened slightly, and she also realized how frightened he was! And one thing he would never admit to was fear! There had to be a way that she could help him! If she couldn’t , if someone couldn’t, it would kill him as easily as any of the bullets could have. If someone could help him….

She reached for the phone after checking on Robert. The little boy was thoroughly engrossed in the game he was playing, and at least for the moment, he had forgotten his anxiety about his father.

"Mom, can you talk…is HN around?"

"Hi, Caitlin…No, Harriman took Sean to the office. I’m alone.. why…?"

"Well, I need your help…"

 

 

Tony Rennalt stood at the doorway to the Crane’s apartment. For one of  the few times in his life, he was somewhat unsure of why he was where he was, and of what he was going to do once he went into the apartment.  He had had a long talk with Karen Nelson and figured that his two cents thrown at the Seaview’s Captain couldn’t hurt.  The man needed something to get him going!

‘Damn!! There had to be something someone could do to get Lee Crane out of this black mood he was in! Well, faint heart ne’er won fair maiden, or so the sayin’ goes… Rennalt,  you had better make this one a good one…”

He knocked on the door, and waited, lounging against the side of the frame.  When Helen opened the door, he smiled one of his largest smiles, and said as easily as he usually did.

“Howdy, Ma’am… I’m hopin’  that you’re fine.”

Helen smiled back at him, “Tony, good to see you…I take it you’ve come to stir the pot some more?”

“That obvious, ma’am?”

“Let’s just say that the Nelson Institute is calling out the big guns when it comes to helping my son.  Come in, won’t you?”

The lanky Texan unfolded himself from the doorframe, and sauntered into the apartment, waiting for Helen to close the door.  She took Tony’s arm, and led him into the kitchen. 

“Coffee first...before you see my son.”

Tony crooked a smile, ‘Thank you, ma’am, I’ll be happy to have some, tho’ I’d prefer  something stiffer…”

She patted him on the arm, “Oh, I do understand…believe me I do. On a good day, my son is to say the least, difficult. And these aren’t good days.”

He sipped at the coffee, “Mmm, that’s what Karen, Chip and Harry have been tellin’ me. Now it’s my turn to take a crack at him.  We’ll have to see what I can do.” He smiled at her again, and put the coffee down, “Thanks for the coffee, ma’am. Think I’ll go and see what damage I can do..” he winked, and smiled at her, then moved toward the man in the bed.

Lee was staring out the window. His mood had deepened with his coming home, not improved. There was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do with himself.  The only person that had seemed to lighten his time was Caitlin, but he had been far too successful in pushing her away. He sighed deeply. He had heard the doorbell, and knew one of his friends was going to try and ‘help’ him get into a better mood. He didn’t need help. He didn’t want to be in a better mood. He didn’t want or need help. Maybe he could get them all to leave him alone. He sighed again. No chance of that…none at all. 

Tony sauntered over to the bedside, scoping the lay of the land as it were. He looked around the room, saw a chair, and pulled it to the bed. He sat and stretched his legs to the bedrails, tucked his hands into his pockets, and waited.

Lee waited for his visitor to say something. He could feel the presence at the side of the bed, heard the boots settle on the bedrail,  but he waited for  Tony Rennalt to speak. He didn’t expect what his visitor had to say to him.

Tony sat staring at Lee for a long time, taking in all of the paraphernalia that accompanied Crane. He shook his head, saddened to see not the man he knew, but a stranger in the bed. He sighed, chewing on the toothpick that he had in his mouth. Finally, he grunted, and said, “Crane.”

Lee turned his head, to meet the soles of a pair of boots, and commented, “Probably the best looking part of you, Rennalt!”

Tony ‘humphed’ and stood, leaning over the bedrail.  With a sardonic expression on his face, he asked, “Crane, when the hell are you going to get your sorry damn ass out of that bed and get moving? I hear folks are gittin’ tired of this pity-party of yours

Angrily, Lee returned, “How the hell would you know what or wasn’t a pity-party, as you so call it?  I don’t think you have a fucking clue of how this feels or how this is..”

Slowly chewing on his toothpick, moving the tiny piece of wood back and forth in his mouth, he drawled rather nonchalantly, “How the hell do you know if I do or don’t know how you feel?”

“Because no one can really understand how this feels. No one can. If I don’t get the use of my hands back, I lose it all…my job, my home… everything…You can’t know!”

Quietly, leaning over the bedrail, Tony began to seriously talk to the boat’s Captain.  “Oh, but I sure as hell do know! I‘ve never told this to anyone…not even Harry.  Man, I was a helluva lot younger and a great deal more stupid than I am now… a snotty 23 year old, a kid, my old man called me. Well, I thought I knew it all… really knew it all, and I decided to ride a bronc that my dad had that was scheduled to be broken.  Dunno if you know what that’s like, Crane… a rush like you can’t believe… I didn’t know what for about bronc bustin’ or ridin’ an’ I thought I did. Told my old man’s head buster to get me ole Slate, cause I was gonna break that mean horse.  He tried to stop me, called my father, and the old man told him to let me do it. Told ‘im to let me kill myself if that’s what I wanted to do. So this smart ass kid got up on the meanest bronc on the ranch and spent all of ten seconds on the bastard’s back.  Ten seconds in the air…and the next six months figurin’ out if I was ever gonna walk again.  Broke my back in three places…landed in the hospital in one hell of a contraption for three months. I had all kinda complications, and then the rehab… man, I cussed them all out from here to hell and  back. But they were as determined that I recover as I was not to. You and me, Lee, we’re a lot alike. We’re cussed sons-of-bitches. We don’t want anyone to do anything for us and if someone has to, then they’ll pay for it.”

Rennalt looked around the room and then shifted a bit in the chair before he slowly raised his arms and placed his hands behind his head.  “Man, I know how you’re feeling. At least you’ll be walking, tho’ I’m sure it’s gonna hurt like hell to get moving again…but man, you’ll be moving and that’s a start. C’mon, man, do something positive! Life’s full of tough breaks…you know that.  Most of us, the ones that I call the winners, get up and move on.  Only the losers stay behind and whine and bitch and complain about the rotten things that life throws at them.  I don’t think that you’re a loser, Lee. I don’t. At least, the last time I looked you weren’t.  I know that Harriman Nelson wouldn’t have brought you here in the first place if you were.  But you have to do something about it. The rest of us can’t do it for you, you have to do it. And man oh man, I know that you sure as hell don’t want to.”

Lee glared at him.  He was damn sick and tired of everyone telling him that he had to get on with things…to try.  They had no idea how much this hurt.  How much it would hurt if he couldn’t do it.  They had no idea of how scared he really was to face what could be if he wasn’t able to do what he was meant to do anymore..  Straining to shift just a bit, he spat out, “Get the hell out of my face, Rennalt.  I’m tired of all of you trying to…”

But Tony didn’t give him the chance to finish the sentence.  “Yeah, I know… life’s cut you a couple of bad breaks. Your wife died, young…way too young. Cathy…well, she was one helluva special lady. Wasn’t no one here that didn’t like her, and because of that, it was hard on all of us.  Don’t know whether you knew it or now, but that lady of yours could drink good Irish Whisky with the best of’em.  Probably because of her old man…but she and I shared a lot of tall tales over a couple of shots.  She could give as good as she could take…and she was one of the few people that could keep Harry ‘in line’, if you want to call it that.  Now you’ve got a son to raise, without a wife. But dammit, you’ve got help…you’ve got support…and in case you’re too dense and blind to notice, you’ve got a special lady who would love to be part of your life.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and without any expression on his face, “And now you’ve had another bad break and so what do you do?  You up and decide, without any goddamn good reason, to one, give up, and two, make the life of everyone who cares one whit about you miserable. And that includes your mother, who’s hurting as bad as you are and your son. Forget about the rest of us for a second and think about your son! Unless you’ve got shit for brains in that idiot skull of yours, which apparently you do right now …you’d realize how lucky you are to have him  I’d just about kill someone if they could promise me I’d have a kid like R.C.!”

Angrily, knowing Tony wasn’t finished with his tirade, Lee murmured, “Robert… his name is Robert. Not R.C.”

“That’s just what I mean, dammit! You get all stubborn about things that aren’t important.  Your son likes to be called R.C.  But you didn’t know that, did you?  You haven’t taken the time to realize that.  You’re the only one in his life that calls him Robert. Formal, stiff and formal…Dammit, man!! You weren’t always this tight-assed and stubborn!! Man, you gotta get out of this bed and start living again!!”

“No. Go away, Tony. Leave me be. I don’t need you, or anyone to tell me how I should feel or what I should be doing.” More quietly, through clenched teeth, “Get the hell out of here… now!!”

Slowly, Tony moved his legs off the bed and stood, without a word.  He gazed down at the man in the bed and shifted his jaw just a bit.  Taking hold of the toothpick, he narrowed his eyes just a bit and then spoke.  “Fine… Have it your way. Stay there, don’t do anything, and let the world go by. And one of these days, when you are tired of feeling sorry for yourself, remember… there are people who are willin’ to help you, if you’re willin’ to let them in!  But it ain’t gonna get any better for you until you do.” He tapped his fingers to his forehead,  “S’long, Captain. I do hope that you change your attitude and things get better… for all of us!”

 

He turned on his heel, and moved to the kitchen, “Thanks for the coffee, ma’am. I’m sure that I’ll be seein’ you around and about. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to give me a call. Harry has my home number and you can get me there or at the office…at any time.”

 

Helen stepped toward him, and kissed him lightly on the cheek, “Thank you for trying to help my son. I know how difficult he is. Thank you.”

 

Tony smiled, and patted her hand, “My pleasure, ma’am.  I know what he’s going through.  It ain’t easy…he’ll make it hell for everybody around him for a while.  But eventually…he’ll realize what an ass he’s made of himself and make the decision on his own.  So, anything I can do for a lady, I’m happy to do,” he smiled at her again and left the apartment..

 

Lee stared after him, angry and surprised. Surprised at the revelation of his fight for survival years ago. And angry that he’d won it, and gone on. Lee was determined. He wasn’t going to make his condition easy on anyone, least of all himself.

 

 

Lee was fighting with Frank Lerner. That would be the only way to describe what Helen was watching. Frank was relentless when it came to following Jamison’s orders. The corpsman was determined to have the Skipper gain back some weight. With Jamison’s approval, he would try any thing he could to get the Seaview’s Captain to eat. And Crane was equally determined to refuse to cooperate.

"C’mon, Skipper…This is a nice meal that Mrs. Crane fixed for you. She said that it’s everything that you like to eat! C’mon, Skipper!… This is good for you…You need to put some weight on…you have to eat something! If you don’t sir, I can hook up the IV again! Doc left the hep-lock in your arm, just in case you don’t cooperate. And he said to tell you that the feeding tube can be setup too!"

"It won’t work, Frank. I’m not hungry! I don’t want anything that you want to give me. Go ahead and hook up the IV…I’m not going anywhere!"

"Look, Sir, you don’t want to hurt your mother’s feelings, do you? She went to a lot of trouble to fix this dinner, and you haven’t touched it."

"She’ll understand! I’m not hungry, Frank! Leave me alone!!"

"I’m sorry, Captain. Part of my orders is to see that you eat three square a day, and I’m going to do it! Whether you want to or not!"

"I’m not interested!"

"I didn’t ask for interest, Skipper. Just participation!"

"I’m not participating, Frank. I’m not hungry!"

"Captain, all I have to do is ask John for some help. If you don’t cooperate, it will be very embarrassing for you!"

"I can’t be any more embarrassed than I’ve been already. There isn’t anything that you can do that would make me feel worse about things than I already do." Lee’s reply was a smug one!

"Oh, I can think of a few things, Skipper. There’s always Miss Davis!"

Lee grew very quiet. Then, sullenly he said, in quiet voice, " Just the meat."

"Skipper?"

"Just the meat. I don’t want anything but the meat."

"That’s good, sir… that’s a start!"

 

 

At 0830 the phone rang. Helen was seeing Robert off to school, and Frank Lerner answered it.  "Yes, Mrs. Nelson. Mrs. Crane isn’t here right now. She took Robert to the bus for school. Yes, ma’am, I’ll tell her.. You’ll be over about 0900. Yes, Ma’am."

"Who was that. Frank?"

"Mrs. Nelson, Skipper. She’s coming over to see Mrs. Crane. Something about an excursion for the children."

"Oh…" was Lee’s disinterested reply.

"Skipper, we have to get you shaved and ready for the therapist. They’ll be here at 1100."

"Go ahead, Frank…we can’t disappoint the therapist, now can we?"

"Skipper, the sarcasm isn’t bothering me at all! I have my orders, sir! I answer to a higher authority…. Doc Jamison!"

Lee rolled his eyes, and allowed a small smile to quickly pass over his face. Jamison did put himself right up there with God, and all the other deities, when it came to Medical orders! He settled back in the pillows and allowed Lerner to shave him without harassing the man.

As he finished shaving Crane, the doorbell rang and Helen Crane answered it. Karen Davis Nelson stood at the door. She reached over and hugged the older woman.  "Morning, Helen, how are you today? You look tired."

Helen shrugged, a gesture that Karen recognized as one of Lee Crane’s as well.

"I’ve slept better. Lee didn’t have an easy night. None of us did."

"So I heard. Caitlin called."

"I see…"

"Is he any better than last night?"

"No. A little more quiet, but not better. He gave Frank and John a hard time about breakfast, just like he did at dinner last night. The only person he’s been civil to is Caitlin, and the only one he’s been even nice to is Robert. Thankfully his whole demeanor changes when Robert is around. Unfortunately, Robert sees a lot and doesn’t talk about it. So, no its’ not much better."

The two women had walked into the kitchen, and Helen handed Karen a mug of coffee.

"Harriman and I are planning an outing to Disneyland next weekend and, of course, Sean wants R.C. to come with us. Sean wants someone his own age to ride the rides with instead of us." She chuckled. "It might be good for R.C. to get away for a while."

"I think that sounds wonderful, Karen. And I approve! Yes, Robert can go with the three of you!"

"What about Lee?"

"What about him, Karen? He won’t stop Robert from going. He really doesn’t seem to care any longer. So, Robert is the most important person in this situation, and we’ll worry about him!"

"Helen, can I talk to Lee?"

"For whatever good it will do, Karen. He hasn’t listened to anyone yet!"

Karen took the mug of coffee with her and went into the Living room and to Crane’s bedside. Lee was staring out the window, and Karen touched his shoulder.

"Lee…?"

"Oh, hello, Karen. What brings you to the invalid’s bedside? Who’s complaining about me now?"

"Oh, are we in a foul mood today, Captain Crane, " she said in a sarcastic voice. "What makes you think I came because someone was complaining? I came for permission to take Robert on a trip to Disneyland with us this weekend. Helen said yes."

"Oh… good… He needs to get out of this apartment! He hasn’t gotten out too much lately…you can blame that on his father!"

Karen Nelson stood and looked at the man in the hospital bed. This was not the Lee Crane she knew and respected. Placing her cup on the stand next to it, she leaned over the railing and got within a foot of his face. She recognized all the signs. He had given into the fear.

"Lee Crane, cut me a break!!! Do you really think that you're the only person in the world who’s ever been afraid? Guess again, Mister!!!! You’re looking at a prime example here! And you know what the hell happened to me!! You were there, remember?"  She drew a quick deep breath and then continued.  "Everyone’s afraid of something at sometime in their lives!! But you can’t give up! You can’t let it conquer you! Because if you do, you lose all control of the entire situation! You, of all people, should know that!!"

She paused and took another deep breath, and continued her assault, looking him straight in the eye.  "I once let my fear take over what I was. I let it rule me! You saw what happened… You saw how it affected everyone around me, including Harriman. It wasn’t until I saw him so angry at me, doing the one thing that it hurt him so much to do, that I realized what I had become…"

She paused again. "You always wanted to know where I went to when I went off that time that he was kidnapped… Well, I went to a friend's cabin at Big Bear Lake and sat down and had a good hard look at myself. I realized that never had I ever given in. But this time I did...I let the fear win. I also realized that if I had any self respect for myself, that I had to ‘get back up on the horse’ so to speak, and get my ass in gear and come out of it!”

She reached over and touched his arm, her tone softening just a bit. "And so do you, Lee. So do you. Remember, my dear, there's a helluva lot of people out there that are in much worse shape than you are…and they’re going on with their lives." She looked at him and saw that her words didn’t seem to be sinking in, so her tone hardened again. "Now, if you want to wallow in self-pity, be my guest! But don’t expect any sympathy from me...or anyone else for that matter!! … I’ve been there, remember?…. And this certainly isn’t the first time that you’ve been hurt! You’ll heal, Lee. It may take longer this time, but you will heal…For God’s sake, Lee. If you don’t give a damn about yourself, then at least look at what it’s doing to Robert and your mother. Your son needs his father! And he doesn’t give a flying rat’s ass if you’re in this bed or not!! What he cares about is that you love him ‘cause he’s sure that he loves you, no matter what!!…Even if his father is being a royal pain in the ass right now."

She walked around to the foot of the bed, and planted both hands on the railing, leaning inward and glaring at him. Karen Nelson had no intention of giving up. She’d been there; she had allowed herself to give in. And she had lost her self-respect in the process. She didn’t intend to let Lee Crane do the same thing if she could possibly help it.

"Now, you can give into the ‘beast’ of self-pity, Lee or you can decide to start to help yourself," she pointedly told him as she turned to go. Then she turned back towards him and said thoughtfully, "Now, if you want help, you’ve got it! From all of us! But just remember the old saying, ‘The Lord helps those who help themselves…so get up off your proverbial damn ass and start helping yourself!!!"

She went towards the door, said goodbye to Helen, and left the apartment.

Helen stood in the kitchen doorway, slowly shaking her head…"Oh, my!" and she looked over toward her son. Lee looked even more sullen than before, and knowing that he was a storm cloud about to burst open, she opted to let the storm take place while she was out of the room, and she went to her bedroom to read for a while. She really didn’t want to talk to Lee at this time. And Lee needed to think about what Karen had said to him…and think about it a great deal!!!!

"Frank!" Lee called the corpsman, "Frank, I need your help here!"

Frank Lerner had watched and listened to the visit Karen Nelson had paid to Seaview’s Captain, and while he had thought she was a strong woman to begin with, she rose 100% further in his estimation with her confrontation with Crane. "That is one gutsy lady!! She didn’t even flinch from the Skipper’s ‘look’!"

He reached the bedside. "Yes, sir?"

"Could you give me a hand here? Nothing seems to be going right this morning."

He dropped the bedrail and reached in to the bed to help Crane sit more comfortably.

"Skipper, we have to get you ready for the therapy."

Crane grunted, and asked…."Get ready, right. Well, do you agree with Mrs. Nelson?’

"I wasn’t trying to listen in, sir."

"But you couldn’t help but hear her, could you?"

"No, sir, but I don’t think I should have anything to say about it."

"I know that you don’t want to think about it, Frank," he said angrily, "But do you agree with her?"

"I don’t have an opinion, Skipper. I just do my job, sir."

"Right… and answer to a higher authority…" Crane slightly sneered.

Frank grinned at Crane’s grudging attempt at humor…."Yes, sir… Skipper, the therapist said that you should be wearing sweats for the session…Do you know where your sweats are sir?"

Lee sighed heavily, "I don’t have a clue…You’d better check with my mother and find out where she put my things. I certainly can’t help you!" He rolled on his side and turned to the window.

"I’ll be right back, Skipper… the therapist will be here soon, sir." Lee nodded his head, and Frank went in search of Mrs. Crane.

Lee stared out the window at the sea. This was the first time in his life that the sea wasn’t calling to him. He had no interest in it at all. He didn’t care!! Why bother? If his hands didn’t work, what good was anything…he’d be a cripple all the rest of his life. Well, if that happened, he'd make sure he didn’t burden any one. There were ways and means of taking care of such things. He held one of his hands in front of him and looked at the apparatus that encased it. It was a combination of steel, bone screws and clips, wires, and bandages. The center of his hand was covered with a large gauze pad, palm and top, that was periodically changed, and antibiotics were periodically applied to all the screw sites. The brace extended up past his wrist, and the entire appliance had to be at least six to eight pounds of metal and steel. He saw Karen Nelson’s face in his mind. ‘I once let my fear take over what I was. I let it rule me ‘ she had said… no one understood his fear right now…no one! Was his fear ruling him? Was Karen right? His fears were different, though…she hadn’t faced the loss of the use of her hands…the end of her career…. or had she…?’

He put his hand back down on the bed…and Frank touched him on the shoulder…

"Skipper, I’ve found your Navy sweats, sir. I think the pants will fit, and I cut the sleeves out the shirt will too…"

"Fine, Frank, fine…do what ever you have to! Let’s just get it done, ok?"

"Yes, sir…" He helped Crane to a sitting position and started to help him dress…

 

 

Half an hour later, Lee was exhausted, and so were the two corpsmen. He was tired of trying… and there was only more to come today. It was 1030 and the therapist was due to arrive shortly…John offered,

"Captain, do you want something to drink? I mean before the therapist gets here."

Lee was tired, but he was thirsty too. "Yes, thank you, John." He said quietly. Frank offered, "Skipper, I’ve got the pain meds here. I’m going to give you a shot now, Ok?"

"No, Frank! No meds…let me wait until after the therapy. I suspect that I’ll need it more, after…I’ll just rest now…" John Warner held the straw to the water to Lee’s lips and he drank his fill, and then he closed his eyes and rested…

 

 

The therapist rang the bell furiously… Walter Bangs was a fairly big man, known to be good at his job and tough too. He was often handed the difficult and recalcitrant patients by his bosses… and he hadn’t failed one yet. This case, however, looked to be a real challenge. This Captain Crane had quite reputation at the military hospitals at Pearl and along the California coast. He was a most difficult man to deal with and according to his primary physician, there was a major problem with depression and anger…well, there wasn’t a patient yet that Walter Bangs couldn’t handle!! He’d see, he would!!

A very pleasant looking older woman answered the door. She smiled at him warmly, in a motherly way, and Walter Bangs felt comfortable with her immediately.

"Come in, Mr. Bangs…Will Jamison has spoken very highly of you!" she turned away from him and toward the man in the hospital bed…

"Lee…Lee… Mr. Bangs is here!!"

"Thanks, Mom… why don’t you bring him on over to the prize display!!" Crane waved his hands in the air…."Look Mr. Bangs…no hands!!! Let’s see how we can get me walking without them!!"

"Lee, he’s only here to do his job… and that is to get you out of that bed! I would prefer to get that out of here as soon as I can!"

"Right!" he muttered.

"Mr. Bangs, why don’t you come over here and meet your patient…"

Bangs moved towards the hospital bed…and he stuck out a hand in greeting.

"How do you do, Captain…" He reached the bedrail and grabbed at Lee’s arm…

"Those fixators are pretty ugly things, aren’t they? But they do good things for bad injuries!! Well, sir…we’ll worry about your hands after those things come off…Dr. Jamison said that you have at least a month more of them… in the meantime, the project is to get you up and walking around again. Your chart says that you were shot in both hips, thighs and the lower legs, too. " Lee nodded angrily. "It also says that the hipbones were chipped. Man, Captain, somebody really doesn’t like you much!!" Crane’s eyes smoldered angrily.

"I really don’t want to talk about it!"

"Ok, Captain…have it your way. Your chart says that you haven’t been out of bed for a month, but that before that you ran up to three miles on any given day that you weren’t on a mission? Then I guess that you were in pretty good shape?"

"I guess…" was the sullen reply.

"Well, then, that may make this easier, sir. May I have a look at the wounds, so I can assess any muscle damage?"

"Be my guest! I couldn’t stop you if I tried!! I’m not going anywhere!!"

Frank Lerner approached the therapist.

"I’m Frank Lerner and this is John Warner. We’re the corpsmen assigned to the Skipper by Doc Jamison. If we can do anything to help…"

"Well, I’d like to get a good look at the wound sites…It would help me set the therapy if I know what kind of muscle and bone damage I’m dealing with."

"Skipper…?" Frank asked.

Lee sighed heavily… "I told him to go ahead, Frank. Maybe if you help, it will get done faster!"

With a gentleness that surprised Lee, the therapist carefully examined the various wound sites, and he was very thorough, especially around the hips. When he finished, Lee was once again drained of all energy and in a great deal of pain.

"Captain, I ‘m sorry if I’ve caused you any discomfort, but I’m afraid that you’re going to be facing a lot more!! The damage to your hips doesn’t seem to be too bad. In fact, with the help of Warner here, I’d like to try and get you on your feet today. Just to stand, if that’s possible. I have a walker with me that may help us."

Lee looked at him with real anger in his eyes… "A walker??!!"

"Why, yes sir… just to get you up and somewhat stable… You’ll see, when I bring it in… "

"Come thru that door with a damn walker, and you can turn around and walk out with it!!! I don’t intend to use any such contraption!!!!"

"Captain Crane, if you’re going to get out of that bed, you have to start now!! And the only way, until we know what the situation is with your hands, is to use the walker to steady you and give you back balance, until you are used to being on your feet again!!"

"NO!"

"Captain Crane…"

"Bangs, let’s talk…" Frank Lerner pulled the therapist aside. The two talked earnestly while Crane glowered at them. Bangs went to the kitchen, where Helen Crane was making coffee and doing lunch sandwiches. He exchanged a few soft words with her and then left the apartment.

"Ok, Frank…" Lee growled at the corpsman…. "What are you up to now? It won’t work, you know… I won’t get out of this bed with a walker!!"

"Well, Skipper, I just do what I have to. And I have to help get you out of that bed…any way that I can!! And you know me, sir…I’ll do anything, as long as it’s legal to follow Doc Jamison’s orders!" He grinned at the Seaview’s Captain, and that only made Crane glower more.

Helen Crane came into the room and asked cheerfully, "Lee, would you like some coffee, dear? Or you, Frank? Or do you think that nice therapist might like some?"

Crane managed to glare at his mother, a withering glare that usually sent crewmen on the boat running to do the Captain’s bidding… His mother, however, merely smiled at him. "You’re in on what ever he’s planning, aren’t you?"

"What ever are you talking about, Lee?"

"I’m sure that you know exactly what I’m talking about, Mom. You and Frank, and that therapist!! What are you up to? It won’t work, you know!!! I don’t have to cooperate with any of you!"

"I swear, Lee Crane, sometimes, you are worse than a five year old child!!!"

She went back into the kitchen and Frank stood there grinning.

"And what are you smiling about, Frank?" barked Crane.

"Oh, uh, nothing Skipper…nothing at all!"

"Yeah, right!!!"

Just then the doorbell rang, and Helen Crane quickly answered it. In a voice that was almost too loud she said, "Why, hello, Caitlin…how are you today?"

"Hello, Helen. I was wondering how things were going…"

"Well, dear, " she linked her arm thru Caitlin’s and walked toward the bed. Lee groaned aloud, and Caitlin stared at him as Helen continued to talk, "you know Lee, don’t you? He’s being his usual charming self, as he always is when medical personnel are trying to help him. You know how he is." Crane continued to stare angrily at Helen. "Lee, Caitlin’s come by to see how you are doing with the therapy…why don’t you tell her, dear."

"What’s to tell? Hello, Caitlin!"

She smiled at him as she reached the bedside.  "Hello, Lee." She softly touched his arm, and continued, "I was wondering how you were doing today… You were so very angry yesterday, and I didn’t want to interfere, but, if I can help…"

The tone of his voice softened considerably when he spoke to Caitlin Davis. "I am sorry, Caitlin… I didn’t mean to get you upset. It’s just that this is so damn frustrating!" She heard the despair in his voice and wanted to comfort him, but she also realized that comfort was what he didn’t need…He needed someone to continue to kick him back to the person he was, not the despondent patient he was being.

"Well, I guess that you don’t need me around when you’re busy with therapy…"

"Does this look busy?" the edge of sarcasm crept into his voice. He shook his head, angry with himself. "Sorry again…"

She leaned over and said to him softly so only he could hear her.

"Stop telling me you‘re sorry, Lee Crane and do something about it instead! Use your anger, you dunce!! "

He looked at her amazed that she had spoken to him like that! This was interesting!! At that moment, the door opened and Bangs returned with the walker… Or at least a modified walker. Rather than the usual grips on the top of the rail, there were placed on each side a raised armrest. Apparently, it had been adapted so that he could lean on the rests, and not use his hands, but rather his arms to guide it while leaning on it for support at the same time.

"Here we go, Captain Crane. This should work real well for you to get going with!"

"And where do we think I am going? Dancing? Long walks in the park? I don’t think so!" Caitlin cast him a look of brewing anger, and he looked away.

"Alright, Captain Crane, why don’t we try and get you on your feet and standing for a few minutes or so today?"

"Why don’t we try and go away and leave me alone!!"

"No can do, Captain…I have to report progress each day…Dr. Jamison and Dr. Mulholland have given me very strict orders. You have to make progress, sir. "

Lee just glared at the man. Then he looked at the other faces staring at him, waiting for him to make his next move. All of them were determined to see that he do something that he didn’t want to do! Once again he was going to have to do something that he really didn’t want to do…didn’t want to do…at that moment he remembered a conversation he had had with Robert over a year ago, about doing things that you didn’t want to do…but that you had to do…even if you didn’t want to do it… Robert…what about Robert… Lee sighed heavily, and he looked at Caitlin…

"All right," he said sounding defeated, "You all win…I’ll try. I’m not making any promises…I’m just saying I’ll try!!"

"That’s great, Skipper…that’s great! Let’s go Bangs…tell me what to do…"

Frank Lerner moved to one side of the bed, and giving Crane support from the back, he helped him sit up completely. Lee’s hands rested in his lap. And he sat a bit unsteadily. Frank kept his hand at Crane’s lower back, and asked, "How are you doing, sir?"

"A little dizzy…. I hope that it will pass quickly…"

"Well sir, let’s give it a few minutes, and then we’ll try more."

Caitlin slipped into the kitchen with Helen Crane. The older woman handed her a cup of coffee. "It was good of you to come over, Caitlin. I’m so glad that you are here for Lee. He needs someone like you, dear."

Caitlin blushed furiously, and quietly asked the older woman, "Is it that obvious?"

"Not to others, dear… But I can see it…" she smiled gently at the girl, and patted her on the arm, "Lee needs someone like you, Caitlin. So does Robert. He needs a father and a mother!"

"I… I love Robert, Mrs. Crane - he’s a dear, sweet, loving child. He’s bright, and charming, and HN says that he’s a natural scientist. He loves the sea, and the things in the sea…"

"He’s a lot like Lee as a child, before his father died, and things became so difficult for him. I didn’t help the situation at the time…and there was no support, like Lee and Robert have had…I had to manage on my own…"she paused for a moment. "You are good for Robert, my dear…and you are very good for my son, too."

Caitlin impulsively hugged the older woman. "I’m glad that you aren’t angry with me, Helen. I was afraid if you ever found out how I felt about Lee that you would think I was a foolish young girl, and not good enough for him!"

Helen hugged her back…"Don’t be silly, Caitlin! Since I’ve known you, I’ve known how special you are! And believe me, my dear, anyone that can love my son, has to be very special!! They have to share him with that boat of his, you know!!"

Caitlin laughed, "…. Like Mom has to share HN! I know!"

The two women shared a silent moment and then Helen gestured to the other room, "Perhaps we should go back inside, or a certain Captain will think that we are further conspiring against him!"

Caitlin laughed, and said, "Not when I get finished with him…I still have to give him ‘what for’ for frightening Robert like he did last night! He’s so unsure to begin with, and Lee hasn’t helped any with his rages!!!"

Helen nodded, "I know… I hope that you can do something with him…You’re my last hope! I know that I can’t!!"

She liked her arm thru the older woman’s, "I certainly intend to try!!"

The two women entered the Living Room area as the therapist; John and Frank were helping Lee to his feet. Bangs was holding the walker steady, as the corpsmen were helping Crane stand. Lee was having a problem maintaining his balance, as the room spun dizzily. He was very grateful for the support of the two men, although the entire process seemed useless to him… so what if he could walk, without the use of his hands, he still wouldn’t be able to do for himself! So why bother to walk. The room pitched to the right again, and he said to Frank, "I think I’ve had enough, Frank…Bangs…I’m standing still and the room is moving…I think I’d better sit back down!"

"Yes, sir! But at least we got you on your feet, tomorrow, we’ll try for a few steps!"

"Sure, tomorrow." He said flatly, and wearily sagged into the bed, as the corpsmen tried to help him find a comfortable position. He lay there, totally drained, and in a great deal of pain from his hips and legs, too weary to even fight with the therapist or the corpsmen. And when someone offered lunch, he didn’t argue, he just closed his eyes, and hoped that they would believe that he was sleeping. Within a few minutes, he was asleep, and the therapist made his notes and prepared to leave. He looked to Warner, and asked…

"Frank, what time would be the best time for me to come tomorrow? The Doctors want the Captain to have therapy every day. Until he is up and walking about on his own. As soon as the fixators come off, they said they’ll decide on the therapy for his hands. And they want to get him out… they seem to feel he needs to get outside, and he can’t do that if he isn’t walking."

Frank nodded. "Yep, the Skipper needs to be outside! Being inside is killing him…and the fact that he’s not on the boat…." And idea struck Frank as he talked to Bangs, and he had to talk to someone. ‘May be Miss Davis…’

 

 

Lee woke to someone gently shaking his shoulder, and a soft voice calling his name…it had been a dreamless sleep of total exhaustion, and had not really given him any rest…He wouldn’t sleep well until he knew the final outcome on his hands…

"Lee, can you wake up…?"

He opened his eyes to Caitlin Davis’ softly smiling face.

Shaking his head to clear it, he looked more closely at her, and then turned toward her.

He cleared his throat, "Yes, Caitlin… is something wrong?"

She continues smiling at him, "No, I don’t think so… as a matter of fact, there may be something more right!"

He looked at her, a question on his handsome face. "Something right? Not from my point of view, young lady." He smiled slightly at her.

She touched his arm, and smiled back… "Young Lady? Not that young, Captain…not that young!!" She paused for a moment. "Lee, I have a proposition for you, and before you protest, listen to me, first, ok?"

He nodded, amused at her tone of voice. She knew him very well!!

"First, this has Will and Dr. Mulholland’s approval." He raised an eyebrow in skepticism… "We thought that you might want to go an see how the work is coming on the boat. You can follow it with the computer, if you’ll let me show you how to use it, but we thought you may like to see it for yourself…."

"NO!"

"But, Lee, you know you are interested in what’s going on and we…"

"NO! I don’t want to go on the boat!!"

"Lee, it could be very good for you to see the men, and the boat herself, and…"

"You don’t understand, Caitlin. You just don’t understand…"

All of a sudden the storm cloud that was building in Caitlin Davis exploded… "I think I understand very well, Lee Crane!!! Very well! You're a stubborn, pig-headed, tight-assed, self-pitying man who’s only thinking of himself and what will happen to him if his hands don’t heal! You don’t care about anyone else but yourself, and you don’t want to!! All your noble, high - faluting platitudes about doing the ‘right thing’ and putting others first, is a crock of bullshit!!!! You're nothing but a phony! All you want to do is wallow in self pity, and say to yourself ‘Oh poor me…what am I going to do if my hands don’t work…I’ll just give up, and lie here and make everyone miserable because I am’… And while I’m at it, what about your son??? Do you know how much you have hurt him and frightened him, especially last night? Do you have any idea at all what you are doing to him, and to your mother? You’re driving them away from you! And you’re going to do that to every one who cares about you… And do you know what else? I don’t care! At this moment…even I don’t care!! I love you, you stupid foolish man, and even I don’t care!!!"

She turned on her heel and let the door slam loudly behind her.

Lee was shocked into silence. He’d never seen Caitlin so angry…almost as angry with him as Karen had been!!

‘Like mother like daughter.’… He lay there and reflected for a few moments. ‘Robert…what was he doing to Robert? He had promised Cathy he’d take care of their son…He wasn’t doing a very good job of taking care of things right now…Robert was frightened…He’d told him that when he had climbed into bed with him…Robert was so scared of the things that were going on right now, and he, Lee, wasn’t helping his son…He had to do something! Karen was right and so was Caitlin…But what if…well, maybe they all were right…maybe he should just wait and see, and deal with it when and if the worst possible thing did happen…He’d like to see the boat…to go aboard her…he did miss her…but he didn’t want to see his cabin…no, not that…not yet…maybe, if he could get up on his feet again he could get someone to take him to her…but he wouldn’t leave the apartment using that damned walker… No…he’d leave on his own power, or not at all!!…Maybe he could apologize to Caitlin, and maybe she could show him how to use the computer…but, first he had some fences to mend, and one scared little boy to comfort…’

 

 

Robert Crane burst into the apartment, a ball of excitement --

"GRAN!!....GRAN!...I did it!!! I won the science fair!!!" He skidded to atop as he saw his father look over toward him from the bed in the Living Room.

"Oh, I’m sorry, Dad!! I....I didn’t mean to disturb you...I’m sorry.... I..."

Lee looked at his son, surprised and also dismayed. Robert really was afraid of him!

"You’re not disturbing me, Robert! What is this news that you’re so excited about!!!!"

"I won the Science Fair, Dad.

Lee’s eyes glowed with pride at his son’s accomplishment and Robert read it in his father’s eyes.

"And just how did you do that?"

"Well, Dad, - the Admiral helped me plan it..."

"The Admiral?"

"Yes, sir...I told him about it and asked him for help...He gave me the idea, and let me use his lab to set it up...."

Lee was watching his son with growing interest.

"What is the project, Robert?"